alan 1d

We're choking on our words while our world becomes lightwashed
and we eat our peppers whole,
wearing baggy shirts and shoes that we stole.
The moon is shining through into the window of my room,
and the whole time your voice rang through my ears
'til you nearly became deaf with my delayed laughter.
And after it all, throughout the AM, when our eyes beg to close
and our faces are ugly and stretched from hour after hour,
I fall asleep in a pile of old clothes
and those leftover cookies, you just had to devour !

alan 2d

"In the future there will be flying cars! World peace! and we must work today, to create that tomorrow!"

is this the future
where all is broken and crumbling down
on me.
is this the future
where everything is coming to an end
at least on the inside.
the future we dreamt of in 1986
but now our houses and hearts are made of bricks.
is this the future
or is it the end
is everything so perfect
or is it all pretend.

there are no flying cars because nobody can even drive a normal one
alan 3d

I never thought I hated change, but I can't even stand cents
and it made no
sense.
I thought I always hated others who hated change
because they didn't allow others
to
'improve'.
My friends, are those people.
And I believe I hate those who hate
change
because I'm afraid that
I will change
and they'll leave me.
I've seen their friendships break apart because of
change,
and I've also seen the sky become day
because of change.
Change in myself is the change I fear,
and if I ever do change
will my friends still be here?

It's so flattering how they love me for me, completely. But what if i lose myself? Even for a moment? Can i count on them to continue to love me? Or will they all leave because i 'changed'.
...
i wrote this last night -
It's not that she scares me, she just awakens my fear
my biggest fear, that is change.
But not like the other ways,where we lose the cozy way of things, no
change in myself, where to others I am somebody else.
Change where I feel like I have improved, but to them I am not me.
She said she wouldn't like me if I were to be like somebody else
but I wonder what types of change would make me not myself.
I have been trying to improve, but she says there's nothing to be fixed.
(she even said 'don't improve' or at least that's what her words conveyed)
I have been trying to help others, will I lose myself in the mix?
Honestly, what key features am I to lose that would change who I am?
What things do I need to keep intact for you to still love me?
I'm afraid that I will change.
I'm afraid they will abandon me because of what I might become.
I'm afraid of being
alone.
alan 5d

There's no one in this town where I am
there's emptiness in replace of idle sound where I am
the people of this town all left searching for where I am
but I've been here all along hiding until they're gone
wondering where they've gone because they're not where I am.

alan Aug 12

i have been taking a
cooking class
of how to fry my brain
and waste my eyes
like wasted wine
it takes some time, but i'm sure that-
oh, the timer rang
i didn't hear the last time
there it goes again
it seems louder now, now that i know i hear
but it's late, it's too late
it's dark
and quiet
and i'm alone
so of course it seems loud now
but
would it hurt to ignore
if i already did before...?

alan Aug 12

hello
open door
I'm out here searching for something more
it's something that is in front of me
I know
but it's something that I can't see
hello
window pane
I'm trapped behind the chances I had
once
I'm stuck behind the dirty glass
peering through the broken cracks
because I'm stuck
in the past
thinking of what I could've had.

2:59 AM
alan Aug 6

Ebony is in the wind
we're walking down Herringbone street
when the evening's cold
and nothing
is on our minds.
Oneirataxia in us
right now along the flow
we slam our white shoes 'til they are
of color.
Hustle along now
we ride the bus home
while our crescent eyes hide
behind yellow ties
and showing youth
only from
below the knees.

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