In raw shadow I linger
And recall your corduroy voice
Smooth, open, and deep
You make my head throb with poetry
And I ache with delirious desire to dance
Beneath the moon and stars
To the music of the wind and rhythm of the sea.
Jul 18, 2017
Jul 18, 2017 at 6:28 PM UTC
Language is like a void
Yet concrete is porcelain skin
And chocolate dreams
I listen to shadows
Remembering how frantically the words melted
Sacrificing my tongue for your delicious smile.
Jul 18, 2017
Jul 18, 2017 at 6:25 PM UTC
Stranger to myself
I wander through the maze of my thoughts
Star gazing upon a distant labyrinthine spiral of past promises and torn trust
Dreams scattered and lost upon winter's wistful winds.
And do you realize you were the best part of my mind?
A light warming the inner crevices and cavities of old sorrows, sore and exhausted from chewing away the years.
A heart to hold onto when mine was crawling away in agony,
Bursting at its seams, it groaned
Too full of the world to be inside me.
You guided me when my eyes turned inward to search for my wandering heart
It was in my stomach,
Pounding and wriggling, a mountain of worms eating my organs, swarming out my ears, too many to be contained.
Carried me when my legs complained that my heart was too heavy and went on strike,
They folded together quietly like the blanket at the end of my childhood bed.
Lended me your mouth when my body succumbed and refused to get up.
Kissed me until you blew my heart to smithereens,
Kissed me until the worms came out in admiration to watch our lips writhe and twist,
Kissed me till my heart jumped back together and clambered back into my chest,
Kissed me till my eyes returned, till I lifted my weary head and collapsed into your love for me.
Reminded me of the flowers last spring.
The wildflowers after our cold dark winter.
Stroked my hair gently and taught my legs to wrap around your hips again and again till we pounded away the past
And my heart rejoiced at being given a new perspective.
Reminded my hands how to caress your cheeks,
My fingers were numb and frightened of hurting you
But they longed to catch hold of your smile and hold onto its warmth forever.
You knew me for what I was,
But I was a stranger to myself.
My body was searching for its parts, taking inventory of its functions.
And my mind was missing,
I lost it amidst a most busy crowd of no one.
I haven't found it since.
And do you know that you were the best part of my mind?
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017 at 3:18 AM UTC
Stranger to myself
I wander through the maze of my thoughts
Star gazing upon a Milky Way of past promises and torn trust
Dreams scattered and lost upon winter's wistful winds.
And do you realize you are the best part of my mind?
A light warming the inner crevices and cavities of old sorrows, sore and exhausted from chewing away the years.
A heart to hold onto when mine is crawling away in agony,
Bursting at its seams, it groans
Too full of the world to be inside me.
Guide me when my eyes have turned inward to search for my wandering heart
It's in my stomach,
Pounding and wriggling, a mountain of worms eating my organs, swarming out my ears, too many to be contained.
Carry me when my legs complain that my heart is too heavy and go on strike,
They fold together quietly like the blanket at the end of my childhood bed.
Lend me your mouth when my body succumbs and refuses to get up.
Kiss me until you blow my heart to smithereens,
Kiss me until the worms come out in admiration to watch our lips writhe and twist,
Kiss me till my heart jumps back together and clambers back into my chest,
Kiss me till my eyes return, till I lift my weary head and collapse into your love for me.
Remind me of the flowers last spring.
The wildflowers after our cold dark winter.
Kiss my forehead and teach my legs to wrap around your hips again and again till we pound away the past
And my heart rejoices at being given a new perspective.
Remind my hands how to caress your cheeks,
My fingers are numb and frightened of hurting you
But they long to catch hold of your smile and hold onto its warmth forever.
You know me for what I am,
But I am a stranger to myself.
My body is searching for its parts, taking inventory of its functions.
And my mind is missing,
I lost it amidst a most busy crowd of no one.
I haven't found it since.
And do you know that you were the best part of my mind?
Jan 24, 2017
Jan 24, 2017 at 2:49 AM UTC
And who am I apart from my wonder?
My sadness
My curiosity
My existential pondering?
Would I actually want that all to go away?
To live my life like this always or to have no idea of the feelings this way of life inspires; both options are depressing.
The depression is what gets to me
And is caused in part by both
I feel so little in such a grand universe, so pointless, conspicuous in my expiration date.
What's it like to die, I always wonder
I don't believe in heaven or God
I don't believe my consciousness will extend beyond.
I worry that every little thing is a sign that my life is becoming like sour milk.
And the idea of all of it gone is terrifying
Nothing to write about
Nothing to explore
For who am I apart from what defines me?
I am what I define myself as
And by that, I don't know who I am
The dictionary of me hasn't seen bookstores yet
Because the editor seems to be missing in action
All my calls for help have gone unanswered
She's probably somewhere beyond the reaches of cell service
Perhaps in a forest, climbing a mountain, or by the river
She needs that time to rejuvenate
And to create my story
I would say she's a designer of realities but I couldn't figure out what a reality was so I changed it.
