It was all a blur,
the fogy nights we spent together.
The numerous stares, everything that led to one of us, me, so much pain.
It all started because two souls were lonely and one was broken.
The other was alive and caring.
The first night was magical. Not like in the movies but how you would imagine it in real life.
Where nothing was perfectly perfect but it was perfect.
The drive back the first night made me only realize how fallen in love with you.
Maybe I was stupid,
I was.
I no longer will love. You left me numb.
When I wake up next to another guy numb is all I feel, all I’ve felt since you left.
You left me.
All of it is a blur, the way I felt, the things we did, the way I feel.
But today, I will focus on the fact that I am alone. That I will always be alone.
Today I will focus on that.
Jan 3, 2018
Jan 3, 2018 at 10:39 PM UTC
Over.
It's done.
It's over.
I'm no longer the person who wants love.
I'm the opposite,
I want to be cold, I want to feel nothing, I want to be that bitter person.
I don't want to get hurt anymore.
I will not allow myself to feel again.
I used to be such a romantic,
Daydreaming about a boy, who would love me as much as I loved him.
****
How stupid was I.
Tender was my heart.
No longer will it be.
As of today, I am no longer that girl who wishes for someone to take care of her, to value her, to marry her, to grow up with her.
That girl is over.
Tonight marks a revelation of myself.
I will no longer want, nor expect anything from anyone.
I will no longer hope or daydream of loving someone.
I will no longer let someone in.
It's over.
That girl is dead.
Oct 24, 2017
Oct 24, 2017 at 11:17 PM UTC
I lay in the cold wet grass on the first night of October.
The breeze blowing through my hair.
As I look into the moon And listen to sous de ciel,
Laying flat against the earth I wish you'd be making love to me.
So I can feel that warmth I miss,
Far from this cold bitter night.
The first night in October.
The moon looks over us as we pour our souls into one another.
That feeling I feel when I catch you gazing at me,
Is as warm as a cup of tea In the icy winter.
Every kiss makes me want so much more.
When you touch my body I feel at ease, warm, safe, adored.
As I fall asleep on you,
I can't help but think about what we can be, how well we mix, how well we belong.
But as passionate as we are, I know to savor this brief moment we may have to hold back on.
Nothing is sure.
Nothing is uncertain.
I do know however, that what we have is so much more than we see it as.
And this is why I am writing this.
Right at this moment I can't help but smile and gaze at your eyes and how they look at me with such love, such admiration.
Nothing will ever change my mind about you, it'll always be you and I.
In cold days such as today,
The first night of October.
Oct 1, 2017
Oct 1, 2017 at 10:44 AM UTC
I'm just an ordinary girl with ordinary hair
An ordinary face
My best is someone's half
I can never be enough
But enough for who?
I will never try to look like all these other girls because then it wouldn't make me who I am
But at the same time I want to be seen
I want to be heard
I want to be adored
I don't need it but I want it
Or do I?
Will I ever be something else
Or will I just stay simple and ordinary
Where my everyday presence will be ignored
Where no one looks my way
Because I'll always be simple.
Sep 25, 2017
Sep 25, 2017 at 1:17 AM UTC