youroneandonly - Hello Poetry

There was a night Sitting in my room Engulfed with pain That old bedroom With memories plastered on the walls You sat next to me Seeing the pain she had just put me through You said to me “It wasn’t your fault” And i cried Tears i’ve never cried before Sadness Anger Relief someone saw it too You held me Ever so tight Said you wouldnt let go “It wasn’t your fault It wasn’t your fault It wasn’t your fault” Made me scream it aloud Until I knew it was true You kept holding me while i cried Thinking I’d always have you You said it was all my fault It’s not my fault you raised me this way Your life The ****** ways you grew My life Having to start anew You blame me for the things I’ve learned from you “Do what I say not as I do” A ****** thing from the both of you Tiptoeing around a line that was askew Her teaching me things that will never be true Lies from the mouths of people I knew Reject Neglect Needs that would never be met A million thoughts in my head But only two that say what I wished I had said **** You

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Feb 7, 2024

Feb 7, 2024 at 2:30 AM UTC

Was It My Fault?

There was a night Sitting in my room Engulfed with pain That old bedroom With memories plastered on the walls You sat next to me Seeing the pain she had just put me through You said to me “It wasn’t your fault” And i cried Tears i’ve never cried before Sadness Anger Relief someone saw it too You held me Ever so tight Said you wouldnt let go “It wasn’t your fault It wasn’t your fault It wasn’t your fault” Made me scream it aloud Until I knew it was true You kept holding me while i cried Thinking I’d always have you You said it was all my fault It’s not my fault you raised me this way Your life The ****** ways you grew My life Having to start anew You blame me for the things I’ve learned from you “Do what I say not as I do” A ****** thing from the both of you Tiptoeing around a line that was askew Her teaching me things that will never be true Lies from the mouths of people I knew Reject Neglect Needs that would never be met A million thoughts in my head But only two that say what I wished I had said **** You

42

There was a time I wanted to rip you to shreds. There was a time I would’ve begged you to stay. There was a time I would’ve done anything for you. You said when you were younger, you were a bad person. You said you worked on it. But I don’t think anything has changed. I used to think you were so strong. But all I can see is how weak you are. How you let one person get in the way of your family. You kicked a narcissist out to protect me only to let another one in. Only to let the same **** thing happen. There was a time when there’s nothing else to say. You didn’t believe me then You won’t believe me now. There’s nothing else to fight for. There was a time I felt empty. That night after the text. Filling my body with the same liquid that ruined my family. Nothing seemed to help. That void still existed. I still was alone. There was a time I wanted you dead. And it lasted for months. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that you left me. Seeing a picture of you just ignited a fire within There was a time I wanted to be dead. What’s the point when you have no one? What’s the point when all you’ve worked for was gone? What’s the point if they didn’t want me. There was a time I felt pity. That you let it happen. You say it was my fault but it was your doing. You wanted this. Your own blood gone. There was a time when I let go. When I stopped checking for phone calls or texts. When I stopped hoping you would show up. When I stopped thinking about what you had for dinner. What shows you binged. There is a time I felt peace. I’m happy where I am.

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Jun 10, 2023

Jun 10, 2023 at 4:07 AM UTC

Grief

There was a time I wanted to rip you to shreds. There was a time I would’ve begged you to stay. There was a time I would’ve done anything for you. You said when you were younger, you were a bad person. You said you worked on it. But I don’t think anything has changed. I used to think you were so strong. But all I can see is how weak you are. How you let one person get in the way of your family. You kicked a narcissist out to protect me only to let another one in. Only to let the same **** thing happen. There was a time when there’s nothing else to say. You didn’t believe me then You won’t believe me now. There’s nothing else to fight for. There was a time I felt empty. That night after the text. Filling my body with the same liquid that ruined my family. Nothing seemed to help. That void still existed. I still was alone. There was a time I wanted you dead. And it lasted for months. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that you left me. Seeing a picture of you just ignited a fire within There was a time I wanted to be dead. What’s the point when you have no one? What’s the point when all you’ve worked for was gone? What’s the point if they didn’t want me. There was a time I felt pity. That you let it happen. You say it was my fault but it was your doing. You wanted this. Your own blood gone. There was a time when I let go. When I stopped checking for phone calls or texts. When I stopped hoping you would show up. When I stopped thinking about what you had for dinner. What shows you binged. There is a time I felt peace. I’m happy where I am.

41

that fear my worst fear has happened i’m all alone no family no friends just alone i’m 19 now 1,500 miles away i live alone i sleep alone family. “family will love you no matter what” “family will never leave” “you’ll always have us” “we know what’s best” family is the reason i’m alone family is the reason i’m this way i still flinch at the sound of a door slamming i still cry when someone raises their voice i still hide in my room even though i live alone i still creep around the house at night when i need something i can’t seem to eat without feeling guilty my ears still perk up at the slightest sounds you have left me with these scars you’ve left me in pain while you live your own **** life the girl you raised is struggling holding on to everything she has left gripping to everything she loves in the fear they’ll leave me too how can life go on? how can i still feel? block it. block it. block it. hide away. numb be numb please be numb 852 days longest 852 days no pain no silver laced with red scars that tell a story scars that fade by the day need. need. need.

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Jan 14, 2023

Jan 14, 2023 at 9:47 AM UTC

thoughts in a chick-fil-a store

that fear my worst fear has happened i’m all alone no family no friends just alone i’m 19 now 1,500 miles away i live alone i sleep alone family. “family will love you no matter what” “family will never leave” “you’ll always have us” “we know what’s best” family is the reason i’m alone family is the reason i’m this way i still flinch at the sound of a door slamming i still cry when someone raises their voice i still hide in my room even though i live alone i still creep around the house at night when i need something i can’t seem to eat without feeling guilty my ears still perk up at the slightest sounds you have left me with these scars you’ve left me in pain while you live your own **** life the girl you raised is struggling holding on to everything she has left gripping to everything she loves in the fear they’ll leave me too how can life go on? how can i still feel? block it. block it. block it. hide away. numb be numb please be numb 852 days longest 852 days no pain no silver laced with red scars that tell a story scars that fade by the day need. need. need.

