This skin I’m in….
Has taken time to understand, appreciate and heal
From the burden of deep pigmentation
See, growing up frustration and humiliation was my constant station
Called names like “blacky,” “midnight,” and “streetblack,”
I embraced the negativity and wore pain like a sack
I bore the brunt of racism taught within my own community
And there was no immunity for me
I could not escape this dark skin
From year to year
The torture became more severe
And my self-esteem almost ceased to exist
Because I saw myself the way others saw me
I began to speak the same negative words
Spewed by others to myself
This deep pigmentation lead to alienation
I truly hated my dark skin….
In high school, I decided to work on me
And not care so much about what others thought
I told myself that I was more than a conqueror
I spoke more positive words and
I thought the darkness of my skin, didn’t win
But I still got told that “I was cute to be dark,”
Could it be that I was just cute
Not focusing on dark or light?
That is when I begin to realize, this wasn’t my fight
It’s my job to build my own self-esteem
It’s right in the definition, it’s literally what it means
Self-Esteem is how you see yourself!
It’s then that I chose to embrace this dark skin
That absorbs the sun, shines like onyx,
Purifies like charcoal and stands regal like a raven
This skin I’m in has taught me how to soar to higher heights
Loving every step my chocolate blessed feet trod…
Mar 23, 2021
Mar 23, 2021 at 9:21 PM UTC
I swore I'd never let myself get hurt again
So, I put on my goggles and overalls
And built myself a fence 10 feet tall
Impenetrable
Cause truth be told, I'm too **** vulnerable
I've taken the time to plant my feet
Girded my fortress with the toughest concrete
Safe and secure I take my seat
Determined to keep my distance from everyone I meet
Except you....
You make me question the purpose of my emotional prison
I realize I'm nothing more than a hollow shell
From all the years of hell I willfully endured
And thought myself cured but now I'm amazed and a bit dazed
Cause I simply love being in your presence
And I'm totally captivated by your very essence
Yet my heart yells out
REMEMBER YOUR VOW!!!!
Behind my smile my soul is vexed
And my heart is perplexed
Have I completely lost my mind
Or is it a crime to let you close to me
Can I let my guard down
And expose you to all my vulnerabilities
Dec 20, 2017
Dec 20, 2017 at 12:44 AM UTC
How do I not take this personal
You took me for granted
And I can't stand it
Like Nicki I shoulda been checked you
But I let you get mad disrespectful
Had the nerve to believe
Simply because I conceived
You were the only man I'd struggle with
So I entered into an unspoken covenant
Swore we were bound for life
In fact you'd call me your wife
Silly me so easily deceived
Cause the reality is those are just words
Spoken by a puppet master
And because my desires for family unit
Kept me entangled mentality
And my perception was clouded
How did I not see you for who you are
Though you called me your star
And you claimed I was the light
That illuminated your world
You swore I was your only girl
Time reveals uncovered secrets
And the realization is that
There are way more victims than just me
And we all unknowingly clung to such
A misguided entity
A talented chameleon who's a masterful mangician
Abracadabra, **** you're inundated
The spell permeates your soul
And his charms pervade your senses
And pain erodes your heart
And you tell yourself you are fine
The truth is your fall apart
And all you can feel is decay
And visions of death encamp you
Your mood is highly dissipated
You feel empty and depleted
I mean completely stagnated
Like your whole being should be deleted
Pain cuts like incisions
And it's time to make decisions and walk away
Taking time to heal
Just so you can deal with self
And scars serve as a reminder
Yet heart still questions
If scabs are still bleeding
Truth is I was so needing to be entirely free
Then I met she
And in her I saw myself
I could empathize with her brokenness
And I could imagine her dismay
And I all I could do is offer words of encouragement
Because we experienced the same grief
So I sent up prayers
To let her know someone cares
Even if he pretends he doesn't
How does she not take it personal
When you consider the disrespect level
You feel you been robbed by the devil, himself
So all we can do is keep each other encouraged
Yes, we found each other
Bound by lies and ill-attempted tries
But no ill-will for each other
She is now part of me
And will forever be family
And never again
Shall we never allow each other to descend into darkness
And so we shall stop taking it personal
Although it's hard to let go of that hate
Karma comes, just wait
And from the ashes we arose with armor
Stronger than we've ever been
Feb 10, 2014
Feb 10, 2014 at 3:51 PM UTC
The Answer to the Question Where Are You?
