I strain my tired eyes to look upon my work
I sacrifice a smile to the triumph I have made
I laugh in the face of the sun, because I have won
Through my trials I have succeeded
I have proven myself the better
Now I can shut an I, now I can...rest

I've been feeling things I don't know how to describe
I'm not sure when it happened
I feel like I'm born again, and everything is new and nothing has meaning

I'm no longer afraid of life after death
But he stands in my way

I kept on thinking about how everything felt like nothing except when I touched him
I couldn't say what I had done the day before but I could tell you in detail how his skin felt, what side of his face pulled his smile, and which hand he used to push back his hair.

When I cry he tells me he understands, but when he cries I know he doesn't
He says he believes he was meant to find me but I told him I don't believe in that
What does he know?

He says we're organic
Given a seed and made to grow
Or left alone

He says it needs to be watered, loved and tended to
Or left alone

He says it's just as natural to flourish as it is to wilt and die
That not every plant is made to strive
But that's why we try

Forced against the couch
as skirt ascends thighs
the clang of metal and the slap of leather from behind
his ragged breath, soft satin on my spine
cruelly complacent in his sigh
plunging into depths he knows swell
with pleasure, not to be satisfied

I am not fire
I will not decompose and be taken in
I am not air
I will not blow away with the breeze
I am not Earth
I will not supply anyone with sustenance
I am water
I will dissolve, and search for the sea once my thoughts finally drown me

Like the water
flowing over the tubs edge,
pooling on the floor,
and seeping through stairs
to become whole,
Like the water
I'm searching

sacrificing everything to you
for nothing in return
giving so much
to lose myself