48

My worst fear is to be alone. No friends. No family. Just me. I don't want to wake up someday and realize I have no one. That I pushed people away Or made them hate me for some reason. Is it bad that it scares me to the point that I can't be myself, No matter what? Is that bad? Its ******* terrifying to me. Its hard being alone. Its dreadful. I mean I try to talk to someone all the time. I don't know if I do it to distract myself from my thoughts. Or just the fact that I like people. Am I the only one like this? Probably not. But still. It terrifies me. Just the thought of being completely alone make me upset. Like I want to start bawling. I already feel alone. But I have people around me. People I can text. Friends I can call. Family I can talk to. But I have never been completely alone. It can happen. I'm young. Anything. I have years to make sure this doesn't happen to me. Well, who knows if I have years. I could die tomorrow. Or even tonight. But the thought of being completely alone keeps me up at night. It makes me strive to make new friends. To meet new people. To constantly be on call with someone. To even occupy my brain with something else. Like playing video games. Watching YouTube or Netflix. Am I the only one that is terrified of this?

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Jun 23, 2020

Jun 23, 2020 at 8:29 PM UTC

My Biggest Fear

My worst fear is to be alone. No friends. No family. Just me. I don't want to wake up someday and realize I have no one. That I pushed people away Or made them hate me for some reason. Is it bad that it scares me to the point that I can't be myself, No matter what? Is that bad? Its ******* terrifying to me. Its hard being alone. Its dreadful. I mean I try to talk to someone all the time. I don't know if I do it to distract myself from my thoughts. Or just the fact that I like people. Am I the only one like this? Probably not. But still. It terrifies me. Just the thought of being completely alone make me upset. Like I want to start bawling. I already feel alone. But I have people around me. People I can text. Friends I can call. Family I can talk to. But I have never been completely alone. It can happen. I'm young. Anything. I have years to make sure this doesn't happen to me. Well, who knows if I have years. I could die tomorrow. Or even tonight. But the thought of being completely alone keeps me up at night. It makes me strive to make new friends. To meet new people. To constantly be on call with someone. To even occupy my brain with something else. Like playing video games. Watching YouTube or Netflix. Am I the only one that is terrified of this?

43

Look At You You've made it this far. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of the person you're becoming. You can do this. You can make it through whatever you're going through. I love you <3

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Jun 22, 2020

Jun 22, 2020 at 9:09 PM UTC

Proud

Look At You You've made it this far. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of the person you're becoming. You can do this. You can make it through whatever you're going through. I love you <3

9

Thank you for being my reason to smile. Thank you for not leaving, like others. Thank you. You are completely amazing. I love you.

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Jun 21, 2020

Jun 21, 2020 at 7:24 AM UTC

Thank You

Thank you for being my reason to smile. Thank you for not leaving, like others. Thank you. You are completely amazing. I love you.

5

He said "I'm used to it". And at the exact moment, I realized that we were going through the same thing. And no matter how many times, I doubt I'll make it out We'll get through it Not alone But T o g e t h e r

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Jun 14, 2020

Jun 14, 2020 at 5:59 AM UTC

Together

He said "I'm used to it". And at the exact moment, I realized that we were going through the same thing. And no matter how many times, I doubt I'll make it out We'll get through it Not alone But T o g e t h e r

10

The tattoos you left on me Some can kind of see But most of them are invisible. The Tattoos you see Are all my fault But you're the one who put it in my brain. The tattoos you don't see Linger in the dark. But come inside my head and you'll see them all over again. The tattoos to you are just scars But to me they are everything Because you caused me to have them in the first place. The tattoos, you see, Are the only thing that stays. Everything else dies. The tattoos are my children, And I'm their mother. But you don't get that do you

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Jan 23, 2019

Jan 23, 2019 at 2:07 PM UTC

The Tattoos

The tattoos you left on me Some can kind of see But most of them are invisible. The Tattoos you see Are all my fault But you're the one who put it in my brain. The tattoos you don't see Linger in the dark. But come inside my head and you'll see them all over again. The tattoos to you are just scars But to me they are everything Because you caused me to have them in the first place. The tattoos, you see, Are the only thing that stays. Everything else dies. The tattoos are my children, And I'm their mother. But you don't get that do you

18

I’m waiting for the night to save us. But, You’re waiting for the night to break us.

0

Jan 21, 2019

Jan 21, 2019 at 4:20 PM UTC

Heartbreak

I’m waiting for the night to save us. But, You’re waiting for the night to break us.

3

Broken, Nothing but broken. Im broken. I tried to be okay. I really tried. But I ran. Ran from everything. All the thoughts. All the heartache. And built my walls. And forgot about what mattered the most to me. And now, I’m blocking people out. I’m so tired. I just want to be okay. Everything is falling apart. I’m falling apart. And no one notices. I want people to notice. But I Am Nothing. Just Like Always. It’s all gone.

0

Jan 21, 2019

Jan 21, 2019 at 4:07 PM UTC

Broken

Broken, Nothing but broken. Im broken. I tried to be okay. I really tried. But I ran. Ran from everything. All the thoughts. All the heartache. And built my walls. And forgot about what mattered the most to me. And now, I’m blocking people out. I’m so tired. I just want to be okay. Everything is falling apart. I’m falling apart. And no one notices. I want people to notice. But I Am Nothing. Just Like Always. It’s all gone.

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