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Adri Oct 6
You
I always dreamed of holding you again,
of seeing you for that first last time.
I knew you would miss home eventually,
that you would come back.
I just never thought that it would be now
Standing six feet apart,
in these circumstances
your brother's coffin resting in between.
Adri Sep 30
I can feel his shadow looming,
My weight
fluctuating
quickly dropping to my knees
all at once.
A sinking, falling feeling,
I nod off the thought
I can’t think about falling now.

Focus shifts to my rough hands,
worn,
cracked,
aching.
Feeling his intensity carving into the helmet
it is strengthened,
but his breath is held as
the rope dangles around my belt.  
Tie
knot and
pull through.

My lifeline,
the only thing connecting us
to the sixty feet tower
we stand on.  
When free falling,
it is our one saving grace.

Drill Sergeant told us,
He would only show us only once.
If we mess up,
we fall.
He’s watching.
His breath reigns heavy,
deep,
staggered,
on the back of my neck,
yet he remains silent.

I turn to plead with his fiery gaze,
begging for the reaffirmation.
That it is okay,
that it will catch me in time
as I let go.
Thin lips curl into a smile
that tells me to
get off of his tower.
I jump.
Adri Sep 25
Subservient only to the wind
the gently blowing of the sycamore,
the soft green hues that line the countryside.
Small tufts of grass uprooted by
the gentle tug of the cows,
endlessly wandering the pastures.

The slow plod of time,
marked by the solitary grazing of the lone herd.
My steps marking the familiar indentations of
stretched gravel roads that seem to continue infinitely

A set rhythm of the land,
enclosed by rusted barbed wire,
stretching for acres against the
slanted posts forced upon one another.
Lush green trees cradle the relentless sky

I beckon for the cows to follow
They do so,
blindly not questioning
the authority of the one that offers food.  
I’m greeted
like a deity of honeydew and apple blossoms.
Bearing these gifts,
I am welcomed
by the cattle that I care for so dearly

I spend day after day with the cows
Growing closer,
caring for the new calves,
cherishing the bond that was built.
I begin to love them more than I love myself

Soon the long summer days,
turn to the crisp evenings of autumn.
I follow my familiar route to the pasture
Hopping the fence,
whistling a cheerful note,
but today is different.
The trees were singing a somber tune
as if the birds were crying out
pleading with the heavens above.
Adri Sep 21
One of my earliest memories,
was that of watching western movies.
I craved that consistency
The intangible prospect of
the same storyline,
the same happy endings,
that existed universally within them:
Cowboy gets the girl,
they ride away.

I knew they were just that:  
Fictional.
I never believed
in the idea that one could have
a fairytale ending,
like that.
I never believed  
in having hope,
like that.  
Until I met him.  
  
I called him cowboy.
I was his, as he was mine.
Every week I knew he would be waiting.
Rushing around,
he was full of the life and energy
that I needed the most
in those darkest of times.  

We spent every day that we could
Together, inseparable.
Laughter,
muffled in each other’s arms.
Sitting together for hours
our only worry,
would be the passing of the distant trains.

Falling into such a routine
became my hope,
My own happy ending.
As the world changes seasons
all things beautiful,
inevitably change.

I could smell his breath from across the truck,
thick and stagnant.
The girl had been my friend.
I had trusted her,
trusted them both more than life itself.
“How could you do this to me?”

The courage to say it effortlessly fills me,
I feel it leave my mouth
like petals in the wind.
Stuttering over his words
rendered meaningless,
his adrenaline drunken eyes
search my soul to form an answer,
to such a simple question.

“Get out,” he says.
My mouth quivers
trying to process his enraged words
He repeats himself,  
“You heard me. Get out of the truck.”
With the opening of this final cage door
and the fresh smell of diesel
left standing in the air
serenaded by the squeal of his tires,
I was left standing alone.

I was free at last.
With the dark silhouette of his truck against the sunset,
growing smaller and more distant,
he was gone.
The cowboy rides away,
this time leaving the girl.
This is really, really difficult for me to talk about-much less publish it to the general public. If you're reading this, I forgive you. I hope you're doing okay, and I just want you to know that I'll never stop loving.

— The End —