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5.2k · Feb 2018
Silhouette in Sunbeams
Sarah Elizabeth Feb 2018
The sun
Is glad to see your face,
Your unseen grace,
Your Hidden space,
Your
Silhouette now covered in sun beams.
It seems
You've been
Packed away for a very long time
Its almost a crime how you've
Shielded yourself from his hydrogenity.
The sun
Is glad to see your smile
Your pearly whites
And colorless lips
Soft,
Too cold,
needing,
Craving,
warmth.
His
Golden fingers graze your cheek
And Bring life back to your pallor.
Who knew
Living as a recluse would make you so blue,
So unidentifiable?
He Brings you back from the dead
Pulling your soul back out
into your flesh.
Fresh
And healed,
At least Temporarily
But it
is enough,
His touch,
To liven your now tanning skin
To Make you akin to his own:
A sunflower
Trapped in the dark
3 inches tall instead of 3 feet
Now starting to grow beyond skyscrapers with his aid,
if his light is what's causing you to
Stand up straight
His heat is what is reviving your heartbeat
A Crescendo from silence to a slight pitter patter
Almost as soft as rain.
Almost as if crying.
If you listen hard enough,
You just might hear it wimpering, waking up from it's hibernation.
It
Wants to go back to sleep
But he
Refuses to give up his efforts of recesitation
For he knows it isn't for naught,
For he knows that it is working,
Your heart stirring
Beating
Louder as you step further out of the door frame
Let him
Cradle your soul with his firey hands
Let him
Bring you back from the dead.
You Look so much more alive when you let him work his magic on you.
The world
Has missed you.
Looking around,
Your mind starts whirring,
Analysing The outside world.
The Green of the grass and the
Blue of the sky,
All Graces of the solar angel shining over you,
Shining into you.
Giving you sight,
Giving you life,
Giving you the things you couldn't have before.
Let his
Golden happiness seep into your freezing bones,
And,
Turn them into torches
And burn brighter, in the daylight
Than you ever did in the darkness.
Unloading my notes onto hepo! This is a piece I never got to share in poetry club, so I'll share it with you guys (:
1.4k · Sep 2017
Trees (wilting)
Sarah Elizabeth Sep 2017
Her soul is wilting
Wilting
A word she knows all to well
All of her plants have started wilting long ago
How can you keep something else alive
When you're barely living yourself
Her leaves
Are crumbling
Split ends like spilt branches
He says:
"Your hair
Is only as good
As the head its growing on
And and your head
Isn't doing so well itself
How can you expect anything beautiful to grow from so much darkness.
Trees
Don't grow in the dark."
She
Tries to get her thoughts out of the Dark
The midnight abyss she calls her mind
But she
Has never been good at climbing
Cliff faces
look down
and laugh at her attempt to ascend
She
Pretends like she can't see them staring
Arms growing weak and weary
Her roots
Feel as if they're about to break
But she never gets a break
Never gets to rest
She's stressed
who would have guessed
That Behind
her Big smile
Lies
Wilting leaves
Split branches
And broken roots
Ready to fall apart
No one seems to see
That the only thing
Keeping her together
And Grounded
Is the ground itself
And even that
Is only as stable
As the world its sitting on.
This is a possible piece for my schools poetry jam so constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!
1.1k · Oct 2018
Final Rays
Sarah Elizabeth Oct 2018
somehow,
i always manage to ruin something.
Anything.
Everything.
I wish the things id touch would turn to gold,
instead,
they turn to black.
Everything i love
turning back as if i were never there in the first place,
and i deserve it.
I
used to be so happy
and healthy
and sweet
now i am nothing
but petty
and toxic
and mean
i don't know when
or  how
but something inside of me died
like a flower left in a vase a little too long
i started to wilt away
started to lose my petals one by one
kindness.....
             Joy........
                        self love.......
Leaving me one at a time
and then seemingly
all at once
as if when the last petal fell
I died with it.
I dont know what to do with this carcass
of a girl who once was
except to hold it up
if only
to catch a few final rays of sun.
977 · Oct 2017
Herself
Sarah Elizabeth Oct 2017
She
Is
Selfish and
Greedy and
Tiring and
Useless and
Awkward and
Anxious and
Moody
Yet
She
Is above that.

