I don’t know how I survived
Slammed the door on the past
Ploughed through uncertain present
Blindly charted a future
Searching for a love

Followed endless roads
Scared of looking back
Hoped for the best
Searching for a love

Time to rest
59 is knocking on my lonely door
Found no love
Thank you very much!

A summer breeze whispered in my ears
Of love, fame
And other grand things
Tempt me with
Sunset rays
Of a far away place

Wrapped myself in daydreams
Grew wings on faith
Picked up the pace
Forgot my place
And chased elusive ways
Of love and fame
And other sad mistakes
Chasing your embrace
                     KMH

Drifting through life
Me, myself, and I
Taking what is handed to me
Never asking for much
Never wanting more
Than a simple yes
Me, myself, and I
Scared of rejection
Terrified of ridicule
Drifting and hoping
To land on a solid ground
To anchor down
To feel your love!
Me, myself and I

                 KMH

Hold on tight

Hold on to the memories

Even if it takes centuries

Tomorrow is another day

Tomorrow is a better way

Tomorrow you will shine

Hope is devine

Tomorrow is a new day

You promised to save me
You promised
To quiet my pointless suffering
To wash my pain away
To hear about my deafening loneliness
Here I am waiting to hear a quiet footstep
Leading to my borderless isolation
Whispering a sweet song of liberty
Of a carefree life
A life inherently meaningless
You gave me a broken promise
And a false hope  
Of sanity
For a life lived on a borrowed time …
I love U
I love U

                                                      KMH

San francisco
My eternal city by the bay
My home, my sanctuary, my playground
My everything then and now
Years spent hugged by your fog
Tucked between your rolling hills

Long days and sleepless nights
Cold days and rainy nights
Sitting in the dark
Thinking and plotting
Tears filling my eyes planning my goodbye
My escape
And not to return
Ever!
San Francisco

Why you can reach me
But I cannot
You text, I am there
I text
You are no where to be be found
Busy
Your holding your phone in your in hand
Did you put it down?
Impossible
It is your third hand
Ignoring me, playing hard to get?
Do I bore you?
Just say so, **** it
I can move on …

I am no body
Who thought could be somebody
Lived but never loved anybody
In a strange country
Fought endlessly to survive
Alone with pride and dignity
And trial and error was my strategy
Succeeded only in living but not loving
And now the time has come, buddy
To free my hands
rest my head
And silence my ****** heart
Because I cannot be anybody
Without your love!

What have I done?
For you to be gone

On that dreadful Monday
Not a word not even a shout
Our desolate apartment greeted me with a scorn
Empty of your things but
Your lingering smell
I beg of you
Come back
I cannot breathe the air that you left behind
Grounded in despair and utter loneliness
Stunned with your abandonment
I cannot move
I cannot survive

Please tell me
How did I fail you?

Drowning in a deathly quiet
Thinking and making plans

A bug keeping me company
Humming a forgotten tune

The phone is dead
The tv is churning non sense

So many stories left to tell
Love verses to spread

But

My hand is heavy
My heart is empty
Living without you

I miss you, terribly
I miss your care free smile
And the look of love in your eyes
Your tender touch
And sweet words of desires

I miss hearing you
Talking about our pasts
Giggling about our present
And whispering a future for you and me

I miss you so and
I have never met you

Born wired to love you
Hugs and kisses were my gifts to you
Your lips uttered words of love
Your eyes, that was another story

You put me down
Reminded of my mistakes
Dismissed my worries
Be little my victories
And told me you loved me.

Still born wired to love you
Seating on a curb of a lonely life
Starving for a look
Thirsty for a kiss
Praying for a touch
Struggling to understand your love
Born wired to love you
                                        KMH

Pity is petty
A wasted emotion
Pity is unsettling
An unwanted charity
Pity is vile
A hurtful reminder of failing
Pity is a rusted sword
Cuts one’s  dignity
Slices one’s self respect
Leaving traces of aches and blood
Drop by drop
For the rest of time
Pity is never ever needed
My dearest friend

Darkness falls
Besieged by an isolating loneliness
My sly shadow whispers
Love is not in the stars
I shrug
I shout
I cry
I plead
I bow
Love is not in the cards

