for me,the bar is high here
....the angels are already leaning in
ready to immolate every word i dare to speak
you too pounce when i'm in mid sentence
when i'm on the edge of just saying it clearly, matter of fact
...dumbing down, saying nothing, less exhausting
is the wisest choice...it is all i ever can manage to do
...silently and eternally reliant on yours and everyone else's intuition here:
I AM
Nov 18, 2021
Nov 18, 2021 at 4:00 PM UTC
Retreating Light
You were always very young children,
always waiting for a story.
And I’d been through it all too many times;
I was tired of telling stories.
So I gave you the pencil and paper.
I gave you pens made of reeds
I had gathered myself, afternoons in the dense meadows.
I told you, write your own story.
After all those years of listening
I thought you’d know
what a story was.
All you could do was weep.
You wanted everything told to you
and nothing thought through yourselves.
Then I realized you couldn’t think
with any real boldness or passion;
you hadn’t had your own lives yet,
your own tragedies.
So I gave you lives, I gave you tragedies,
because apparently tools alone weren’t enough.
You will never know how deeply
it pleases me to see you sitting there
like independent beings,
to see you dreaming by the open window,
holding the pencils I gave you
until the summer morning disappears into writing.
Creation has brought you
great excitement, as I knew it would,
as it does in the beginning.
And I am free to do as I please now,
to attend to other things, in confidence
you have no need of me anymore.
Jun 29, 2021
Jun 29, 2021 at 5:59 PM UTC
upon the afternoon of snow..of his wandered love
he sang his blue guitar into the wintry sky
life burst into snow
the falling snow
...towards dusk he gathers the fallen sky
piling in her heart
and walks her home
and all at once
they arrive
they become.
Jan 7, 2021
Jan 7, 2021 at 7:30 PM UTC
i held my blue guitar while it snowed
the landscape felt like mine
i stepped slowly towards the dusk
playing a blue guitar while i strolled
the edges of my mind obscured
i played my blue guitar for sanity's sake
music unfolded like a gentle blanket
covering everything with fresh fallen snow
whispering the way home
...i find my way home
Dec 16, 2020
Dec 16, 2020 at 2:50 PM UTC
i am course, blemished, unfinished
***** hands, fingernails playing through broken strings
a child's small fist
often a rage
often alone in the dark
vulnerable,moving through the mystery
reaching my end in silence
...a myriad of cobbled pathways that once led to castles
i hear the stones begin to sing beneath my feet
and cross threshold after threshold
all manners of visions and awakenings
....sight of you engraves my soul
i go to the one who goes to the one
without fear
...without fear
Dec 15, 2020
Dec 15, 2020 at 8:55 PM UTC
consider the pale floor
covered cold with candle wax
and other moments lived through
splayed openly upon other cold surfaces
the irreparable stoved hours
when nothing could exist
not time, nor god
only yourself
..consider the frame of mind
framed within that room
its slight figure contracted
into something further, much smaller
irrefutable nakedness
sitting on the floor
covered cold with candle wax
desperately pulling herself tightly up against the wall
...just bits and pieces
just remnants,just shreds
the remaining moment left
lives now onward
but only from behind
..now vision blurred, vision dimmed
or else vision turned completely within
all outward vision gone
and
i do no better
diasporadic and vanquished
i'm no less a shadow
than you once were
..but your shadow once besides me
has vanished
and i'm left to walk the same featureless shore
as you once did
this time alone
i can only mark the tides
and carry on
...rest in peace Katie
Dec 8, 2020
Dec 8, 2020 at 5:25 PM UTC
every time i speak
i'm reduced infinitesimally
and i lose the early taste
of evening fog rising over an open twilit april field
and of my late mindfulness of the two moons
of the rising red planet mars
of phobos and deimos
oh i know they might still be mine, i still hunt for them occasionally
i can sometimes hear their eccentric hum calling me
but my half mad understanding already has ultimately strained the limits
of my wobbly earthly logic
i cannot listen any more, i can only barely fathom
while i'm busy yet orbiting inside other visions of undetermined stars beyond stars i've already known
of everything there that is tied together or perhaps not, spiraling down simultaneously
still unable, but trying
to fill and comfort the unknowable ache of this void
in the bowels of my soul
...all this is somehow important i feel
.. but each time i dare these words upon you
i create more of a knot , more distance
between you and me first
then between myself and everything else soon after
and then we both begin to lose
sight of me
stepping off, breaking spell
capitulating
into this slivered spacestream of nowhere
with my chafed tongue still clapping
and i'm sure to lose you forever
i'll lose us both
if i insist following this fraying thread any further
God ,seal me against speech
with blood and wax
seal me like a prophesy
never meant to be opened
heaven guide us back
and hold us inside the frequencies of silence
of black density and vast anchored eternities
hovering over us in this inimitable field tonite
within these few hours of a hanging crimson orb
that will bleed over the earth
without enmity
or blame
....this moon
until it pales again
washed clean of blood, of epiphany
setting firm silent
simple..simple
as ever
upon the flattened horizon
in the grey lonely light of just another cold april morning
breaking hard, i promise i will meet you there
and i will love only you...
Nov 24, 2020
Nov 24, 2020 at 7:11 PM UTC
birds born in midair
never leave the sky
what has no beginning
has no real ending...never quite lands
..you can drag the bottom
forever
finding or finding not
searching for that body
by which satisfies as an explanation
and buys you only time
which will never satisfy
and by time you are not softened
not like the stone smoothed, hiding in your hand
...its never been a simple matter
to just die
or to be the thing you are born to
...however
this one morning
the birds flew lower and closer
than they had ever flown before
...and we are recompensed as a question
of whether we are dead or truly alive
and as i still breath
i promise to never hesitate
to tell you
while
we so very much are
Aug 24, 2020
Aug 24, 2020 at 4:51 PM UTC
..i'm inside another mindquake
of tossed and heaved visions
( i would like to call them something else)
i'm alone in the dark
******* my thumb
to the bone
gnawing on my own foot
trying to free myself
from this death trap
of nauseous petulance
cleverness is symptomatic
of the worst of liars
why won't you believe this
unless you're similarly engraved
and marked
( we are both doomed)
why can't a mind just bleed out quietly
somewhere out of sight
instead of
deepening its wounds,
the damage
within the spectacle of making empty noise?
(it should honor itself for the terminal wild beast it is
laying itself down hidden somewhere
falling silent
and be done with it)
-forget all this
this is too dense a narrative
yes, a old dearth
written in fresh shorthand
trying to inch closer
..to what??
-who would dare pretend
and admit and nod to what they don't understand?
(we both have many times)
so it ends right now here
empty sounds in the belly of a cow
( the cow fell asleep and bellowed among the others
and lost it's teeth and appetites on the veritable cud)
this is just uncomplicated madness pirouetting
as deft language, out of touch
veiling as dense profundity
..my mind
eating itself out of whatever sanity left
ending ...like this i suppose
dull
Aug 12, 2020
Aug 12, 2020 at 4:07 PM UTC
i watched it crawl on your shoulder
as we talked past one another
i spoke nothing of it
..why should the spider die also
and be included
in this lethal experiment
we chose together
and have no way
of stopping?
Aug 11, 2020
Aug 11, 2020 at 7:58 PM UTC