I’ve lost two people this year. To clarify—No, they did not pass away; but rather, the essence of one’s love, and the other, friendship, has slipped through my fingers like the hot sand I used to play with by the ocean shore.
It’s been months of wondering what I should have done so things did not happen the way that it did:
Should I have just accepted the way things were between us instead of seeking for clarity in our relationship?
Should I have just left myself guessing why I was treated differently instead of asking for reassurance in our friendship?
But what's done is done. I did what I thought was right for communication's sake, but unfortunately, timing was not quite nice towards me and neither was the other’s own insecurities.
I exposed myself. I shared my vulnerabilities, trusting them to listen, to love, and to understand me enough to stay; but, I had lost them anyway.
Nov 19, 2024
Nov 19, 2024 at 1:29 AM UTC
what if
things were different and
time and circumstances allowed us to do be together?
maybe
I wouldn’t have been confused about how I felt
maybe
I wouldn’t have kept my guard up too high
maybe
I wouldn’t have been scared of getting into a relationship
...or maybe
I wouldn’t be hurting right now seeing you with her and wonder
w h a t i f
that was me instead?
.
Dec 25, 2019
Dec 25, 2019 at 3:11 AM UTC
...
if you would be willing
to lend me some of your time..
i can prove to you
that i'm worth more than
just a spare second to say hello
i can show you
that i don't deserve the role
as an understudy for those who
can't be there for you
i will make it known to you
that i am not someone you can dispose of
after you've gotten what you needed from me
...but ***
how will you know all these things if you won't
lend me
some
of your time
...
Nov 16, 2019
Nov 16, 2019 at 2:09 PM UTC
there’s this urge
that comes and goes at random times
there’s this urge
to isolate
and distance myself
from everyone in this world
just for the sake of being alone
or maybe
see if there’s someone who’ll notice
that i’m hiding inside myself
see if they care enough to break down
the barriers and allow me to be
part of what the world has in store
Jul 21, 2019
Jul 21, 2019 at 3:45 PM UTC
i locked myself inside
so i can feel a sense of freedom
ironic isn’t it?
my room,
my space,
my thoughts,
my own little world
just a small room away from the stigma of this household that lies beyond that bedroom door
just a little something that isn’t yours to take along with the others you’ve already taken away
Jul 7, 2019
Jul 7, 2019 at 9:35 PM UTC
mom, when will the day come that you will learn to accept that there is a man that can love me too?
Jul 7, 2019
Jul 7, 2019 at 9:37 AM UTC
maybe
if i were a gymnast,
i could rub my hands with chalk
so that
everything that i once knew
and
all the memories that i held on to
...
won’t slip away from my hands
Jun 30, 2019
Jun 30, 2019 at 5:49 PM UTC
my heart feels empty
because he moved on
from the feelings he had for me;
and these are feelings i keep to myself
hoping one day, i won’t have to imagine what we could’ve been.
hoping one day i won’t have to pretend about my happiness for him.
hoping one day, i stop longing for someone that doesn’t belong to me.
Jun 3, 2019
Jun 3, 2019 at 1:23 AM UTC
i can’t stand
all the do’s and dont’s
of your unfair judgments
because sometimes
i need to learn
from my mistakes too
Apr 21, 2019
Apr 21, 2019 at 10:58 PM UTC
I tried to hide how much it hurts.
The Disappointments.
The Insecurities.
The Failures.
But the pain crept up my throat.
I tried to hide how much it hurts,
tried to hide it from the world;
but the instant I turned the **** to my own chamber,
I couldn’t hold back the pain any longer.
Apr 17, 2019
Apr 17, 2019 at 3:07 PM UTC