Wow. For once I feel hate for someone who doesn't live inside my head. You disgrace to humanity. She tells me that she can't be love because of you. You have scarred her, you have hurt her. All of you have. You tore her apart and when she had nothing left to give, you left her. Because you told her you loved her, then left her alone, she doesn't believe me when I say it. She actually trusted you. Now she thinks I'm lying whenever I tell her I love her, she thinks I'm delusional because I want to spend every last moment I have here with her. She thinks all I want to do is use her and leave her. She hurts herself because, because pain is the only thing that makes her feel comfortable. It's because of you. If I ever find you. I won't hold back. I'm psychotic, I love it when I can hurt someone. And you've given me one hell of a reason to.

How? How are you able to understand everything I'm feeling. I give you no information and yet you are still able to see through me. How the hell are you able to look past my smile? You understand that you are my last chance at getting fixed. You know how dead I am inside, and yet you still try to help. I don't understand you. I don't. But sure as hell want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Wearing the fakest smile just to hide the pain,
I know that you feel it everyday,
I’m sorry it hurts, but life just happens that way,
I know it could **** you, but please just lose the fear,
It’d go real easy if you just shed it like tears,
How can’t you see that you’re still alive,
Even if you feel dead inside,
Don’t worry baby I could heal your wounds,
If you’d just let me really see you,
I could heal you,
And I’ll try to,
I could fix you,
If you want me to,
It may seem scary,
What I’ll have to do,
Baby I could heal you,
But who's going to save me?
Who's going to fix me?
You want to but you just can't,
I'll already be gone.

You are my everything. My heart and soul is yours forever. Such a cliché. How about, my broken black corrupted soul is yours to do whatever you want with. My deranged perverted enigma of a mind is yours to spit on or kiss. You can't break me.

I want to find someone who understands. I want someone who knows what it's like to feel crowded when alone. Who can always feel the conflict within. Someone that has their own worst enemies shoved inside the same box as them. Someone who understands the feeling of ending your life not out of self pity, or an injustice in life, but ending it to save other people from yourself. I want to meet someone who embraces the reality of being insane, instead of denying it. I want someone who knows to put me in my place when I change. I need someone who understands.

While I was collapsed on the schools' bathroom floor,
Crying into my sweater sleeve.
I found out you should never mix not eating all day, and sobbing,
As I leaned towards the toilet gagging.
I dragged my body up off the floor,
Everything was spinning.
People in the hallways asked "Are you okay?"
I said I was,
Even though my shirt was still twisted sideways,
And the bottom of my backpack was still wet from the ground of the parking lot.
Not even death could fix how much this hurts.

I sway from side to side. Floating, hovering above the ground. My heart beat is starting to slow down. My vision fades subtly. My eyes feel like they're going to pop out of my head. The cold leather coiled around my throat, starts to chafe my skin. No feeling of air inside my lungs. Not breathing feels comfortable, it feels right. It feels peaceful. My mind casually slips away from me. Sweet serenity graces me with a final kiss I've been waiting for. Black. Everything is so fuzzy, and so shifty. I can't see straight. I collect the fragments of my mind. Above me hangs the remains of my neuse, frayed and torn. I lay on the floor. Unbelieving at this sight. This attempt has failed. Hopefully the next won't.