2010 WDelany
The Answer to the Question Where Are You?
2010 WDelany
Can you find me?
Clothed in layers and layers
Of heartaches I'd bared
After all these years and years
Of tears and frustration
Standing, patiently waiting
You'd find me
There trapped in a maze
Of both mediocre and hectic days
Used against me like a weapon
Entangled, inchoate searching
For some sort of direction
My personal hell became a comfort zone
Because at least it was my own
And every excuse to not change applied
Pity-parties shared made others subscribe
To my shaken perception
My spirit awaiting resurrection
Would count the tally marks
Like the wall of an inmate's cell
Trapped in my personal hell
Still, in my reality it was the only thing consistent
Challenging myself to not be resistant to change
I began to explore what I say
And the error of my ways
Discovered we all want change instantly
It takes hard work, perseverance and longevity
Prayer, faith and spirituality
What happens when what was once comfortable
Becomes intolerable
When what you believe and is pleasurable
You realize is fallible
Do you stay where you are and suffer for all eternity?
Or do you decide enough is enough
This life is no longer good for me
I allowed prayer and meditation
To be my medication
An antidote to remedy my every situation
God loves me enough to cover me with mercy and grace
Nothing and no one could compare or replace
God never forgot my every request
Just required me to reach for my best
Can you see me?
Letting go of past mistakes
Burying drama and old heartbreaks
Choosing where I go and where I stay
Consciously, each and every day
Shedding layers and layers
Of the tormented garments I chose to wear
In exchange for hope, self pride and growth
Because those are the things I am so worth
It's there you'll find me
Feb 8, 2014
Feb 8, 2014 at 2:05 AM UTC
Lately I've been thinking
Perhaps, more like deliberating
With myself I've been debating
Tired of waiting and anticipating
See, my perception's been shaken
And trust is what I should rely on
But we've been through the lies
And I've seen text from other guys
Which only seems to imply
You don't mind keeping you options open
And though I was hoping
To make this work
We'll both end up getting hurt
If we keep dragging this out
It's tough to keep us sound
If neither can be around
And the distance has put a strain
On what remains of our relationship
But who am I relating with
Admit that this distance is killing us
And I no longer want to fuss
And I'm way too old to fight
With ******** and drama
I scream and you shout
What are we really arguing about
Just want no more negative karma
So, I am deciding to walk away
So you can be free
And I can do me
Our love has come to an end
That's the grave reality
Feb 5, 2014
Feb 5, 2014 at 4:50 PM UTC
Into the abyss
Are hopes and dreams
Shattered, wasted and confused
Caught in a net are my messes
Filled with self-pity, battered and bewildered
Constantly falling into nothingness
Falling steadily into the abyss
I close my eyes
Dismayed and betrayed, I prayed
And heard a voice say
Do you know your worth?
I understand you are hurt
And you have made mistakes
You made poor choices
And caught tough breaks
But if you believe in me and have faith
The size of a mustard seed
I guarantee you will succeed
You were created for more than what you choose
I was beat and bruised for iniquities
The blood still saves if you stick with me
Your latter shall be greater…2012
So I pulled myself together
And planted my feet
Straightened my shoulders
And begin to release
All the pain and the strain of previous years
All the anxiety, heartache and shitload of tears
No longer moved by chatter
And no longer hexed
No longer does it matter
Soul no longer vexed
In fact I am blessed beyond measure
Climbed out of the abyss to find life’s treasures2014
Jan 29, 2014
Jan 29, 2014 at 10:40 PM UTC
I used to dream in multi-color
With visions of family and this perfect love
Even if noone else could see
I could feel what loving you did to me
I side stepped hurt and pain
Leaped ******** with a single bound
Cause nothing could compare
To the love I had found
Then to my surprise I realized
How much I was dying inside
And that each tear I cried sunk me to a deeper low
Especially seeing you with such trifling hoes
Waving them in my face
Is much more than anyone could take
Then my dreams turned to nightmares
I’d wake up panting for air
Because waiting… is much more than I can bear
With each passing year you still ask me to bare with you
Yet I watch you do you, and them too
And still want to keep your hand on me
Well I just gotta be and I need to fly
I need to jet, I need a partner,
This is not as good as it gets
But there’s more in store for me
So let me dream in multi-color once again
With visions of success and family and a perfect love
That with searching , God will send from heaven above
Jan 29, 2014
Jan 29, 2014 at 10:09 PM UTC
Awakening
The very essence of adolescence is efflorescence
Passion's embrace is quite effervescent
Was driven to insatiable impress simply by his presence.
