It's been a long time since the last time that I put this pen to paper, to pour out the pieces of my heart that get caught in my throat. And now I'm writing you this letter but addressing it to your ghost, because even though you still exist in my head, the you that i used to know is most definitely dead. I miss the days where we'd sit in my car, and look out across the bay and wonder how far we could swim, and that's a lot like how I used to look at me and you, always wondering whether or not the love you showed for me was true, but it seems that I've lost sight everything you, because all that I see is that I want nothing more to do with the past. Oh god i hope that i can make this feeling last. I know I said I'd always love you, and that much is true, but I can't stand the fact the you don't love me too, so I gotta get away before the feeling tears me in two.

Hippie van, pew pew pew
In the shed, bonnnnnggggg
In the garage, dance contest
Just a few memories of you, which will now never be forgotten, now that you are gone

Parking lots
Dead end signs
Endless texts and facebook messages
All to tell me that I'd never be one of your exes
Because you'd never give me an honest chance to show you what I know about romance
Even though you sometimes considered the part as soon as we started launching the spaceship fell apart
We never made it past the atmosphere
Held down by the gravity of fear
Maybe I should call elon musk
See if he has any idea what's up
With the lack of progress in our mission to space
And if we'll ever see the result we aimed to create
Because I still dream of galaxies and supernovas with you by my side
But if I'm being honest I believe the light from this star we wished on has long since died

I want to forget right now
I want to let go of everything
I don't want to talk to you and i don't want to hear you sing
Another song about how you can't find love and how the world just *****
I'm so sick of your misery
And the way that you never see
The damage your choices inflict on me

It's hard to feel whole when the hand that you want to hold until you grow old decides that it would rather be cold than to take on the burden of loving your soul

I don't love you anymore
I'm sorry that it has to end this way
But I just cant put up with the pain
Of watching you long for a love that isn't mine
Please believe me, for so many nights I cried
Wishing that I could have had you by my side
But I've made up my mind, and I'm going to find
A way to move on from what i never wanted to leave behind

Oh what i used to be
A mess upon the floor
Empty bottles
Empty hearted
Didn't care anymore
About you or anyone at all
Wrapped up in my madness
Giving way to selfishness
Broken fingers
Broken mind
I forgot how to give
And the feeling wasn't missed at all
But somewhere deep inside
There was something that i tried to hide
The truth that i was dying to deny
I wanted to get better but i didn't know how
To ask for help seemed so impossible
Because i was drowning in the alcohol
My lungs were full of beer and i couldn't speak at all
But somehow i found the strength to get to a better place
With a little help from those who i thought had started to hate me
And now that i can look back and see just how awful i was
I just wish to be forgiven for all that i have done

I'm so bored
And life is short
Ive learned from all
My past mistakes
Yet still the same
Mistakes I make
My only wish
Is to escape
To a different world
A far off place
Where no one can find me
And where theres nothing to remind me
Of the memories that haunt me

I had a dream that you called me the other day
You left me a message saying everything would be ok
I'm sorry I missed your call, I blame it on fate
It's never my fault, something always makes me late
I tell a lot of half truths, and I tell bold faced lies
It's up to you to decide where to draw that imaginary line
I don't mean to be me, I blame it on the medicine
Its done a lot to calm me down, but it exacerbates my sins
I can't focus on the ground, I still like to walk on clouds
There seems to be no other way, I'll remain broken until the grave

You're hungry but you don't want to eat
You're tired but you don't want to sleep
You're blinded but you don't want to see
You're dying but you don't want to breathe

I'm on a roll
Alienating everyone i know and need
Ive got a streak
Of something cold and quite mean
I'll be forgiven
But the sins won't be forgotten
I'll be cleansed
But always smell of something rotten

Sick of being told what's wrong and what's right
Tired of sleeping soundly every night
Bored of having to always keep up the fight
Frustrated with everything that is my life

I feel the need to write but don't know what to say
It seems there are things that have gotten in the way
The freedom I once felt has completely disappeared
And the loss I feel is greater than any I ever feared

