I should have learned by now that there aren’t any “signs”-
Any sort of supernatural clues that hint I should make
someone mine
And I should have guarded myself the first night we met
We saw so many shooting stars I almost lost count of them
I quadrupled the amount of shooting stars I’ve ever seen
And we laid so peaceful next to each other while you lost your
falling star virginity
Not a single time that night did I think to make a wish
Because feeling loved beside you brought back the feeling I have
missed
But that feeling and I soon went our separate ways
As I slowly noticed you weren’t eager to hang out most days
That I was that call when you were drunk or lonely,
An afterthought, and I was supposed to respect that completely.
Shame on me, you said, for saying the same way you treat me is
how I am going to treat you-
That we can continue to be “back pocket” friends, tried and true
I never wanted being true to who I am to interfere with what we
had,
But I couldn’t stay quiet while inside I felt so sad
You made me feel stupid and clingy for asking for your time
I felt like I was the idiot for trying to make you mine-
To be more than that guy you sleep with when you want someone
to hold you
If I wanted this all to be casual, I just would have told you
And now at times I wish I wouldn’t have told you
How begging for your time made me feel so ugly and blue
I wish I would have gritted my teeth and stayed quiet
So that maybe in your own time you would treat me with respect
And maybe that’s what I should have wished for upon those
shooting stars
That God would’ve kept you and I together or that he would
prepare our hearts
To understand each other and love each other and work through
our problems-
Act like adults instead of fighting and crying when you made us
be done
I know what I’ll wish on my next falling star
That you would miss me or call me- not change who you are-
But that you being you and me doing me would work out in the
end
That we could be together without either of us having to pretend
I hope that’s not too much to ask for- not suppressing my feelings
Or being able to speak my mind without having you hate me
Was it really necessary that you block me after you were offended
If you ever loved me the same, it never would have ended
But I refuse to compromise who I am or what I want
I’ll never accept less from a friend whether I love them or not
I guess what I learned is to never love someone until I really know
em
And that’s why I write yet another sad poem