I don't think any of us are ever truly ourselves unless we are alone. There will always be parts of ourselves we want to hide from the eyes of those we respect.

I hate everything that these words have come to represent
All the things I refuse to do and all that I pretend
I can write all about how badly I want this and that, but once my desires try to leave the page I stab them in the back
For myself, I can never tame the hell that I create
I can only wait and watch as nothing changes and I stay the same
Every day I leave marks upon the skin of my note pads, keeping track of all the cracks in my conscience and all the dreams I wish I had

I've been caught flat footed before but I always got away
When I opened my mouth I always had the right words to say
But now I've been found with my feet shoved down my throat
I have nothing to speak and I have no way to let go
of the skin I've been nibbling on so thoroughly
This flesh may rot inside but it does not sicken me
I have long since learned to suffer the taste of what you see

You told me to listen to myself.
"Follow what feels right."
So I sit here tonight, alone, and ******, brooding over the choice I have chosen.
You said I need to fix myself.
I agree that I'm broken
But if you can't care for me when I'm sharp little pieces, what makes you think you could love me when I'm whole?
You cried that I wouldn't fight for myself.
"Be a man and take what you want!"
So I'll take my love and my life, because I'm selfish, and you're right. I'll end this shame we've sunk into tonight.

What about tomorrow, when I'm feeling better?
When I find myself, sleeping calmly in the morning light?
What about when I've raised to my feet, and stretched my leash again?
When I can take steps outside, without being bothered by greener grasses than mine?
When I do finally get "well" as you say, will you be there, or will the wait be too long? Perhaps I just need to be what I am, and if you don't want me then so be it.
So I ask you to tell me, is this goodbye?

At the moment, I'm out of ink
But give some time to let me think...
Maybe by then.. but let's just see...
In the mean time, let's draw a tree

A tree, I drew, so lush and green
But its vibrant color cannot be seen...
So with one last look and a heavy sigh,
I crumpled the paper then bid it goodbye

With a fresh new paper, i picked up my pen
Closed my eyes then counted to ten...
Maybe by then.. oh let's just see...
Start anew, let those words run free!

Off to start anew, I opened my eyes
But was frozen in place—met a great surprise
Every single thing... all that's around...
The moon had plummeted unto the ground.