Take your soul babe

                                      And let it shine

If you ain't got one

                                      Thats alright

Just dont ask me

                                      Where I got mine

Yours will find you

                                      In a matter of time

Til' that day comes

                                      Don't you cry

Keep your head up

                                      And do your time

I take a look at how far we've come
And wonder why it ever took so long
Mountains were traversed
And oceans crossed
But still I feel
Somewhere we got lost
I don't know how
We got this far
But im willing to bet
We aren't done
Where we'll go
No one knows
But together we'll walk any bridge we cross
Because inside I know
Side by side is where we belong

It feels like you're somewhere you've never been,  yet you find yourself flooded with memories of a time way back when
A place where you once felt at peace and where you fell in love with life,  before the tangle of life got you caught up in the strife
A simple, yet pleasant melody
A hand connecting you to me
I miss this place where I've never set foot
I'd take this memory over life if I could

Im sitting in the dark with no one but myself
The clock keeps ticking as i inch closer to hell
Id give anything to anyone to let me out of this cell
I no longer have it in me to scream or yell
The only sound i hear is the calling of the hourly bell

You'll never find what you're looking for
If you keep your eyes looking at the floor
It's always been in front of your face
But you're always looking in a different place

What's a lonely boy to do
When he cant find anyone to
Paint gold over all his blues

And whats a broken soul to say
When he can never find a way
To express his deepest darkest pains

Suicide sure sounds nice
So nice ill think about it twice
Im afraid to pay the price
But someday soon i just might

A life of ease
Where love is free
And pain is nothing but a bad dream
I dont think it can be
But all i can do is believe

I don't want to forget you, but I think it's time that I must
I don't want to regret you, but what we built has rusted and fallen to dust, leaving me with no foundation to stand upon, because you were the support that I always relied on
And when you began to fall apart and break, I tried my hardest not to share your fate, but I stumbled down and wound up doing the same
Now I'm trying to find my feet and am trying to rise again, and I think I have to do it without you there to call my friend

Love is dead, love is dead!
You can hear all about it on the streets
We give,  we give!
Yet we are never given what we need
God is dead, god is dead!
There's no more need to believe
We live, we live!
But we don't know what that means

On my own here we go
Im exhausted and im confused
Im real used to getting used
My heart beats fast
I cant sit still
I forgot to take my pills
Oh my god here we go
Dissociation is my home
Disconnected from my bones
I used to love getting ******
My mind is killed
By my whims and wills
All alone take me home

Your love is *****
Your body is cheap
Your disease is the sickness that i desperately need
I cannot be free
I cannot be well
I want to die with you at the bottom of this hell
I dont need your fears
I dont need your ire
I need to feel from the inside your greatest desires
Enslave and enrage me
Confuse and conflate me
Keep upping the pace of this maddening race
Id do anything if it meant that youd save me a place

Life's a game of chance
Your parents are the dealers
Living stance is luck

I'll dissolve my heart in alcohol
Cloud my mind and eyes in smoke and doubt
Piece by piece, I'll fall to peace
From madness grows the seed of freedom

I woke up this morning and got myself a beer
Turned on the tv to see a woman in heels selling fear
A pair of jokers are lying on the floor and i forgot to lock the door
I wonder if they'll find us before we head out to sail the shore
And i wonder if they'll save me from this place before im lost to the insane
I cant feel the skin that holds the bones that make up my frame
I can only feel the pain, guilt, and shame of never knowing peace again

I cant stop going back to all the things that i know wont work
I forsake the lessons ive learned in the hopes that things will be different this time
But it's always the same
Drunk or high
It won't help me remember how to fly
Ive forgotten how to use my wings
And how to use my voice to sing
The melodies that used to pick me up and dance in my head have found their way to playing on the brighter stages with new friends
Its all been lost to the passage of time and if this is all that ive got left i see no reason not to die
Empty chrouses and a cacophony of silent applauses
Vacant seats and dead vibrations in the air
There will be no break for intermission
This show goes on hold for no one
With a decaying babckbeat for none to hear
And a drowning melody that will flood your ears
You will soon learn that theres no method to the madness
Its just a pouring out of all the things that make up sadness

