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xienab
xienab
Lebanese 18. Wandering, but not quite lost. Lover of the sun, affairs with the moon. / instagram for more; @eternalsunshineofzienab
One day, you’re 18 and the boy you fell for in high school breaks your heart. One day, you’re 25 and the boy who broke your heart has been long gone and his name is just another name among the bunch of “lovers that went wrong”. Among the “Should’ve beens” and “Would’ve beens”. So there it is. Be 18. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Give your number to a stranger on the train who sparked a conversation with you about the weather or whether your Thursday night was vacant. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Love defiantly. Forgot what heartbreaks feels like, just remember how you wrote good poetry with mascara infused tears leaving track-marks along your cheekbones. Let boys look at you, you are a girl of beauty after all. Wear a new shade of lipstick that begs the attention. Run in the morning, understand you are free. Wear your heart on your sleeve. And by all means, be 18. One day, you’ll be 25 and miss the petty heartbreaks of being 18.
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Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 1:51 AM UTC
18
It was time to leave. The darkness you left me in is crawling into my veins and arteries. Making home in the hollowness of what used to be a heart. The vulgarness in your language that night has made friends with my white blood cells, so recalling you makes me sick. The silence doesn't dawn on me until I look down at my hands. You claimed ownership to them. You used to hold them with love beaming from your palms. I shrudder at the sight of happy lovers. We are no longer lovers. And happiness is a thing of the past.
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Aug 9, 2014
Aug 9, 2014 at 4:23 AM UTC
When it's time to leave.
I don't mean to sound cliche, but dear ******* diary; I went to the gym today. 6 months ago, I just wanted to get toned. Today I realized I just want to shed every single bit of me. Itty, bitty as possible. Maybe just then, I'll be a ghost. I also realized how terribly alone I am. Because it's 2:53am and I wanted to call him, But he doesn't care anymore. I'll literally talk to anyone who will listen. I texted 7 digits but numberly anonymous worried about someone else. "Don't worry about me". I really hope they don't worry about me. I'll be okay. Eventually.
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Aug 9, 2014
Aug 9, 2014 at 4:16 AM UTC
How to be alone
It's 1:21am. And I would've still been on the phone with you, had it not gone all wrong. Now I just lie in a mattress of emptiness & an ambiance of lightlessness. Listening to lyric-less piano chords remixed with the memories of you and me. And how we used to be. I hope that someday, Just as every overplayed song on the radio, This melody will fade out. Never to be heard again.
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Aug 9, 2014
Aug 9, 2014 at 4:11 AM UTC
How we used to be.
She loved him not for the way he looked He was more than that. He was more than piercing blue eyes and an inviting smile. She loved him for what she discovered beyond the physicalities. A disarming amount of charms & sweetness that could make a girl want to fold herself as small as possible so she could be implante to just sit in his heart. She loved him. And he loved her too. But just an image of her, Not the girl attached.
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Aug 9, 2014
Aug 9, 2014 at 4:05 AM UTC
Image of what matters.
I broke a few ribs when I fell to ground, when I was falling in love with you. One of them punctured my heart and I've been bleeding you ever since. I'm almost drained and the doctors are calling for a blood transfusion but all I really need is you, and your AB-type-blood-love. The doctors are calling for a heart transplant, but how is that possible if you already took my heart when I made you home? The poet's taught me that home is where the heart is. My heart has always been with you and I had become accustomed to calling you home. Now I am not only homeless, I am heartless.
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Aug 9, 2014
Aug 9, 2014 at 3:56 AM UTC
Heartless
That's the plague of a dull heart in a colorful world. You never understand the hues radiating from a person's soul. You never fully comprehend the array of fireworks behind one's smile. Except for the writer herself. She has a way with words. She choreographs them in her mind and then she watches them in awe, as they dance on her paper. She has a heart of rainbow calla lilies. Always see's the best in people, Disregards the worst. This is the resiliency, Of the writer' curse. -Z.H.
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Jul 27, 2014
Jul 27, 2014 at 1:56 AM UTC
Writer's Curse
My palms are calloused enough to the compatibility of leather. I was gifted them while holding on to what was only trying to rid me. This is the art of holding on. This is the art of letting go. And I'm sorry for the residue of my palm prints. As for my scars, They behold a lesson to who may question them. A lesson I should've already know. Skin isn't as durable as we wished it could be.
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Jul 22, 2014
Jul 22, 2014 at 1:38 AM UTC
How My Skin Became Leather
He was midas And she was just tin. He ran his finger tips along her sharp edges. He embraced her rugged structure. He filled her hollowness with glitter, turned her into gold. She only became petty gold. Like a cheap wedding band. A symbol of love, but never to be loved. -Z.H.
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Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 3:04 AM UTC
5/365
Ya Allah. Ya Allah. May you grant all the oppressed triumph. May you bestow upon them the strength to change the world Palestinian children are the bravest children the world has ever seen. Palestinian mothers are the strongest women to ever walk this earth. Palestinian fathers are the most hard working men to start on their hands and knees. 3 Israeli teens were murdered and it suddenly makes headline news. 16 Palestinians, ages 8-21 were murdered within 2 weeks and their names were never eulogized. When will Palestine be recognized as a ongoing genocide? And if a tree falls in the forest and no ones around to hear it does it make a sound? Yes. and a blind eye is turned. and earplugs are handed out on street corners. #LongLivePalestine -Z.H.
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Jul 3, 2014
Jul 3, 2014 at 2:11 AM UTC
4/365 #LongLivePalestine