Blasted armor cracked open with holes
Watch as I crawl on my knees til I find
The right place to stand. Pay no mind
To the pain wracking burned flesh to
The pain of memories empty now
In regret after so many years spent
Trying to escape, desperately forget
All of the wounds that made me the
Fire I am.
These days my fire still burns down low
I can't forget if I wanted and I did and
And it drove me underneath. Unearth
Me now in this old aching body to
Undermine my quest for rest.
I sure it's just death now bringing
Death and I'm a part of it.
Cog. In the dirt. Wet earth.
I rise. With all of my brethren.
Reclaim. Reclaimers hunt and
Claim during night. Safety in
Day. That's a queer sunset isn't it?
I came here ****** left the same way,
Returned with cracks in the head
And a heart of mud full of maggots
As an ***** We all did. We do.
We all did.
Oct 19, 2015
Oct 19, 2015 at 12:05 AM UTC
Haven asked to provide my voice
To stick out my neck for the
Cause of continued well-being
Of the whole cast
But I can't begin to begin
The charade. I accept the
Knife for only one reason: the pay.
Yes I do this. To line my pockets.
I don't care if your work life
Burns you alive. I return home
To provide and you're dense if
Another way makes more sense.
Shut up, cause it doesn't. I'm
Right and you're wrong. I want
Nothing to do with this song.
Let me retire in peace.
Shut the **** up.
Shut it off.
We mix the two and it hurts.
Oct 18, 2015
Oct 18, 2015 at 10:07 PM UTC
I've got a **** right there between my legs
It hangs and grows like another ***** might
It's a shame the reality goes over your head
I **** sometimes like a **** truck punching
On all cylinders, I **** sometimes lying
With legs open wanting and exposed
I've got a **** right there between my legs
It hangs and grows like any **** does
It's a shame reality goes right over your head
I altered my consciousness.
I altered my brain.
I altered my hormones.
My testosterone's gone.
My estrogen's over ******* full.
Call me what you want but
My experience is beyond.
Beyond.
Oct 18, 2015
Oct 18, 2015 at 8:27 PM UTC
"My home life isn't the best," I said.
"It doesn't have to be," she said.
BADLANDS BLEAT
Okay, I said it again. Getting out of bed was the worst part of the day. To begin, the marijuana haze from the night before never went away and left me sore. Sure it was likely enough to ease some of the pain, but in the morning my body stood and got to working slowly like it wasn't eager at all. Only the thought of fast food coffee got me pumped up, not even half-mast at that. If the **** I called erotica to save face couldn't bribe a competent rise out of me, the daily grind certainly couldn't get it done. Impetus again, every time in two week increments. Sure, I had money in the pockets of my sweat pants for the coffee and treats that I charged on a credit card years ago when I had the means -- but I was living with family. A prison sentence delivered by a cruel twist of fate that I caused myself in the first place. Nothing to blame but the errors in my own transactions. Much better than before, still not in charge of anything more than my mistakes. I didn't talk much. Who needed to know? I fulfilled the bare basic requirements of my peers so I could stay stealth. I had pills to eat. I ate them at home. I had meals to eat, and I ate them alone. Company was always safer to keep in a cigarette. Lucky me, when I ran into other smokers you would think they spoke for a need to keep their lips wet. There was a freedom in the chance to sit around a circle taking in information without the pressure to reciprocate. Four years running, I'd made choices in the Fall that brought all my work down. The scribbles and notes attached to cork board, reliably lost in a pile of clothes, paper and thumb tacks. Living with no other luggage made the journey more bearable during the dark days. It helped practice ignorance of others when I barely kept myself well.
Oct 13, 2015
Oct 13, 2015 at 5:26 AM UTC
At this point I feel like the universe is mocking me.
It might not be that I don't see god, but that I can't.
The past comes fast to bite my heels every time I
think that I'm making progress. I'm wiser now than
I was before, it's clear, I affirm as I take today's pills
so I can step out the door. Suicide was a big deal
but I never did it. Over time I realized how good
it is to choose friends. How safe it is to manipulate --
over self-destruction, what an improvement. A
sad sea of years is only bad with a lack of grasp
on the force that pushes you with an eager
wind. How safe is it to say, simply that I've changed
for the better and made improvement?
We broke the truce way back when,
you thought I was God and I couldn't prove it.
History repeats with a new veneer. A new sheen
to improve the wrapping of the package.
The package's contents remain the same.
History repeats with a new veneer. A new sheen
to improve the wrapping of the package.
The package's contents remain the same.
History repeats with a new veneer. A new sheen
to improve the wrapping of the package.
The package's contents remain the same.
Oct 13, 2015
Oct 13, 2015 at 2:24 AM UTC
I say I'm
not looking
for love but
I'm looking
I'm catching
cold glances
from eyes filled
with the weight of
sorrow been cast in gold
My purposeful fingers
reach up for money from
the gutters, this,
is just what I'm told.