Years have passed me by
Making the same mistake
Waking up every day
Hoping to see your face
I look around
you are not there
I shake my head
I shuffle my feet
I begin a new dreadful day
Wishing for a love that is not there
Years have come and gone
Me, making the same mistake
Hoping to hear you say
I love you, again

I want to fly
To touch the sky
To float over the lie
My Loneliness has reached the sky
My tears floated my eyes
And here I am
Still Wishing upon a star

I am no poet
I am a drunken fool
Wishing

I wait for you
I drink for you
I ache for you
Love is a lie

I thought I left you
Packed my fickle heart and left
Years later
It dawned on me
You never asked me to stay
Just stood there waiving goodbye
Wishing that I don’t go astray
Here I am now
In dismay
Have you ever wanted me to stay?
Illusion and delusions have ruled my days
But the truth is you have never cared

                                               KMH

Tired of waiting for love
For some one to see through
Layers of pain and desperation
And brush off livid exasperation

Tired of waiting for the one
To hold me tight and say
Tomorrow is another day
Tomorrow you will shine
Tomorrow is a better day

Hold on to the memories
Even if it takes centuries
Love does not stand on ceremonies
Love knows no boundaries

Love is …… you … undoubtedly

life

Of a life lived with dignity
Of a life shrouded in mystery
Of a life beckoned with victory
Of a life walked with liberty
Of a life colored with glory
Is no ordinary life

Desperation has prevailed
Down a spiral of doubt
I descend
Dialing a friend
Is not an option
Calling family
Is none sense
Falling in love
Is not in the stars
No lifelines left  
But a shred of hope
One day this will pass
I live another day
To write another line of despair

The sun rose today
I wonder why
My heart is bleak
My soul is clouded with despair

The sun shined today
Never mind
My faults were exposed
My shortcomings lay bare
My regrets dug in their heels

Take mercy on my crumbling state
Please don’t rise nor shine today
Paint the sky gray
Let it rain today
So
I know
And you know
The sky shares my pain

Came home today
Quiet
Oppressive silence
Sun rays warming cold walls
Thought I lost my voice
Can I speak?
Could I talk?
Can I weave my words?
Knitting my vowels?
Stitching my consonants?
Forming sentences
Making sense again
I do not know
Have not spoken for a long long time!
                                           KMH

Anyone?
No one!
Last one
Call
Remember
A gaze
A sweet sweet gaze
A fast beat
A light kiss
A nimble touch
And …
A deep longing
Anyone?
No one!

Happiness is a mirage  
A fleeting oasis in a desert
Sadness prevails
Darkness falls
holding on
wary of defeat

Stop
Stop thinking I should have …
I am going to …
I must do
Why didn’t I?
Just be
No must nor should
Just be
Forget the pain and forgive the aches
Exist for here and the now
It is just too **** hard
Pack your bags and go
Just go
Mistakes will be made
And that is ok
Survive you will

He clawed his way …
Against all odds and their friends
He stood up
Shrugged off hopelessness
Packed his bags
Threw the “whine”
Killed his fear with vengeance
Never ever looked back
He walked one way … and a long way
Looked back
He was alone
utterly
Alone
And he would do it all over again
Alone
because he doesn’t know any other way

I struggled because I had no choice
I fought to prove them wrong

Fear has abandoned my thoughts  

Forgot my past
Yearned for a future
Celebrated my present with a vengeance

Life was sweet in ignorance  

Then
Death gave me my choice back
And I am lost

A stabbing pain tore at my soul today

No one cared
No one called
No one ... just me

Maybe it is not real

Discarded to a corner of this twisted world
Unloved and forgotten

A single man
Dead on the inside

Pretending to care
Waiting on a call

Azrael is knocking on my door

Run down the misty road
Run for the easy street
Take the least resistant way

Life is a journey with many paths
No right, no wrong
Happiness is at many crossroads

Don’t fight
Don’t be

Unless you know

Who you are
What you are

Run, run my friend
No shame in running from thyself

Life is easier doing the right thing.
Run and never look back!

