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Addison Hubbs May 2020
after the noose, pills, or blade,
i will once again be your phantasm
and i will tear you apart
just as you tore me
i'm sorry, logan
I keep lying
and lying and lying and lying
And when I'm confronted about my lies
I lie more

My life is a lie
I don't tell the truth
Why do people listen
When all I say are lies
  May 2020 Addison Hubbs
m h John
each broken promise
comes with a broken heart

we both knew this
but still continued to break each other’s

one too many times
Addison Hubbs May 2020
I'm back,
Not better.
Continually fighting a never ending circle of heartbreak.
Will it end?
I'm not better,
But I'm back.
Addison Hubbs Jan 2019
This pain
My chest
Anxiety weighs in.
This pain
My wrist
Depression weighs in.
This pain
My heart
Heartbreak weighs in.
No pain
No life
Suicide weighs in.
  Dec 2018 Addison Hubbs
I’m addicted to the feel of cold metal sliding across bare flesh
Addicted to the instant
when nothing marks smooth skin
immediately before
red rivers rapidly rise
painting a once white canvas
with a flood of emotion,
tears on my cheeks,
sobs caught in my throat,
numbness replaced by pain & sadness.
Addicted to the imperfection
of red welts and dotted scabs that follow,
fingers drawn like magnets
to the texture of healing skin,
tracing over and over and over now fading ridges
Amazed that I am strong enough
to heal myself over and over and over.
Convincing myself that I am strong enough.
I find strength in my weakness.
6 months self harm free! Writing about it helps fight the urge
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