Here I go again
Back on the train
Going in the opposite direction
Of my home
I have been here before
I know this pain too well
Home ridden
He no longer wants me around
In exile - from my own home
Stateless
Anxious
Panic rises
As I carried that heavy suitcase on my way to the train station
I heard my own sighs
Be strong be strong now
I tell myself as I gasp my way another step further
Keep walking
Don't break
Dec 30, 2015
Dec 30, 2015 at 10:30 AM UTC
I am not afraid of the depression anymore
I am a warrior
This is my body protesting the trauma and the injustice
I was born to stand up
For all the worlds mothers and daughters, sisters, aunties, fathers, cousins
My body is just trying to say listen to me now please
This pain cant be processed if you keep your eyes and mouth shut
Just listen in to the inner child
Nobody did
So you must
Only then can you help the others
No this is not true! I have to help them
Mine was nothing compared to others
Clouds rapidly gather
The thoughts become over whelming
I feel like vomiting and hear my stomach rumble
I am overwhelmed
Did it really happen to me?
Its not true!
Its not true!
So I numb body this morning as usual
With another spliff
In silence we mourn for now
Its just how it goes
Everyone that knows wonder how I can be functional
They say I am a survivor, an inspiration
Huh?
Truth is the real pain has begun only 10 years after
And I haven't been to work much these days
I am a survivor but I am not functioning, I never did
Like i used to write back then in my diary
I was on autopilot
Destination - self destruction
Its not easy and I am just at the beginning of the end of this chapter
But I am no longer afraid of the depression
Dec 8, 2015
Dec 8, 2015 at 4:35 AM UTC