She
Is
Beautiful and
Intellegent and
Kind and
Caring and
Helpful and
Honest and
Thoughtful
Yet
She
Is below that.
She
Is herself.
Today's journal prompt was self worth
936 · Dec 2017
The Underdog
Sarah Elizabeth Dec 2017
She sits on her bed wondering if she will ever get better.
Ever BE better.
She wonders if her choices and emotions are her fault
Or a product of something deeper.
She stares at herself in the mirror
and wonders
If her tired eyes were caused by the torrent of tears, or instead, if they were caused by life's tolls.
But,
What she doesn't know,
Is that the only person who sees her in this way
Is herself.
She
Is only the underdog
To herself.
I was reading through old journals I wrote for creative writing and this was one of them. The prompt for the journal was "The underdog..."
Sarah Elizabeth May 2018
Loneliness
Was never a stranger of mine
Before I met you
And Is no longer a stranger of mine again
Whenever I am not with you
Who knew
That shed come back for me
When you have yours turned to mine
Yes, I know you’re only sleeping
But my mind can’t help but to wonder where you’ve gone
If you’ve wandered off to somewhere,
Someone,
Better than I
I will not cry over my loss of your touch
I will only lament my heart’s feeling of fullness when I feel your hand on mine
Because without it,
Sometimes,
I can’t help but consider why it isn’t there
Only to find 12 hours later to be in your grasp once again.
My dear lover,
Where have you been?
My thoughts have been racing,
And my heart’s been akin
To a post apocalyptic wasteland
Devoid of all life.
But, never mind my temporary strife
Because with my palm feeling your heart’s beat,
And my lips feeling your warmth
I know no one’s torn you away from me
And that sleep
Is the only thing
Keeping us apart.
Bryan has insomnia, and is always the one left alone when I fall asleep on him. I now know how it feels, and the loneliness is killing me. After spending this past Friday-Tuesday in his arms, i want nothing more than to be in them once again.
Sarah Elizabeth Nov 2017
I know objects
Can't truly make people happy
But Darling,
I want to give you the world.
Hold your hand and say
"Baby, you can have whatever you'd like"
Whether it be your favorite lipstick,
Or the moon,
I will
Find my way to the nearest Sephora,
Buy you red velvet from Lime Crime,
And then build a rocket ship
So I can bring you back her cratered Majesty
And maybe,
Pick up a tiara on the way so that you Can be my Majesty, too.
See I know that you don't have to
Own the Moon,
Or wear a crown to be Royalty
So I
Will treat you like a Queen every day,
And will
Never let you forget the role you play in my mind
And My pulse
Every beat getting stronger as you step closer
Baby,
won't you let me give you the universe
A galaxy of beauty lying in your eyes alone
Teeth like stars lighting up the night sky as you begin to laugh.
I
Yearn to make you laugh
Quoting
Cheesy vines
And making
Cheesy puns.
I'm starting to feel like in stuck in the middle of Wisconsin,
But even the middle of nowhere sounds like a nice place to be as long as I'm with you.
As long as its just us two,
And the moon.
Yes I know you can't buy lime crime at Sephora, no I don't care that that one line is inaccurate.
618 · Oct 2017
Interlocking (hold my hand)
Sarah Elizabeth Oct 2017
Hold your own hand Sarah
Because no one is going to hold it for you
No one is going to hold it for you
No one is going to hold it for you
No one is going to be there for you when you need it the most
No
Sometimes
You're going to be alone
So hold your own hand Sarah
When no one else will at least you will have yourself
Your strength
Rivals that of 1000 bulls
And When your hands come together
You can harness that
The strength your mother
Infused into your bones
Interlocking
fingers twisted together in a lonely vigil
their only company the half painted fingernails that adorn them
Fingernails
That can only ever scratch the surface of the potential you possess
You
Have potential
An unknown future laid out in front of you
Scaring you away from possible opportunities
Hold your own hand Sarah
Stop
Second guessing your abilities
You
Look at yourself in the mirror
And see
A beautiful person
Hidden
By a mask of pretty features
You
Are chaos.
A
Fire burning
With
Invisible flames
Only you can see.
Your
Beauty is visible
But only to yourself
Others
Don't see the real you.
While
You see flames dancing
They
See a brick wall with no doors
No windows
No way in
Your
Mind a forbidden garden
Except
No one even knows it exists
See
How can anyone want in on something
When they don't even know it exists
Do you even know I exist?
Hold your own hand Sarah
Hold my hand Sarah
Your consciousness
Witnessing all your poor decisions
More divisions, all created by you
Distancing yourself from those you love most
