Only the smallest little taste
doled out.
So sparingly, so cruelly
Craving and salivating for more.
Anything to ask for more of this
to convince I’m worth the time
to feed my appetite is mutually beneficial.
But no.
A tight-fisted, cold lover.
Nothing given with sweetness.
Only at his pleasure
Uncaring of my hunger and need.
I want the pleasure.
The small, sighing moans
and the drowsing warmth.
Jan 15, 2020
Jan 15, 2020 at 1:27 AM UTC
Nothing quite like the writers’ church
More or less filled
Creaking of seats.
Anticipation tingling in the chest
Eyes down in respect.
It’s the start.
Glee burning in the veins
Eagerness to hear them speak.
The moaning gospels
Groaning from the stomach
Bent double in prayer and supplication.
Finger snaps of approvals
The wailing - the wailing of poets.
Lowing like cattle.
Mournful.
Rising pitch to screams.
Screams of agony, of love, tearing apart
the cacophony in their heads.
Jan 15, 2020
Jan 15, 2020 at 1:27 AM UTC
My little woman
is a mix of vinegar and sugar.
A gentleness of heart, tears gushing forth
Against an infuriating grasping for control.
Illogical paranoid need for order.
Chasing herself round and round in her mind
fighting off the invisible demons of others that never existed.
Craving sensual but rejecting the strings.
Jan 15, 2020
Jan 15, 2020 at 1:24 AM UTC
A foolish girl
who asked for
halter and bridle.
Eager to be claimed
Too soon for anyone’s good.
Quickly I found the harness
Entrapping.
Fully the symbol of Taurus,
A temper when provoked.
Found the rough grabbing on of my horns
an irritation.
Shook you off in annoyance
Snorting and backing away.
Chastened by the whip of your ire
Goaded to anger at the continued falling lashes
demanding complete obedience
and placid acceptance
to you.
I am no beast of burden
for your whims
or to carry your insecurities.
Spit the bit from my mouth
I ask for the bridle off
to find more sharp whipping
soothed by gentle warm hands.
No.
The bridle or nothing is your price.
Hitched to your side
otherwise -
turned out of friendly thorny pastures.
My pride, my skin burns in shame.
I want your hands on me
but flinch from the shadow of threat.
My horns are still mine.
I am still a beast of my own will.
I want not your whip
Only your hands
but
if I have one
the other is not far behind.
Jan 15, 2020
Jan 15, 2020 at 1:23 AM UTC
Greedy, ***** little body
Hungrily swallowing down
every touch, every kiss.
Still always asking for more.
Addled brain
Flooded with the syrup of arousal.
Logic giving up the ghost
to pleasure and gluttony.
Reasoning tries to speak.
Gags and silences on
Spoonfuls of dopamine -
Made an addict.
Such a **** for trust and words
Easily retraining from one man to the next
Soon enough these hands
craving to hold this new interest
remembering fondly the previous ones.
Jan 15, 2020
Jan 15, 2020 at 1:21 AM UTC
Each new love a string tied to my heart.
Those strings stained, darkened with blood
The shiny fishing line gouging deeply
Cutting into the muscle, absorbed into it.
that shiny silver subsumed by rich, dark red.
--
Sometimes the sniping of a heart string
is agony.
The connection a shadow of once was,
Paraumbilical veins that cling
Pouring blood.
--
Pain – a low growl in the throat
The lightest touch a shooting pain
dulls to a grimacing twinge.
---
Finally gritting my teeth
Making that final, hard slice
an exhalation of relief.
It’s finished.
The pain well remembered.
---
Already a new thread between my fingers
A shock. A gift.
Disbelief it is mine to hold.
--
A careful winding round
No strangulation
A snug squeeze, comforting.
--
Warmth seeping in.
A slow washing over
Silver tinted a deepening pink.
--
The line pressed close
Encouraging the muscle to take it.
The entwining already begun.
Jan 15, 2020
Jan 15, 2020 at 1:20 AM UTC
His touch clings to me
like spider webs
a tickling irritation.
When I’m stressed -
I wake up -
Fighting him off.
