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zdebb
72/M/Northern Illinois Retired educator. MA Photography. Musician/songwriter. Most read poets: Anna Akhmatova, Wendell Barry, Pablo Neruda
the burden for the hunter is to carry his gun, his sack and his bible. to sling them like a soldier across his back leaving his arms free to thrash the brush down in front of him, free to raise his gun to aim and to fire. free to strike the readers of books the haters of hearts, the levelers of jesus. free to point his weapons at the roadsigns, deer, deserted cabin, beer bottle targets and to wrap it all up in neat little ****** bundles that comforts the eager hunter like a fire on a windy night. it’s hard to imagine sitting for hours before a flame and not feel like the hunter of men and souls, books and hearts and beasts long tortured. i can’t imagine the thrill of sighting down iron sights, of first blood on new snow like printed pages curling from the flame, turning from snow white to ugly, temporary brown to the black of ash in the hunter’s fire. i can’t imagine those ashes flying in a breeze as anything but cold and spent. it came to be that fire met wind and from the consummation hot ash traveled from tree to tree, fence row to fence row, building to building, hater to lover like pages from the hunters own story. my arms are free, said the hunter. my head is clear. my back is strong. my hands are black from the soot of the fire.
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May 20
May 20, 2026 at 6:15 AM UTC
soot of a fire
once i was wounded in love walking. a stone begging for life. once when i was filthy by the river, and lived in a small room where my children seldom slept well or played long, i remembered your touch as veil. the motion as forgiving. i remembered shallow lifting wind that blew until breathing was as difficult as the scraping of bone. i remembered singing prayers, faithless days of labor. i remembered you. we talked often as we walked dressed in words behind boundaries. i never sought your blood nor change. i watched you at the moment of sleep, give breath away, push away uncertain bed clothes, lie naked, humid, alone. i wanted to be the sun for you. i wanted to save grace with you. i wanted to know the small shine of your lips. but you lied to me. and then i lied to you. you parsed the space between your thoughts as if it spoke things only you could hear. i selected sand and ignored vegetable truth. you needed my hands, i needed you in corners opposite me. you wanted to show me small mounds of dirt swept ready to be panned to waste. you wanted my bond, resting like the arch of a foot asleep as long as blood flowed, we lied about where we’d been, and hid in the squalor of heat and aroma. i needed to tell you of your arms, i needed to tell you how beautiful is the rolling sweat on your body. i needed to show you vast fields of peace hidden pockets of shame. i needed to have you will to me an unknown silence, and forgive each other our walking barefoot through empty streets.
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May 14
May 14, 2026 at 4:41 AM UTC
walking barefoot through empty streets
once i was wounded in love walking. a stone begging for life. once when i was filthy by the river, and lived in a small room where my children seldom slept well or played long, i remembered your touch as veil. the motion as forgiving. i remembered shallow lifting wind that blew until breathing was as difficult as the scraping of bone. i remembered singing prayers, faithless days of labor. i remembered you. we talked often as we walked dressed in words behind boundaries. i never sought your blood nor change. i watched you at the moment of sleep, give breath away, push away uncertain bed clothes, lie naked, humid, alone. i wanted to be the sun for you. i wanted to save grace with you. i wanted to know the small shine of your lips. but you lied to me. and then i lied to you. you parsed the space between your thoughts as if it spoke things only you could hear. i selected sand and ignored vegetable truth. you needed my hands, i needed you in corners opposite me. you wanted to show me small mounds of dirt swept ready to be panned to waste. you wanted my bond, resting like the arch of a foot asleep as long as blood flowed, we lied about where we’d been, and hid in the squalor of heat and aroma. i needed to tell you of your arms, i needed to tell you how beautiful is the rolling sweat on your body. i needed to show you vast fields of peace hidden pockets of shame. i needed to have you will to me an unknown silence, and forgive each other our walking barefoot through empty streets.