And blaming it on them
Blaming it on time
Even though you never seem to know how to spend yours productively
Hold my hand Sarah
Maybe if you
Grabbed hold of yourself
Grabbed hold of your mind
Territory that's mine
Then you'd figure a thing or two out about how to
Straighten yourself out.
Hold my hand Sarah
I promise I'll never let you down if you would just
Hold my hand Sarah
Because we both know
I have never let you down
And we both know
That together
We can be stronger
Than ever before.
I started this at work and made myself memorize the beginning so I could write it down after my shift. I'm surprised I actually remembered a poem idea for once
574 · Apr 2018
Bryan, my Love
Sarah Elizabeth Apr 2018
Dear Bryan,
I love it when you
Say my name
With the knowledge that with your last it will never be the same
Say my name
And change my initials to fit yours a little better
At least, one day, we’ll have one letter more in common
Say my name
And fulfill my dreams of being your queen
You say comfort is king
So
In OUR california king bed
I know you’ll do nothing less than make my cheeks red
Blushing
And sore
Say my name
And open the door to our future
Every enunciated letter a step closer to our life together  
Serenade me
Sing me to our reality with the symphony of syllables leaving your luscious lips
Love me like this is the first and last moment of our united consciousness
Say my name
Drive me crazy
On this roadtrip of emotions
Every border crossed and hotel room occupied a new chapter in our lives
Every gallon of gas spent
And motel room left
New memories that we will never forget
Say my name
Don’t refrain from shouting it from the rooftops like you say you want to so badly
One day they’ll be the mountaintops by our California home  
Hold me
While your vocal chords explode with the feelings I hold dear to my heart
While I lay on your chest and hear yours
beat
Ba dum
Ba dum
Ba dum
As if speaking in Morse code:
I love you
I love you
I love you
Translating this language has never been so easy
One of the many tongues I want you to help me be fluent in
Say my name
In your oh so endearing voice
Because I swear
I have never heard it sound so melodious than when it’s coming from your mouth
And if I’m lucky
You’ll be the last one to whisper it in my ear,
Like sweet nothings,
For the rest of our lives.
Love, Sarah Elizabeth Canalejo
Falling for you has been seamless, and simple. Yet lovely, and complex.
485 · Nov 2017
Complacent ( ; )
Sarah Elizabeth Nov 2017
Why
Do I always mess things up?
Turning
Friendship into crush into lack of said friendship.
I
Do not intentionally like those who seem to get me best,
But I,
Do not know how to not mess this up.
I
do not know how to not like her.
See I,
I have a girl crush.
The first since I was 15
So please
Don't take this, or my feelings too lightly;
And,
Because I'm not in a rush to
Tell her how I feel
I
Manage to be complacent with her friendship,
And her company.
See she
Could either become my best friend,
Or my nothing.
Because girl crushes,
For me,
Have always been nothing but unrealistic
Feelings unrequited,
Unreturned,
Unsatisfied;
So I
Shovel them into the mass grave of
Thoughts
And emotions
In hope that,
One day,
She'll dig them up like buried treasure
And treasure them
As if they were her own.
But how
Will she ever find their tombstone
If she doesn't even know what she's looking for?
Lost,
I ask for Her advice.
She
Always seems to have the best advice:
"follow your heart." she offers to me,
But,
Little does she know that means I would have to follow her all day and
I
Don't care much for being a shadow.
I
Ask her how to tell someone the truth about my emotions and she answers:
"With honesty"
And honesty
May always be the best policy for her,
But for me,
Only lies are worth living while I
Lay with someone else,
And the lies I tell myself.
So she
Stays in the dark of my feelings
And the real questions I want to ask
Like
"Should I let us remain friends? Or should I try to make us more?"
Make me
Into
Her companion
A
Two girl coven
With no room
For anything other than magic
And unmade memories
An
Empty grimoire
Filled with
Blank Polaroids,
Uncast spells,
And unspoken words
Of feelings unshared.
I
Don't mind the idea of a relationship unhad
But my brain
flickers like a broken street light
In warning that my feelings towards others are only fake
Refusing to let me ignore that he
Is nowhere close to she,
And that she
Will never truly care for me.
Not so long as she is oblivious,
And I am dishonest.
Complacency doesn't have to be negative, does it?
Sarah Elizabeth Oct 2017
I think
The definition of being
"Emotionally Unstable"
Is dropping a pencil on the floor
And wanting to cry
Not
Because of the pencil falling
But the irony
Of how you are able to pick up an inanimate object
But unable
To pick up yourself