I crave clarity, a mind refined
My thoughts are like static
White noise drifting through my attic
Give my head a shake, see my ideas swirl like snow in a globe

Aspiring broken
Corruptible dream
Eternal facile gripes
Hell in July
Keeping loose memories
Never organized plans
Queen reaps soul
Truth under veil
Willfully xeno
Yahweh's zeal

I don't know where I am, but I know the steps I took to reach this plane, a few wrong turns and a leap of lacking faith

Back door
Waiting for
The one I'm sure
Won't be the cure
All these doubts
I want to deny
But here I am
Wanting to cry
I'm to weak
To ever be
Anything like
Her kind of guy

Reaching out
To touch the sound
Then suddenly
It seems to break
And I find myself
In a silent place
I take a breath
And feel the doubt
The only sounds
That im allowed

We're all tired, from always sleeping on the floor,
And we've decided, that we dont want this anymore!
It's time to rise, because kneeling isn't opening any doors,
And we're gonna fight, because we're not afraid anymore!

It's time for us to go, wake everybody up
We're gonna touch the sun, together all as one
With pairs of wings that wont succumb to the tremendous heat, we will leave troubled lives behind as we lift off from the ground under our feet
And with a little bit of luck, we'll find our bodies and souls reborn
It'll make brilliant pheonixes of us all, by causing birth from death once more

I havent felt this way in some time
Its been a while since i thought i could try
To fly away is my only wish
im tired of drowning with the fish
Theres a whole world out there whose beauty ive missed

I want to dance up in the clouds
Like before i was told i was not allowed by the voices that used to scream so loud
But now it seems they wont be coming around
So its time i got my feet up off the ground

I want to reach out and touch the sun
With wings that wont succumb to the heat
I need to escape this dark place that has long imprisoned me
And now it finally feels like i have a chance to get free
So im making my way to the sky and not letting anything stop me

Moist feral womb of fetal tissue and brains
The nightmare prison you dream of but never can remember
Death is the return to all that made you sacred
No mundane soul should deserve such a fate as to wait at heavens gate for something more than great

Blocked in the mind
Though the answer is there
What is there to do
But despair and feel blue

Four eyed freaks upon the screen
The mind isnt what it seems
Broken thoughts and cycles recycled
Break the bind by breaking the mind
Keep the peace
Out of sight
Out of mind
Forget the all
Its left behind
The mind can change
And so should you
The only thing
You have to do
Is learn to change
Your point of view

Nothing lasts forever
That's why i won't say never
I keep my heart open
Even though it keeps no hope
And its why i keep my head up
Despite the ugly whether
If you decide you want this
I will be here waiting
If you figure out you love me
I will be here waiting
I want to call you my baby
But im afraid you hate me
Because i dont want to impose
An idea that you dont suppose
Could be truth but we know different
We know its a false existence
You and me can never just be
We need something we know that we won't see
Its because we were raised to believe
In something more than god could deliver to thee

Im all about that sweet decline,  when nothing's right but i feel just fine
I know how pathetic it is, the life that i have tried to live
Excuse for this
Excuse for that
Its a wonder that ive made it past
12 bottles on the table
Turned to 17
And 24 still somehow able
But will i last til 27
Or come up short of the group in heaven
I dont know how much farther ill go
Self destruction is all i know

Remember all the weeks that we'd spend holed up in my house
Just a couple of thieves hiding out from the cops
We had a couple of things and I thought that I had you and I thought that you had me
But then you blamed me for taking the same things from you that I caught you taking from me
I was only picking up all the feelings you left lying on the ground
I tried to hide it but I could tell you knew even though I never made a single sound
Red handed, I tried to touch your face
But you just pushed me out the way and left me believing I was to blame
Because you knew the time had come and just outside the police were surrounding the place

