but you couldn’t have forgotten,
because you never forget anything
your mind, racing like it’s trying to win
echoes years of words
that are engraved into your mind
(engraved like the ring that was meant to signify forever --
you never knew forever only lasted a month)
and even when you try to forget
you simply can’t
there is strength in memories
and you,
you will always be weak
Nov 18, 2019
Nov 18, 2019 at 12:18 AM UTC
like the cool summer wind you came as the sun fell beneath the horizon
and the moon poked its shiny bald head out, in a vague attempt
to make everything right you held my hand from dusk until dawn
we named constellations and spoke of imaginary lives
that you promised would come true should i have the patience to wait
but as the sun began to rise, you packed my bags,
you rushed me to the station,
you bought my train ticket
with the words good riddance
underneath your breath
like a smack in the face
with desperation
i begged
you
to let me stay
you left before the train did and as it pulled out of its tracks
with the sound of speed, the sight of powerlines and blurry trees
and i am (another broken promise, another mistake,
another you, another me, another ex, another us,
another one that bit the dust) gone
Dec 28, 2016
Dec 28, 2016 at 2:21 AM UTC
i
believed
you
when
you
said
i
was
worth
it
i
believed
you
when
you
said
i
was
crazy
i
believed
you
when
you
said
i
was
a
dream
i
believed
you
when
you
said
you
hated
me
i
believed
every
last
lie
Nov 27, 2016
Nov 27, 2016 at 5:04 AM UTC
you close your eyes but what flashes before you is not a stream of dreams. you are not presented with unlikely circumstances, instead, you watch your worst nightmares unfold. you feel every touch just as you had felt it that dark and cold winter night you feel every emotion as if it had happened hours ago, not weeks, and you want to sleep but every time you do you cant help but remember how much it hurt and how disgusted you felt with yourself and with the world for allowing something so unbelievably degrading to happen to you this should have been prevented and all anyone can say is I should have been there to protect you but you were not even there to protect yourself. alcohol let your guard down and every idea sounded like a good one; if someone had told you to blow out your brains that night you probably would have and sometimes you think that's a better outcome because afterwards you do not have to reflect and wonder was it my fault? when you know you would say no if it were someone else in your position but it's not, it's you, and you are you but you are someone else and you have joined a community you never wanted to have to join and all you want to do is sleep
Nov 22, 2016
Nov 22, 2016 at 6:43 AM UTC
oh boy, where do i start?
the subtext to every movement in the game of life:
"you were in my dream last night" and "deja vu"
as hard as i try to forget you appear in my dreams and
i wonder if i dreamt you up to begin with
and then i wonder if someone dreamt me up to begin with
and someone dreamt them up to begin with
no one mention that ********* leonardo dicaprio movie
what about when a dream turns into a nightmare?
dreams so realistic, you wake up feeling as if you haven't slept at all
dreams that you've dreamt before
i dream while i'm awake
supposedly when you dream of someone, they miss you
do you miss me like my dreams swear you do?
am i dreaming right now?
Nov 16, 2016
Nov 16, 2016 at 1:01 AM UTC
i can hear the movement of my eyes as they flicker across suburban houses at the crack of dawn and spot faces that aren't there, the clouds caress the tops of trees and rooftops as they move slowly through the sky and i wonder how much time has passed since the last time i was here, moving through the grass and feeling morning frost on my feet instead of just going through the motions and feeling nothing at all
Oct 15, 2016
Oct 15, 2016 at 7:36 AM UTC
MAY BIRDS TAKE OUT YOUR EYES
MAY YOU BE DOUSED WITH GASOLINE IN THE MIDST OF A FOREST FIRE
MAY YOUR FATHER'S HEART STOP BEATING BEFORE HE CAN TELL YOU HE LOVES YOU ONE LAST TIME
MAY YOUR EARS RING AND YOUR EYES GO BLIND
MAY YOU LOSE EVERYTHING THAT ONCE MATTERED
Oct 7, 2016
Oct 7, 2016 at 9:21 PM UTC
EVERYTHING I SAY
REPEATS WHERE ARE
THE WORDS
TO TELL YOU
I'M SORRY
Oct 7, 2016
Oct 7, 2016 at 6:23 AM UTC
so I had this thought.
[You know me.]
isn't it weird when the lines start to blur?
[I was like you, too.]
do days turn into nights,
[Afraid of everything,]
or does dusk turn into dawn?
[Loud mind,]
are you really real?
[Quiet voice,]
or have I dreamt you up again?
[Baggy eyes,]
so i've been thinking.
[You never sleep.]
don't you think it's strange we're all dying?
[But you dream.]
is our time limited,
[Nightmares where;]
or is our limitation time?
[You scream,]
am I going to die soon?
[I scream,]
no, really, is my time almost up?
[We all scream,]
so I don't want to think.
[But there's only silence.]
but what if you could change it all?
[Your nightmares,]
what if you could go back in time,
[Your biggest fears,]
and fix all of your mistakes?
[Your reality.]
would you really do it?
[You can't stop me.]
or would you leave everything as is?
[You've become me.]
Jul 31, 2016
Jul 31, 2016 at 8:29 AM UTC
"you know, the past
should be kept in the past."
there's a thunderstorm in the window behind me and I've been checking in on some people I used to know; would you call them friends or lovers, I don't know. my fingers can't type as fast as my mind works; or doesn't; do you know what it's like to get shot in the head? there aren't any tears; you're not a debby downer, you're the life of the party; you're smiling and cracking jokes but inside you wish you were dead; you shoot deer but you think about turning that gun around and shooting yourself; gunshots can't be as loud as your mind; to disrupt the neighbourhood would be the least of your selfish concerns; would anyone remember you if you died?; has anyone noticed you left or have they all just moved on without you?; old habits die hard and you just want to feel something, I just want to feel something; who are we?; no one but strangers who once kissed so hard their lips bled; oh how raw and passionate; i can't seem to be able to distinguish the difference between pain, pleasure and passion; but in my dreams I feel more alive than when I'm awake; when can I crawl into bed next?; I don't want to sleep, you are too far but you are too close; perhaps this was all an impulsive mistake, don't you worry about the inbetweens and the afters; worry about now and yesterday; I am forever haunted by my past; your karma follows you and so do I; don't you dare point that gun in my direction again; I'd rather be set on fire; douse me in gasoline in our bed; turn everything you loved into ashes; I will survive because you never really loved me; everyone is moving on and like the sun I am staying still; revolve around me but don't get too close; you can't even look at me without going blind; the sun is not as beautiful as we romanticize her to be; thunder so loud it shakes your room; you shake me to the core; the lightning will strike again; do you know what it feels like to be shot in the head?
Jul 30, 2016
Jul 30, 2016 at 6:48 AM UTC