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50
play upon golden strings, lift your words up high until they ring like a bell in our ears. talk with me of our youth, days of innocence that cut us loose so we could play like fools. we knelt upon those sandy shores putting my hand in yours so we could pray, pray like fools. i said child we made a mess but you are my mess. and i confess i wouldn't change a ****** thing. so let's raise our voices and sing, sing like fools. a song of a setting sun half a lovely as the day just done we'll search for the words to ring in voices bright, clear and foolish.
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Apr 27
Apr 27, 2026 at 4:26 AM UTC
bright, clear and foolish
the island lies to the side of the main channel fifty feet from the western bank. prairie grasses still live there, never been lost to the plow. the island is where deer come after they have been wounded, running through the brush, broken arrows hanging from their flanks. in the mud are raccoon tracks frozen for a time, until the river rises in the spring and wipes the mud smooth. the **** will stay on the island away from the dogs and bright lights shined at him into the night trees. geese stop by here in the late fall. they rest in the shallow gravely waters, near where walleye will spawn in the spring. they don’t stay long. and when they leave their wings beat the water, the reflected spray causing prisms to form in my lens. others have come to the island. they came to take fish and deer and quail, and scattered across the island are fire scars, mildewed blankets, styrofoam bait cups, spent shotgun shells, beer cans. all the things that people bring to use and when they go, leave them in the tall grasses, unseen until you look deeper.
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Apr 25
Apr 25, 2026 at 1:17 AM UTC
i came to the island to make photographs
far from this land above us everyday solemn and yearning life explodes. where light is thick and nothing can be said because words fail to break the bonds. where worlds are born and bounced about, small sighing children on god’s knee. each world dust in the schoolhouse, awakes in its turn and scratches breath from rock. continents march mountains are amazed moistures collect and spawn and each vapor cloud, each swell and roll, each fiery crack moves it closer, until a cooling wind calls from the depths, life. far from this land above us everyday small legs gather strength and curiosity. pursue and flee. fingers work to chisel stone hope and tools. form unknown prayers to circle studded skies. find voices deep and warm and god like. proclaim destiny, proclaim truth, father science, mystify, study, dance and survive. gifts of fire grace the spring feast. tables spread to celebrate the return of clear water and flowing hearts. conception, death, hunted animals joined for a time to the soil. communion and ***** grow and build walls invent lock, key, write, know and forget. old ones in robes stare through thick glass to their heaven and gently swim in deep streams of knowing. trailing wakes of mystery to ponder, to explain, then forever be lost, the workings of a great machine small and helpless in thick light. far from this land above us everyday solemn and yearning life explodes. from the corner of your eye.
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Apr 23
Apr 23, 2026 at 5:49 AM UTC
far from this land above us every day
the temple is empty, no one remains in prayer. eyes turn in curious search. eyes wander by glancing at its fatal form the ****** ball, the cast of a sleeping gray woman. she is weary, no one uses her proper name. yet every piece of script and paper, every decree, report, and plan describes in detail a perfect union. describes in language small and pretty, what is the mire of the woman’s history, what is found in the movement of her eye. above the walls that surround her, the flesh in her beautiful voice rises, we’ve heard the wailing. we’ve torn at days like plain white bread, swept the frost from her wealthy sidewalks, and slept beneath her fragrant ***
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Apr 21
Apr 21, 2026 at 4:16 AM UTC
the temple is empty
small cool clearings a world round as a bowl, in language unformed you are all i need. warm blue skied tree moments before the storm, loud as the wind and worried, go from me i’ll fend for myself. herds of rutting beasts hot to the blood and touch, in hissing ****** urgency reveal to me the moment. waves upon endless shores newly wedded through prayer under hopeful breath. let us now raise the corners miles of forest a middle aged task. sweating he pants, sign to me the deed. flocks of birds old man’s dying dreams, singing he says, i show you my country. though frayed and worn as they have become, the works of creation and songs of nature shall never be undone. the steward sleeps, thieves gain entrance, grand valleys whither and we travel through a barren and lonely home.