It is
Reading a book
And
Looking at the words
Yet
Not truly seeing them
Rereading the first page
100 times
Hoping to find the meaning
That your life
Seems to have lost

It is
Dropping things for no reason
Because you're too numb
To feel your own fingers
But feel too much
To let go
And forgive yourself

It is
Worshipping the hands of the clock
Like a savior
As if every passing minute will bring you to a better future
Not realizing
that every passing minute
Is a vice
That never seems to loosen its hold
On your consciousness

It is
Writing poetry
In hopes
That one day
You will better understand yourself
Through words on a page
Than through your own mind
Hoping
That you will no longer be a subconscious stranger
Occupying your own thoughts
And misleading
The girl you wish to be.
Today I almost started crying In class after dropping a pen on the floor. It made me realize that no matter how long I ignore my feelings, they will never ignore me.
435 · Nov 2017
From the Stop, Watching (I)
Sarah Elizabeth Nov 2017
Staring
Seeing:
You.
Fishnet stockings,
Ripped jeans,
A Green, flowing button up,
Crystals adorning your collarbones,
Filling your pockets
Runes
Burning unpredicted futures into their denim,
Bracelets
Warming your wrists with the love offered by the souls who gave them to you.
Expression,
For you,
Was never something shown.
Shining,
For you,
Was never something shown.
You
Finally learned how good it feels to look like yourself
To
Put yourself on a shelf
A pedestal
Instead of 6 feet under your shoes.
It has taken
A shoal of revelations
To realize
That the world can only revolve around you
If you let it.
It has taken
18 years
Of contemplation
To realize
You can only lose faith on yourself
If you allow it.
To see
That If you grow
Your potential
To the size of a hydrogen filled giant.
Your emotions,
Like Venus,
And Saturn,
And Neptune,
And Mars,
Will Revolve around your protective flares,
Manipulated
By the gravity
Of your thoughts and choices.
Instead of them
Pulling you
Out of yourself
And forcing you into the simplicity
Of the very atoms
You are made of.
I thought of this as I recalled my always missing the bus as a kid, and how, now, I (almost) always make it on time. This is part I of II.
423 · Oct 2017
The leech
Sarah Elizabeth Oct 2017
I am not alone in my mind
The
Echoing corridors
Home to the unknown
Turning corners
Wondering
When I will run into something
Someone?
Or Some creature.