An answer to a prayer thought he was heaven sent
I would have walked one million miles for just one of his dimple- filled smiles
Liked his style plus his touch drove me wild
Was in denial and it took me a while to see he was foul and incomplete
Yet, women lie at his feet
Still this man made me weak
Forsaked all others, lying in wait
Trapped in a dream was my mental state
Low on the totem pole, drown by tears
Drained by the fact that I wasted too many years
Tired of debating, sick of hesitating
Dizzy by the never-ending yo-yo ride of him trying to decide Feel like I tried, but for too long I cried and inside I died
But I have too much pride to meet my demise here
Can you see me shaking off fear and realizing my dreams Coming into the blossoming I felt in my teens
Cause the very essence of adolescence is efflorescence Catching blessings from God's presence life is effervescent
WDelany11
Jan 29, 2014
Jan 29, 2014 at 10:04 PM UTC
“Tired of ******** and lies
And ill-attempted tries
And seeing you look at me
With contempt through your eyes
It’s that I despise
Tired of heartache and pain
Feeling I’m going insane
Like my spirit is being drained
And this has all been in vain
And I’m stuck right here
With only the pieces of my heart
Cause it’s been ripped apart
And I’m standing here like
Where the **** do I start
To repair me
Does anyone hear me?
And I’m mourning letting you be
But, it probably the best bet for me
Cause, loving you is killing me
Painfully waiting for change
I cry
Awakened in a nightmare of life
Passing me by
Slowly losing my mind
Spent days and nights crying
Cause I’m sick of trying
Then feeling forsaken
Leaves my whole perception shaken
Tired of my heart breaking
But ultimately I’m good
Cause honestly I deserve so much more than
******** and lies
And ill-attempted tries
And being looked at
With contempt through your eyes
Jan 29, 2014
Jan 29, 2014 at 9:28 PM UTC
Love’s Great Fan
By: WDelany
Love’s great fan, I am
Though choices seem to reprimand me
Struggling, in-between constantly
Seeking me to alleviate life’s ailments
Yet stuck in a realm of consistent nothingness
Subject to blame
Cause I don’t see things the same
Fighting myself internally
Clinging to visions of what should be
Maybe the reality is it’s not for me
While loosening the clutch of his hand
I see the shell of a man
Who he once was he is no more
Struggling with perception and what life has in store
Desiring to be more than his choices
Yet unable to control those inner voices
And like sand through an hour glass
These are the days of his life
Seeking redemption in my hand
Steadily drowning in quicksand
Unable to subdue the tormented sounds of unrest
Keeps him stuck in this mess
The mess in not mine I confess
With it I cannot identify
So I try with great conviction
To place restrictions on what my heart feels
Cause heart and mind don’t see eye to eye
See I used to be on Ja’s
When I cry you cry tip
And I was the first one in line
For this unending roller coaster ride trip
Suffocating in this thing called relationship
But who was I relating with
Asphyxiated by drowning in caravans of quicksand
Stifled and tired of carrying the weight of us entirely
Maybe I’ll let it be
I feel like Cinque man, give us-“us free”
Picky, I am called now
For taking the time to peruse ways
And figure all intentions
Oh, not to mention
Looking through the eyes to the soul of a man
Though not tired of trying, Love
I am still a fan
Jan 28, 2014
Jan 28, 2014 at 9:04 PM UTC