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Apr 18
Apr 18, 2026 at 3:16 AM UTC
waves on endless shores
open as a sore on the face of the lower side of this city the boy runs loose and the girl runs fast to the house of her mama's friend. 'don't gotta' 'and i don't care' wave like banners above their heads, hang like factory soot in the dank day. the boy got chewed pretty good in the back yard of an old italian woman with a big mean dog to keep the kids from botherin' her. some stitches at the emergency room grandma took him….. the girl's oldest sister got pregnant and had a pretty baby that she dressed in red and left at grandma's and went to drink a few beers and maybe see the baby's papa. and the girl three down got busted because her baby died. dead in the emergency room, ten minutes old, high and dead. just like that. and the doctors reported her and she got busted. she got a little brother who goes to the same school she used to. he don't read so good and he don't give a **** and he told that to the teachers. he thinks they don't give a **** and he don't remember a time in his eight years when he hasn't felt beat-up. by big kids and mama's boy friends by teachers and principals, by books and language, by looking at the garbage around him and looking at the good things of television. people have died for so much less. and i look at him and i smell his attitude like ***** on an unclean body. stings my nose, tears my eyes and a talk i heard with a black man about genocide and conspiracy and gene pools and what sounded wrong now makes sad sense and it smells like ***** on an unclean body.
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Apr 16
Apr 16, 2026 at 4:33 AM UTC
raw nerve
open as a sore on the face of the lower side of this city the boy runs loose and the girl runs fast to the house of her mama's friend. 'don't gotta' 'and i don't care' wave like banners above their heads, hang like factory soot in the dank day. the boy got chewed pretty good in the back yard of an old italian woman with a big mean dog to keep the kids from botherin' her. some stitches at the emergency room grandma took him….. the girl's oldest sister got pregnant and had a pretty baby that she dressed in red and left at grandma's and went to drink a few beers and maybe see the baby's papa. and the girl three down got busted because her baby died. dead in the emergency room, ten minutes old, high and dead. just like that. and the doctors reported her and she got busted. she got a little brother who goes to the same school she used to. he don't read so good and he don't give a **** and he told that to the teachers. he thinks they don't give a **** and he don't remember a time in his eight years when he hasn't felt beat-up. by big kids and mama's boy friends by teachers and principals, by books and language, by looking at the garbage around him and looking at the good things of television. people have died for so much less. and i look at him and i smell his attitude like ***** on an unclean body. stings my nose, tears my eyes and a talk i heard with a black man about genocide and conspiracy and gene pools and what sounded wrong now makes sad sense and it smells like ***** on an unclean body.
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we walk in a small area of naked anger. we are hard assed against a wall looking towards passerbys as one more element to deal with. obstacle to overcome. target to hit on. we talk with quick cuts and gravel syllables. we intend to remain here, cats under a stairwell. there are ghost hovering near here. mean faced immigrant spirits. we try to shout them down but in silence they shiver us cold. they live in the cracks of the sidewalk. maybe they are the reason that we look constantly behind us. we protect our backs and display our fronts. ugly as this place is, we will not give it up like prowling helpless dogs, snapping and crazy with biting and itching. we chase the ******* and make this place smell like us. we love and will remember the shredded newspapers and fight over the cans and the cracks and the ******* until rising from the seams of the street come the images of austere immigrants and we stop our baying, the hair on our necks standing on end. we can’t grow old and talk to ourselves alone and crooked. we won’t stand by while age and grey streak our hair and we hit on younger and younger women. holes and blemishes creep over our smooth skin like rust on our wheels. we will never leave this street and settle on other frozen alleys. and combing our hair in the chrome of a parked car we look and see and each of us becomes alone. i have slept old man as you have slept. and i dreamed of your hot breath on my neck as we locked ourselves in sweaty struggle. and we fought because we wanted the same sleep and same dreams. and the wet streets played the tunes of cold until it shook me hard out of sleep hard ’til i couldn’t control my body and i awoke at your feet in this parking lot, looking up at you old man. asking only to sleep again.