A leech
Taking advantage
Of my fragile thoughts
Feeding off of my insecurities
So I try to have none
I
Strive towards confidence like holy water
Dousing my consciousness in hope that I might convince them to leave
Or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself
And maybe the leech is self doubt.
The first line came from a journal one of my classmates presented, and it inspired me to write this.
Sarah Elizabeth Sep 2017
The garden of Eden is no place for fools, but you somehow made your way in
Every step tainting the very ground you walk on, every touch turning flowers and trees to stone
If only you left this place alone
My home
My sanctuary
Is not for you to own
Yet you still weild a trowel and rip up all that I have honed
But what you don't know
Is that I am not helpless
Just because you are destructive doesn't mean I can help myself less
Less than, is all you see me as
Not realizing that I'm more than just a piece of ***
Take a step back
And look at the mess you think you've made
Invading the beautiful glade I call my own
A garden now made of stone
Cold and heartless regardless of the sun shining down
Turns out that sun is now covered by rain clouds
Thunder booming loud
Turn around
See the rain pouring, hear its sound,
Are you proud?
Of all that you have done
You, a hurricane, just having a little fun
But now its time for you to run
Tracking mud over the path of which you came from
But little do you know
That one day you will atone
And that one day
This garden, now of stone
Will, over time, be eroded by the rain
And will return to the mud you have created
Left to regrow, on its own, once again.
405 · Nov 2017
Leaving (don't break.)
Sarah Elizabeth Nov 2017
"John, Jennifer, Sarah, can I talk to all of You? Together?"
Words that I thought too little of and too much of, in unison.
My
Heart dropping
My
Mind dismissing my troubled emotions
"I'm sure it's nothing big" I thought to myself "it must be about dishes, or the broken garbage disposal, right?"
But,
My subconscious knew how wrong I was;
what my sheltering thoughts tried to ignore:
"We
Are getting evicted."
9 years of memories, not gone, but the house they were made in
We will no longer occupy
And
Will never occupy again.
I
Am not exactly sure how to feel
I
Don't really know if I am feeling too little, or too much
I
Don't think I've really even processed the fact yet.
What I thought would be a family conference about cleaning, or dishes turned into news we never saw coming
How
Does one process something you were never expecting to come.
We have
2 weeks:
To process,
To appreciate,
To memorize,
To let go.
Nothing I haven't been through before, and on shorter notice in the past
So this time
I will be stronger,
And older
I will be wiser than my constantly moving child-self ever was
I will
Not break, or crack under the pressure or the weight of past memories
I will
Mature
And be sturdy
And do the most that I can to help.
Because this
Isn't, and won't be easy on any of us.
So I
Will do my best
And we will get through this,
All of us,
Together.
Last night, my mom brought me and my siblings together to reveal to us that we are being evicted. She has been protecting us since the day before thanksgiving and holding it in on her own, waiting to get us all together. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to be the only one to know.
377 · Feb 2018
Bleed;
Sarah Elizabeth Feb 2018
The edges of my heart
Cut my soft fingertips every time I try to put the shards back together
Shattered, it struggles to not beat itself into pieces once again
Sometimes,
It feels as if my heart isn't the only point of origin for the blood Pumping through my veins
My lungs
Have become nothing but collateral damage from the
Razor sharp "I love you's,"
Their causalness
Serrating my gentle, slowing breaths
Stopping my heart's beating
Every word holding a little less meaning
"I love you?" I say back, confusèdly
Wondering
Exactly what percentage of your heart you think you poured into your words
Because I
Didn't hear any of it.
Cold, Callous
sandpaper tongue
Licking at the firey feelings of Doubt in my mind
Maybe
My quieted voice can quench my questions
Smother the slivers of vowels lodged in my lungs
Trust me when I say you cannot hold in the blood flowing from my wounds
By holding My hand.
Shorter than I yet
Somehow your lies stand taller than my inner knowing truth.
Your heart is flawless and filled with youth
So you
Cannot see the end as being anything other than mutual
Like my heart fingers and lungs