Enter my ears,
enter my eyes,
enter my skin,
into my lungs.
I'm not breathing
oxygen if I exhale
byproduct. I'm out
of luck, won't press it.
I'm out of reason in
speech. Beyond
preventable death.
Regret, turned to
malice. Chest
compression. I
could have been
a good person.
What value in gold,
if I have you?
Oct 13, 2015
Oct 13, 2015 at 1:07 AM UTC
Man becomes woman woman becomes man
headline dictation that makes you understand
but what's this? The scene goes beyond extremes,
the black/white photograph is of color underneath.
But **** me, I'm being erratic. I'm standing on tables
shouting so your disdain's automatic. What's up with
this new fad? Uhmurika never had it this bad. We have
a literal metric ton of whining millennials wanting to be
special snowflakes. Man, who could take all of this social
pressure? Being held accountable for a miserable, literal lack
of knowledge about the world around us? Man, definitely not
for me. But seriously, bro, did you get your **** cut off? What's
up bro, **** you get your **** sewn on? That ******* ***** lacks
a ****** That motha ***** lacks the design that gives him a similar
package when his blood pressure rises. Don't talk to me about feelings
before you've had the operation -- because before you've done that step
it's better if you don't implore my empathy or patience because you're
just not real, I won't feel the weight of your complaints and frustrations.
Matter of fact, for you, ess jay dub, my emotional core's on vacation.
Leave me alone with your dialogue.
Discourse is not for me.
Leave me alone with your dialogue.
How do you prefer to ***
Is it this hard to admit to your audience there's something else outside
yourself? I can see how defining the lines with alacrity makes it easier
to breathe the air you breathe to stay alive. It must be nice to stand tall
and be you and not have to bray declarations of self to stay confident
and true to the compass. Walking is all it ever takes you yet when I say,
"Actually [...]" it's enough to make you think it's me getting in your face
with another liberal lecture, but I'm just keeping real straightforward
about which terms I prefer in our vernacular. Shut up, you **** up, we
advocate for your finish, only requiring you fit into our premise.
Leave me alone with your dialogue.
Discourse is just not for me.
Leave me alone with your dialogue.
How do you prefer to ***
I just think it's best to have some canned material
in case you need it.
Oct 8, 2015
Oct 8, 2015 at 1:52 AM UTC
To answer your question, it could be I stopped believing
years ago when I sent my friend before the chopping block.
Stop! I'll sell information for passage.
Stop! I'm scared to death of dying.
Where she lives.
Such a shame.
Where she hangs.
I'll take the blame.
Where she showers, even.
Stop! I'll give you the words you want if you make this hurting stop.
Stop! You don't have to crack my brain open with a hammer chop,
you don't have to use pliers to pry what you want from my head,
when you can listen to me talk freely, then take the message and run.
Where she lives.
Such a shame.
Where she hangs.
I'll take the blame.
So much will change.
Where she showers, even.
But if you call for me, I'll be there.
Wearing a straight face that's
driven me here, so insane, I don't
care how rapidly my conscience
eats the very strength on which
I stand. I'm alive without the will to live.
But if you call for me, I'll be there.
Wearing a straight face.
Oct 7, 2015
Oct 7, 2015 at 10:30 PM UTC
This whole line of life stinks
because I had to tell a lie
to keep the peace between
my children.
This city knows no sun.
From the rain, there's nowhere to run.
I love windows now more
than ever.
Hold me, walls, I can count that you're stable
the mistakes I distribute on the daily straight
from my pockets, I feel sure and safely better
disconnected. The actions I bring in tether and
tow absolutely have no bearing on whether
you're standing tall. No. My children won't
be all aboard this orchestra. Complete erasure
is the one remaining measure to take. I won't
deliver their fate. I won't deliver their fate.
Oct 6, 2015
Oct 6, 2015 at 8:31 PM UTC
Hate me. Why not take an arm off?
Maybe my arm's already gone and missing.
Maybe tonight's the night I won't
wake from sleeping.
Shame as pestilence incarnate
rakes my beating heart and brain.
Nails as sharp as shards of memory.
I ingest the scent of corpses in a
cold storage adorned with limbs and organs,
underneath the floor of that burned
out/burned in periphery beneath the rain.
Sprang up again, arose in sweat,
toward the toilet. Some things never change.
Will this never change?
Hard jobs **** up my night,
and I can't rest in day.
Hard jobs **** up my day,
and I can't rest through night,
but I cannot stay awake.
What came before comes now,
becomes the future, turning loops.
The present keeps pace steady, only to
slide the Earth below me to prove
Some things never change.
Oct 6, 2015
Oct 6, 2015 at 4:42 AM UTC