My body remembering his careful violence.
My mind branding over new lovers
with his fingerprints.
Want to mutilate my brain
shed this skin who recalls him
so easily.
No unconscious memories
of other touches
from anyone but him.
I will never forgive or forget.
Condition away this conditioned response.
When will I be free?
Of a man who doesn’t remember me.
--
I see his features in other men.
That gorgeous corn silk blond hair,
the strong, masculine jaw
even the cuteness of his ears.
Somehow that tugs at my heartstrings
The twinging pain disgusts me.
How can I still feel this way?
I want to puke up this venom.
The vitriol burning my mouth.
Exorcise the malicious spirit
that wails in my ear
when I see
YOU.
Or someone who almost looks like you.
My teeth sunk deep in anger.
You foolish, reckless girl - how could you let this happen?
How could you let him do this to you?
How can I forgive myself?
I don’t know how to.
My forgiveness will never be hinged to him.
He will never earn it.
I want to forgive myself.
My naivety, my hope, my lust.
I went in search of affection and base needs of physical touch
Repulsed by his violating me.
Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone
let me go, let me go, let me go.
I’m sorry to me for what I didn’t know would happen.
I’m sorry to me that I still blame myself for my violation.
I’m sorry to me how this trauma has burned me so deeply.
How I wish the salve of time and journaling would heal me completely.
I’m sorry to me that I still can’t quite let go.
How he still follows me around - at least metaphorically.
I want my forgiveness.
Jan 15, 2020
Jan 15, 2020 at 1:19 AM UTC
A beast when provoked
Snarling, snapping.
Protect the throat and the belly.
Let no teeth and no sword
slice and spill my blood.
My entrails are not for you.
They are for none,
but the dearest who may slay me.
I do not want my blood on your hands.
I don’t want your blood
Nor do I demand sacrifices.
I ask not for the burning sun.
I am a beast,
I will tear out throats.
I refuse to submit.
Oh,
wonder that my hands are empty
Jan 15, 2020
Jan 15, 2020 at 1:18 AM UTC
Fought off the craving like an addiction
Bared my teeth against the slow boil
Refused to let myself go slowly belly up
Fighting against baring my throat.
Afraid of the touch of teeth
the spatter of blood and gristle of gore.
I refused to give you that power
Snarled at the familiarity
Even as your touch lit a flame.
Felt my muscles go weak as you gently spoke
A careful warmth lulling me.
Your words quenching my thirst
Even as I tried to turn my mouth from the cool touch of you.
Finding that I already wanted it all the more.
The lack of you disturbing my sleep
pulling me from my bed
Like a ****** hunting for a fix.
Once isn’t enough.
My words a pathetic warding off
Saying that I don’t need it.
But you’re not poison
Corroding my veins
Rather a vitality I discover I long for
Wanting to drink you down for the warmth, the joy, the satiation.
The trembling and twitching
My body happily consuming the bonding drug
Along with your words.
Greedy for body, soul, and mind.
I give myself up to the cravings
Jan 15, 2020
Jan 15, 2020 at 1:17 AM UTC
Hercules, my beautiful baby boy
With your corn silk hair of Samson
And small spaces between your teeth
The laughter that burbles forth
Clear and pure as water,
How much you have grown from
child to Man.
A fragile shoot into an oak tree.
You avoided Death’s jaws
By closing your tiny fists around them
Insanity bestowed as a gift for fighting
The animal within purging the blood.
And yet my poor child sent so many trials.
Your hair shorn
Looking like a prickly porcupine
But it was never about those locks
It was your heart.
A heavy burden to bear
And some are not equal to the task
They trip and drop them
Watch as the glass shatters
But you are half human
Yours does not break
The muscle rips and tears
Agonizing though it may be
It mends stronger each time.
Your cup overflows
And it feels like drowning
The highs that are tsunami waves
Lows become earthquakes
Shaking everything apart.
And this mother may only be mortal
But she reminds you that
Your hair will grow back
And so will your heart
Lovely as before.
Jul 24, 2018
Jul 24, 2018 at 11:51 PM UTC