My sadness is my happiness

When my tears fall
My heart falls warily quiet

When pain invades my weary soul
A high like no other wrap my core

My sadness is my happiness

Bore me misery
Color me woes

My happiness is just ashore

Swinging emotions
Deafening palpitations
Racing thoughts
Laying down
Standing up
Pacing around

A still quiet
No peace
Take a breath
Think less
Try harder

It will pass
You will survive
Another day

Breathe!
         KMH

Stop the whine
Roll back the sadness
Hold off the tears

Love is here

Stand up
Dance on
Shout out

Love is here

Cancel the pity party
Send family and friends home
Tear up your cloth  

Love is here ...

I lie.

I have been here before
It has been a long time,
I give you that

Trying to be someone, anyone but me
I had so much to proof, not anymore
I was young, and for ever hopeful

I have been here before

I can do anything if so I desire
I can do anything but fight no more
Lonely as ever to my core
Tired, drained, and chained
I just want to lay down and rest for evermore

I have NOT been here before

Leave me be
Sitting in the dark
Reflecting on days gone by
Thinking of my past  
Regretting nothing but the void in my soul

Leave me be
In a swirl of chaos
Sung by melodies
Strung by promises
Stung by abandonment

Leave me be
On the verge of a cliff
Chastised by my mistakes
Chained by my needs
Isolated by my wants

Just leave me be
I can only be me.
                 KMH

A look filled with desires
A hold of the hands
A tender kiss, again
A sensual touch of a stranger
2020 left me a prisoner
Locked up, isolated, quarantined
Deeply wounded
2021 set me free to love again
Or let me RIP

I am not an alcoholic.
I drink to write.
I write to remember ...
My journey from the abyss to old age  
No pity is needed nor warranted
Just leave me be ... with a drink
My past makes me invincible
Pour me a drink with a side of summer breeze
I want to remember ... so I can breathe
Cheers, my lonely drink.

Rise and shine my dear ...
Your Green Card is here
Ten years of waiting, hoping, dreaming,
Rise and shine my dear ...
Your application is rejected.
You may appeal this decision.  
No lawyer, nor a friend: Neither a family
Appeal I did.
Rise and shine my dear ...
Your Green Card is here.

Twenty years have passed
Rise and shine my dear
Et le Carte de Sejour is near
For a man with no love nor a friend
But an endless quest to belong
In a god’s land
Forget me not
But forgive me, dear

Please...
I am tired of fighting to survive
I am a tired old man
I have lived but never loved
Please take me home
I am a flightless bird crossed the seven seas
I need to rest
Please take me home
My home is the endless blue sky,
the summer breeze,
the full moon over the Mediterranean Sea,
and words of love whispered in my ears ...

Please  take me home!

In midst of a storm
He runs out of words
Nothing to say
No energy to utter a word
A whirling wind can be heard
In the total silence that engulfs him
A dead silence shouting to be heard
Words fail him ... and maybe that is ok
The silence  blocks the constant noise
It calms his ever anxious nerves
Yet he wants to be heard
Please call his name,
He may utter a word... hello

I saw you one night ... standing alone
Have you been waiting for long?

Talk to me softly and I would listen
Be sweet and I could hold you tight
Be nice and I will shower you with little kisses

I saw you again
Standing all alone

Are you my future?  
Or my lonely past

Come closer so I can bare my empty soul
Hold my hand
Whisper a sweet lullaby

Love is that lonely stranger

I fell in love with love, a long time ago
and love broke my fragile heart
I swore off love evermore ...

Tell me
Have you been waiting here for long

Love is a legend
Whispered in alleyways
Told down streams  
Sung among barren hills
Murmured between evergreen trees

Give up! fool
Love is a reed in windy plains  
Sprang with the morning dew
And died at the feet of dunes

Fool!
Love is an impossible errand
Run from sunset to sunrise  
Between god and man

Hey fool ...
Listen and listen well
Love is a thief’s jewel
A Liar’s truth
A killer’s gun
And a Traitor’s lie

No love for fools.
                          KMH

I want to fall in love, for the first time
I want to feel the exhilarating high
The meeting of the eyes
The flutter of my aching heart

The knot in my gut
The burning of the first kiss on my lips

Yearning for the slightest touch
Remembering each word, each syllables, each letter uttered...

Grasping at the fading memory of my lover, the minute we part

Howling I am loved

I want to be alive again
I want to love again.