Are mutually bleeding
Sometimes, it is hard to tell which is bleeding more
Sometimes,
It is hard to tell if I am holding myself together or continuously falling further apart
Not like you would know the difference
You only ever held me when I didn't need it
When I smiled
Your mouth was filled with i love yous
But when I cried
It was never filled with questions
Why
Did you never try to see through me
Or even simply into my eyes
I thought you knew I wouldn't let you drown in my tears
But
Your reluctance to talk about my fears
Only shoved my own head under the steadily rising waters of sadness
And despair
My dear, how did you get so distant?
Moons, planets, light years away
Your heart
May as well have been located in the andromeda galaxy
Because i
Could never truly reach it
Did you really want to become so distant?
When I just wanted to reside by your side
I guess I'll dont really want to know the reason why
Or if it would have even been worth it to try
To fix us.
My girlfriend and i broke up. She says it was mutual, but if one person isn't ready for a relationship, and the other is willing to try, is it really mutual?
320 · Feb 2018
Favorite Boy
Sarah Elizabeth Feb 2018
You may be my number one but,
Coming in second place ain’t nothing but me on the run from your first love.
Sneaking into your room
Smelling nothing but her fresh sprayed perfume
Laying on her pillow on her side of the bed
Its almost too easy to just pretend
To you, there is nothing to mend
Nothing wrong with it
It’s just *** no feelings in it
You say to yourself “it isn’t really cheating”
While telling me I’m the one who really gets your heart beating
Filling me with fleeting horomones I know will go away when I go home
But
Right now you and I are all alone
If I try to leave you’ll just call my name and groan
“I can’t live without you”
So I’ll crawl into the bed that you pretend is ours
As if we’re the ones engaged in more than just an affair
I lie to you and  tell you I just don’t care that i am not yours
As you hold my body and stroke my hair
I almost feel loved
But I know in reality there are no doves in our future
And No future for those imaginary symbols of love to inhabit
So, after our fun
I rise up and
Smile and
Say goodbye
Because no matter how hard I try I will
Never be your number one
And not looking back I’m
Back on the run
This time, not from your day one,
But from you, and your false illusion of love.
Inspired by “Best Friend” by Rex Orange County
313 · Sep 2017
Misunderstanding
Sarah Elizabeth Sep 2017
She
Refuses to comprehend
How he
can misunderstand
Misread
Maybe he was misled by her signals
But he
Has gone too far
Too far
She supposes, to him, means too far to stop
Too far to take his hands off
Her top
Once on her now lays on the cold ground
If you look closely, you just might find her dignity lying next to it
Her shorts
Lost underneath the covers
Just like her muffled objections
Her bra
Is unhooked
By the hands that used to comfort her
The same hands
Have become a merciless vice
Locked around her, with no key to undo them but his own will
Her lips
Are smothered by his own
Every kiss a death sentence silencing every sentence she tries to speak
The only sound to be heard are the cries of her limbs
Screaming to get away from him
But they
Are never heard
Their words falling on deaf ears as he pushes her to the breaking point
until the word "no" stops filling her lungs until the word "stop" no longer passes her lips
until the word "please" is taken as a yes, and not as a plead for help
She could use some help
As she lies there wondering how she got in this situation in the first place
247 · Sep 2017
Awkwardness (or Anxiety?)
Sarah Elizabeth Sep 2017
Standing behind a friend I used to have
Wanting to make conversation
But I can't
Not quite
Able to
Open my mouth
Not quite
Able to
Make my tongue form letters
From a suddenly foreign language I can't seem to figure out
English
Is somehow my best subject
But speaking
Only serves
To be the most difficult skill
I have yet to learn
115 · Jan 2020
Introspection
Sarah Elizabeth Jan 2020
So beautiful,
Yet so sad.

Is this a pity party?
Or am I just mad

At myself

For always making the same mistakes

For never going to a different place
Instead,
I remain comfortable. Stationary.
Give into silence.

Speak my mind only when I feel safe.
So I write.
It’s been a silent few years in terms of my writing.
I miss school solely for the fact that I was pushed to write... it almost feels foreign to me now.
Thank you for reading.

— The End —