Half-drunk bottle of tequila
Smoking inside
Feeding cats
"I am real and you are not"

I bask in the silky, blue-gray Alaskan light which blankets my mother's bedroom
at 3am
while, from the cat's fur ,
Static sparks
each time my hand runs down his sleek back and
cool campfire air drifts in through the open window where
Mosquitos are clinging to the screen

you may be kind of strange
i've been meaning to confess
from modern takes on elegance
you usually digress
your words are sometimes muddled
rather jumbled and askew
i know, these sound like grievances,
but they're reasons i love you!
your silliness is incomparable
your wit can not be beat
and trust i'll never treat you
like you're just a piece of meat
i hope my words aren't shocking
some leeway you must give
to a gal who just can't fathom
how without you she would live!
so keep up your nutty antics
my dear they are divine
and know that im delighted
to call you my valentine!

no feelings that i have tampered with
have rendered me so stark and airless
don't shrink like me just let us begin
by sharing different sensations:
adding air to blue and
begged-for kisses

It's chilly/overcast
the street is empty: wednesday 215pm
everyone is at school or at work
This is when I thrive.

No worrying what each car is thinking of me as they drive by
the urge to check the backs of my shoes in case I've stepped in something is diminished.
"Whatismyhairdoingarethesepantstootight? These pants are too tight.
Hide your cigarette so they won't see. Am i walking in a straight line?
Should i be on this side of the road or the other
There's no sidewalk I don't know.

Someone I know
Someone I ******
Will inevitably drive by
Pity me
'That's her isn't it? Why is she walking by herself in the cold?
She doesn't have a car? Pathetic. She can afford to buy
cigarettes at ten bucks a pack? Irresponsible.'"
Head held high walking down an empty street
Useless.

I feel the heat still radiating from newly-parked cars
Small and fleeting moments of relief
Akin to meeting eyes with an attractive stranger on the street
Making whatever this is
Easier to bear

drink like bukowski
write like ****
start a new job thursday
i guess this is it

Stop.
Shooting.
Cupid's arrows
From the corners
Of
Your
Eyes

I woke in a haze
I noticed how strange you were
No more gin for me

That evening I tried
To act like I didn't mind
We watched a movie

BUT

I hardly know you
I can't be your ******* friend
I hate what happened

You surely recall,
Better than I, what we did
And that’s just not fair

Just leave me alone

What, tell me,
is this lead in my brain?
When was it placed there?
Why have I abstained
from those nonsensical stories
I wrote as a kid?
Little mind unscathed,
silly thoughts untampered with.
I was such a quick thinker,
the reel never quit
What happened to the cheeky me
full of bravery and wit?
Now this heart's always pounding,
mind full of wanton dread
I suppose I'll start by peeling
Let's say off with my head!
Layer by layer
hold fast in its stead
One thought at a time now,
'til I'm back from the dead

I'll wait until dark
to buy myself a bottle
please, night, come quickly

Spending so much time  alone.
I hope this is constructive.

I hear an opera
Somebody is home upstairs
Let's drown them out with a shower.
Turn the jazz up high
as I
We
Will dance: slowly, sleepily
Naked in the mirror
Until the water gets hot enough

my hands find solace
tapping out the syllables
everything is verse

i found out about her in june
"he's been living with me for 3 weeks" she said
"he helps me take care of my son"
i kick over the trash can
its fetid and forgotten contents
now spread across our home