I fill my days with delusions

Minimising any time I have for myself,
For that is when I lose it

My thoughts are my own bane

They are my own nightmares

Sleepless nights turn into desperation for a way out.

I know the guardian angel to my affairs
And what he would have me do but,

Will I regret it?

I tell myself i’m alright & it will heal
But there’s no definite time given to mend a heart

I’ve been looking for you through every pair of eyes i’ve ever made contact with

I look for you in a crowd full of people, hoping i’ll get a glimpse of you

The last time i saw your silhouette, i’ll never forget it, how you walked away

It’s been weeks but i still dream of you every now & then

I uncontrollably smile to myself thinking about you before the sadness takes over

If we ever do bump into each other, i’ll be honest, i won’t be able to say half the things i want to tell you

I want to meet you to embrace you for the last time,
To tuck your hair behind your ear for the last time
To see you smile for the last time
To ask you how your day was for the last time
To have my fingers run through yours for the last time
And for the last time, to see you happy & convince myself that you’re better off without me

we suit each other,
but bad for the other,
like a mouth to a cigarette,
breathing chaos into me,

liberate my inhibition,
offer me euphoria,
like messiah to his people,
I call you my saviour

yet a catalyst to my insanity,
degrading me daily,
I fall into the abyss,
yet I call you my serendipity.

She stays in the grey zone
Figuring out her next move
Torn between two guys
A decision she has to choose;
One or the other

The former wants her back
The latter just wants what’s best for her
Just want to see her crossing off
Her life goals, one by one
Even if it meant losing to her past whom she constantly tries to run away from

He hides his pain behind a smile
A facade he almost got away with
If not for his promise with her
Every time he mutters “I’m fine”,
He’s dying a little inside
A hell of a ride, the sports car we got on
Albeit too fast yet so comfortable

Almost gave in twice to the torture
Her warmth got him back on his feet
Fueling his desire to carry on the struggle
Though right now, every step taken is with absolute resolution as the pain slowly turns numb

Every single one us has our own cave of thoughts.

Things we are unwilling to say or share to those around us, things we will only keep to ourselves.

No matter how strong a sense of camaraderie or how tight a bond you have with your confidant, you will never be able to lead them to the door of your cave and pass them its key.

The cave gets bigger while we get lonelier.

It was months ago when i last saw your silhouette. I thank god i made the right decision to walk out of your life. I don't regret it.

Then, i saw you again on a saturday night, you were wearing white and looking as enticing as ever.
I was intoxicated not by you but by the influence of the alcohol so how could i put up a fight? How could my guard be up?

Our eyes met briefly and before i could look away, i felt your warmth and your arms around me. Your scent trapped me. A feeling i had almost forgotten. And in that second i knew my demons won this round.