This is how you know it hurts
your heart feels cut
eyes feel heavy
your tongue falls numb
that happy playlist makes you cry

This is how you know you messed up
the memories are polaroids of regrets
each time you think of them
you feel undressed
you see your secrets creeping from the ground,
ghosts that Will haunt you past this lifetime
to a decade where you unlearn what you learnt

They said you'll only live once
but you've lived a lifetime with tears held back
wondering how it would have been
if you never crossed that path.
If you just moved forward and never looked back

Now you ask yourself,
Was it better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all
Or,  was it's better to have lost them
Just to find your soul.

_lost and found

/aine/

I thought about us tonight
I remembered your voice on the other end of the line,
3 hours never passed so fast ,
I still remember the promises of forever,
the sick joke you told but we never laughed together

I remember my laughter,
was reluctant to believe my own thoughts of maybe you were just  like the others,

Remember?  when I told you that this was never here to last but you told me that this is all you want

Remember? said this was going too fast & you assured me that I'll never ever get hurt

Remember? I still held scars from past hurts but blindly followed my heart  as you told me that the heart wants what it wants

Remember?  you called me your only girl while you held a cluster in your hands with high mighty disregard

Remember?  laid  myself out to you as an unholy sacrifice  and you picked on each blemish like a predator on its prey

Remember ? the unanswered texts as you missed my calls purposely and I loosed my mind on whether you are fine or not

Remember?  that last call when you said my name with in a dreary tone I wasn't accustomed to.

Remember,  the unspoken words hanged between us like a noose waiting for a neck to tighten around to as you said the words: its not you , its me. And  I felt the truth crush into me like a meteor crushing  the  solid ground

Remember? even after all that I still chased after you
Like an outcast finding a home I still  came to you
Then you showed me what I really meant to you
And I swore to forget you as much as i once loved you
But here I am still learning how to unlove you.

There's a day you'll  remember that someone once loved you .

We struggle to die
Running right into life's trap
Racing with time ,
We want to grow up
No one to blame that's just us

We age and we differ
Our bones becoming weaker
Our skins lose the  glimmer
Our teeth have no holder
We look back onto the days we were young and merrier
No one to blame that's just us

We seek home in holes
Love ,lust and betrayal
Cries, laughs days pass on
History writen ,they say it lives on
Legends writen over our dry bones
No one to blame that's just us

We can't see these wonders anymore
The sky no longer embraces our world
6 feet deep it feels stone cold
Our souls in rest in the world unknown
As the recite these words on our tombstone
There's No one to blame that's just us

©mereidow

At Eighteen.
She was lost,
Bleeding from inside out
With wounds unhealed from her past,
But all they saw was her lustic smile.
She, a beautiful flower drowning in the deep-
Under the grasp of self destruct,
Silently, She called for help but they didn't listen.
All they chose to see was beauty
covering the ugly truth of her imperfect life,
They chose the lies because it was easy,
It is easy to think one is fine, after all
“It saves you the emotional energy they said"
While she sunk deeper into the deep,
a black hole called reality
She awaited for signs that someone noticed
both her pain and joy
But all they chose to see way the joy
Until sadness took that away
Through the unholy vessel called anxiety and,
Depression her ally
She finally lost her spark
And all they chose to see were her beautiful memories (Lies)
Covering yet another part of her ,
Her story and the battles she fought
All on her own

The sun never shines
it never rises on us
it always falls so dark
in this part of town
that light is not for us

We never smile so wide
the extravagance is not for us
our mouths are dry with thirst
and shut with hunger and hurt
there's never water for us

We do not hold tomorrow
the thought is stored away from us
that fate is not our own
we are told to go with the flow
even the future is not for us.

Can't sleep without it
can't live with it either
beautiful pleasure and guilt,
that lingers each time
I close my mouth, eyes wide. Shut

it's not that I love it
it loves me more than I have it
brings me close with it's claws
tears unfold while it goes
and I don't ,

I don't want to do this anymore .

silent prayers to the gods that I'd let it go
and mercies to my mother that she'd never get to know,
her little baby is no more.

All is left is shame ,flying high
with the hope
that no one ever knows
and that these walls forever more,
keep a secret or watch it all unfold.