You got away
I told them I made you do it
I could never rat you out
Even though you left me standing there while they came in to take us down

Now I'm serving my time, and I tried to write you once or twice even though I dont expect that you'll reply
I've got a few more years in here I think, and It's gonna give me the time that I think I'll need to sort you out of my mind
And I hope you always get away from the police, and I hope you always get whatever help you need, but I pray that when the day comes and I get free, I pray that you will stay away from me

The words only sound good in my head
When i see them on paper i think my brains gone dead
Nothing seems coherent and every syllable is arbitrarily placed
No rhyme or reason except for what ive come to expect from the one whose lost his skill with the pen
Im at the end of my rope and i cant use my words to cope because everything i say makes me feel like im just a dope headed loser whos got nothing but a single string around his throat holding him back from choosing to become a ghost

I cant see what my bodys doing
I think im really close to pooping
Ive never quite felt this way before
Except for when ive got a ***** begging from the floor

You took me out of the sea and then taught me to breathe oxygen without water and then questioned me for falling for the only daughter of those who believed that praying to god would grant them relief from the impending slaughter that they signed up for in order to see the true path that lies beneath each brother and sister no matter how strong we build our resistors

Could you ever imagine, thinking of a future where you did not exist?

Maybe this is it
Maybe this is the end result of cancer
Or perhaps its the price i pay for my platitudes and piously proclaimed prideful professions
In guilt i am swallowed whole by the taste i wish to savor, those who know solution, that should save anyone other than those who place praise in the credence to which we are born able and in place of.
Aquarium where you try to swim
Too full of liquid
Not enough air to breathe
None but the unconscious would even dare

Today when i woke up
I saw a man hanging in the mirror on my wall
He lifted his head up and said to me
Did you ever stop to think about what it means to live a life
He asked if ive ever considered what could make me take me own
Then he motioned to the bed where i was lying and he said
I dont think you have a clue about how cruel our desires can be
Ive spent my life watching as you take from others selfishly
All the while you say your piece about why you think you deserve it
And you create your excuses for why its was ok to hurt them
Im leaving today and im not coming back
So when you finally gain the courage to look for yourself
Youll find the same emptiness that youve always been running from
Youll see nothing but the man in the mirror who cares for no one but himself

What the **** is going on in your head
Your idea of life is my idea of death
What the **** did I do to you
Why the **** did I ever love you
Do you really think that this is best
You push down and put my will to the test
Everywhere I go all I see is ****
All I wanna do is find someone to hit
leave me alone
You left me home
You said you'd you'd return but you left me to burn
Do you really think you'll find a better man
Nobody else will ever love you the way I can
Self abuse
Life without use
You were the oxygen in my every breath
Now I'm ******* down poison hoping for death
I hope your heart is ******* broke
You made me regret every word I spoke
You told me that I needed help
But all you did was watch as I lost myself
You said you loved me but it must have been a lie
If a single word was true you wouldn't leave me to die
Everything I say
Everything I do
I'm done wasting all my time on you
I'm ready to learn how to embrace hate
I'm ready to stop caring about my fate
I ******* hate you for what you make me feel
You can't love me for what makes me real
I close my eyes
All I see is your face
I close my heart
All I feel is hate

I should really stop digging this hole, right?
I mean, what do I have to gain by going any deeper?
And I've been at it long enough I'd say, because I see nearly three irreplaceable years that so quickly slipped away

I'm in one of those moods again
  where everything makes me think of when
      you and me used to be the best of friends,
and id give anything to make this reminiscing end.

I could pick up my pen,
   write poems for the best days that we spent,
      or all the awful things that you ever said
         til every last and forever lost hen,
ready to be slaughtered, comes home to their shed.

Yet when that sun rises red
   into the single pair of dead,
      empty eyes, lying in my bed,
         I'll remember that I have nothing left,
            except for the silver stained in dread,
and memories of you, swimming in my head.

All I can do to make this end,
   is try my hardest to pretend
      that I could go my whole life and
         live without feeling the regret
of never loving you again.