It's hard
Hard to see past the lies you told me that are still stuck in my head even when your fake presents of the "love" you had for me has left.

Part of me hopes it would have died by now

But it hasn't.

I remember when you fell asleep on my lap and how we used to be before you moved on to someone new
   Better
       Pretty
           Fun for you

It's okay though,
I shouldn't have been so close to someone I knew could break my heart

People on the streets say pretty
   Cute
         Lovely

But the people on the streets are not friends

So when I say lonely
    Gross
       Falling apart
    
They don't understand because they are just

  
           People on the street

It's hard to say when it went wrong
  Exactly when the sun hit the trees,
    When the moon became my best friend?

Where did I stray so far from the "right" why of life

Words
Can't find the right ones
Essays
  Can't seem to write them selfs
Stress
   Bubbles over the will to work
Rain
   Smoothing out the ruff edges
Finished
   The next day is free to write what
Writes
        
  

                                     It




Self

I wish you took all our memories with you when you left
   With the feelings
      And the messages
        Even the thoughts

I would've rather they left when you did so I wouldn't miss you as much as I do right now

its over. schools back and the soul I once thought no one could never break caved in with the weight of someone i thought never meant to hurt me

is it bad the little cracks in my heart and the empty feeling in my tummy keep growing

the scars on my wrists grow darker because the cat my lack of A's in the report card bring peering eyes and worry

the crushed soul has left and the sad eyes to leaving me with this shell people would once have said was beautiful

the beauty should come back but its been forever and the broken child hasn't left since she first came to visit  

           that's it the once smiley hopeful child


                                        gave up her everything

I wanna stop
stop smoking
   stop the cutting
     and at some point

stop existing