I believe it's important to say what you know to be truthful
To follow the Maxims of Conversation
To compromise with yesterday in exchange for a better tomorrow.
Jan 23, 2017
Jan 23, 2017 at 7:46 PM UTC
I love the costume you wear
Discounted and undervalued
But I see it for its true colors
It's a method, a mood, a mystery
How after so much pain
You're still here somehow, and smiling.
I love the costume you wear
Ocean blue sadness
Veiled by the violet warmth of your acceptance
Indescribably beautiful melancholy
Like the sunrise I watched today
The night wistfully accepting the inevitable morning
Knowing that midnight's velvet comfort will once again return.
I love the costume you wear
But I wish you wouldn't hide your true colors within
Its fierce red curtained folds
Or behind those miserably memorized monologues that just don't ring true
It's like you've got stage fright but
The stage is yourself.
I love the costume you wear
But come with me
And let's dance until the pain glows like the sun and becomes beautiful
Until the moon lights your way and you are no longer afraid
Until the wind takes your hand and you can release the curtain and let go
Until you can drop the script and let your words fly like birds, of their own accord
And until you can embrace the world
With only your heart, your smile, and yourself
And dance beyond it all, freely.
Aug 21, 2016
Aug 21, 2016 at 6:34 PM UTC
Cold
I lean against the bed
Watching the waves wash away your wakefulness
Your breath steady as the tide
Your eyes drifting away
Away from mine
Into beautiful serenity
Dreams of sunlight and calm seas
And you relax fully
Succumbing to the rhythm
The waves crashing against the sand
I gaze
Longing
Would that this moment could last
Beyond our limits
Beyond the sea
The time we have left.
And so peaceful you are
My love, my darling
Dreaming
Beyond my watery world
Beyond the reaches of my sadness
I wish I could be here with you
Every night like this
To hold your hand as the currents
carry us towards the horizon,
Gradually,
Like the way I fell in love with you.
Aug 11, 2016
Aug 11, 2016 at 5:20 PM UTC
Fly until summer’s gone
Nothing left
No place smiles
You creep into bed
Lost in a haze of thoughts
Of the queen of a dying
Country.
Midnight was a time of
Beginning.
Transition.
Still, it is.
But not as new
Cold poets weeping
Their tears
Riveting fish
In bowls
Who have never seen water out of
Context.
Just stand there
And breathe their pain
Hear the way their eyes droop
It’s like they cannot bear to
Look up
To the moon and star spattered sky
No longer
But forever more.
You want a song sung
Of passion
Of happiness
Of love.
Yet when poets cry
And fish gape like
They’re being strangled
Willingly
And the midnight has lost its
Whimsy
Where is the dawn at the end?
At the end of a sleepless night?
Where is the relief after a long cry?
Where is the joy of seeing a friend?
Climbing a mountain
Dancing in the rain?
How can you find rest,
Until you find
Your friend and sink into
An embrace?
How can you dance in the rain
When the sun is smothering the clouds?
How can you cease the
Wild torrent of tears
When you know there will be no
Relief?
How can you fall asleep peacefully when you know there will be no
Morning?
How can you climb the mountain
When you can’t see
Where your feet are treading?
How can you stop?
Fly.
Fly until it’s over.
Jun 4, 2016
Jun 4, 2016 at 2:12 AM UTC
*Have you been there?
The place beyond
the trees.
Someone's whisper
reached into my thoughts
drew me in
like a fish oblivious
in death
reeled by the line.
Blind faith
the present moment
food for the fish
is food for the thought.
In truth
it's false
like a mirage
the horizon
the lull before a tsunami.
It's a trap
that bit on the line
the singular idea of it
yet I saw nothing
knew nothing
I was the family at the beach
swept suddenly away by the monstrous wave
Gone.
A lull
before the end.
But have you been there?
that place
Beyond.
Listen to the whisper
let it guide you
to the end
meet me there
in my thoughts
the place
beyond the trees.
It's not the horizon
Farther, farther
waver at the edge
Your mind
beckoning the beyond
like a mirage
a mystery
the place beyond the trees.*
Jun 1, 2016
Jun 1, 2016 at 1:25 AM UTC
*Peculiar longing
my heart slowly falling
and I found myself wishing
it was me you were kissing.
Quietly seeing
as you went on being
just a young actor doing
what they all found amusing.
She was a'twirling
around you were circling
and your steps were a'matching
as you dove in for the catching.
Your eyes bright were glowing
and I kind of felt like going
because it wasn't from my pleasing
that you were so alive with feeling,
so full-on grinning
and so happy to be living.
But I decided on staying
since I'd already done the paying
and I proceeded with watching
as you looked so swashing
your beautiful smile a'flashing
and you so handsomely dashing.
But happy am I for there remaining
for what I saw was really just feigning
so now after all this over-analyzing
this mess I've created that's got me madly fantasizing
I do know the girl who gets your soul a'singing
the one for whom you'd truly do anything
I do know the place where your heart is sleeping,
because it's right here with me, the dearest gift in my keeping.*
May 9, 2016
May 9, 2016 at 12:48 AM UTC