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Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 5:15 AM UTC
we live in small areas
we walk in a small area of naked anger. we are hard assed against a wall looking towards passerbys as one more element to deal with. obstacle to overcome. target to hit on. we talk with quick cuts and gravel syllables. we intend to remain here, cats under a stairwell. there are ghost hovering near here. mean faced immigrant spirits. we try to shout them down but in silence they shiver us cold. they live in the cracks of the sidewalk. maybe they are the reason that we look constantly behind us. we protect our backs and display our fronts. ugly as this place is, we will not give it up like prowling helpless dogs, snapping and crazy with biting and itching. we chase the ******* and make this place smell like us. we love and will remember the shredded newspapers and fight over the cans and the cracks and the ******* until rising from the seams of the street come the images of austere immigrants and we stop our baying, the hair on our necks standing on end. we can’t grow old and talk to ourselves alone and crooked. we won’t stand by while age and grey streak our hair and we hit on younger and younger women. holes and blemishes creep over our smooth skin like rust on our wheels. we will never leave this street and settle on other frozen alleys. and combing our hair in the chrome of a parked car we look and see and each of us becomes alone. i have slept old man as you have slept. and i dreamed of your hot breath on my neck as we locked ourselves in sweaty struggle. and we fought because we wanted the same sleep and same dreams. and the wet streets played the tunes of cold until it shook me hard out of sleep hard ’til i couldn’t control my body and i awoke at your feet in this parking lot, looking up at you old man. asking only to sleep again.
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50
power line tower crab like stands above grain filled ruler flat land. small room, old paint silo shaped shadows falling across us as we sleep, the storm came. there was steady rhythm in the wind tall stalks laid back, beaten by fists hard as hail. it was every night tractor deep rumble to glean what we might from this damaged field. steady hand steers the machine straightens the furrow and pulls from the ground wet slimy roots that entangle the blades of the plow. dried and encrusted as we slept to be washed away in a gentle morning rain. wipe my face, turn the key, the engines trembles alive. i remove the tarp and place my hands where they will do the most good. the earth slightly shakes and then yields. the blade enters. rolls of rich loam curl back and another row is created. old structure, barn of history pulled to ground by men with ropes and tractors. i stood and photographed the old forced to earth. quonset new, oily metal smelling factory fresh, the machines parked within washed, an invitation to ride and work. fertilize, nurture, hope and curse. that might, from the field, spring flesh new as that sterile shed. harvest then, cut and moan, leaves the field stubbled. leaves the field scratched like you belly from my day growth chin. we begin to count and measure and divide, which is yours, which is mine which for market, profit, pain. a pauper, i stare across the field to each severed stalk to find bits shaken loose and free lost to the machine to glean what i might from this damaged field.
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Apr 11
Apr 11, 2026 at 2:49 AM UTC
from this damaged field
power line tower crab like stands above grain filled ruler flat land. small room, old paint silo shaped shadows falling across us as we sleep, the storm came. there was steady rhythm in the wind tall stalks laid back, beaten by fists hard as hail. it was every night tractor deep rumble to glean what we might from this damaged field. steady hand steers the machine straightens the furrow and pulls from the ground wet slimy roots that entangle the blades of the plow. dried and encrusted as we slept to be washed away in a gentle morning rain. wipe my face, turn the key, the engines trembles alive. i remove the tarp and place my hands where they will do the most good. the earth slightly shakes and then yields. the blade enters. rolls of rich loam curl back and another row is created. old structure, barn of history pulled to ground by men with ropes and tractors. i stood and photographed the old forced to earth. quonset new, oily metal smelling factory fresh, the machines parked within washed, an invitation to ride and work. fertilize, nurture, hope and curse. that might, from the field, spring flesh new as that sterile shed. harvest then, cut and moan, leaves the field stubbled. leaves the field scratched like you belly from my day growth chin. we begin to count and measure and divide, which is yours, which is mine which for market, profit, pain. a pauper, i stare across the field to each severed stalk to find bits shaken loose and free lost to the machine to glean what i might from this damaged field.
Continue reading...
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