i watch this website fall apart
the entire screen freezing as i try to log back in after so many years
and after taking ap principles last year
i can kinda tell why
i am now seventeen
with only a "youthful disposition" to be seen
but only living for her
the little kid who thought being old was all there was to be
fruitger aero
y2k
grainy photos from yesterday
it was never about getting here
it was just about getting away
and crying over an indie album
from 2008
the words hit me harder than any song from a tiktok artist today
were we never really alone?
strange individuals from ten years ago
once scorned, now cherished by the youth
and i ahead or simply behind?
the useless porcelain jars from the thrift store hold more soul to me than any shirt from target ever will
born in the correct era
for now i can love the previous one in peace
strange how we only like something when it leaves
Dec 11, 2022
Dec 11, 2022 at 3:46 PM UTC
never grow up
just learn more
and be nice
you’ll become a lot wiser then
Jul 20, 2022
Jul 20, 2022 at 12:45 PM UTC
my mood changes like the tides
it’s all just some wave i ride
up and down
circling around
how much of it is really just my mind?
Jul 20, 2022
Jul 20, 2022 at 12:42 PM UTC
i don’t even wanna think
i just wanna dream
to gaze upon distant worlds
read old conversations and smile as i try to contain my laughter
to do nothing but imagine the worlds i could create on a piece of paper
i wanna smell every flower
and be nice to every person
i wanna drown myself in every song
and sing along once my teacher lets me
i wanna see all the colors of the world
and hold them close like a little blanket
i wanna fall asleep with a pen in my hand
to paint my nails and stain my palms
i wanna dig my hands into a box of something
just to see how it feels
lovely little fantasy world
perhaps if i commit myself to you long enough you’ll be come real
Jul 20, 2022
Jul 20, 2022 at 12:35 PM UTC
you resemble spring
and all the flowers it brings
you are everything
Jul 20, 2022
Jul 20, 2022 at 1:59 AM UTC
no more fixing bindra
no more fixing pramod
i will no longer tend to the dumpster fire that is their ego
the little things they do
still pulls the strings of my heart
you want my will to be your puppet
and i want yours to be mine
whatever makes you feel "safe"
whatever makes me feel "safe"
is whatever makes us in control
you are as broken as you have broken me
i no longer want to fix you
i want you to respond to my every demand
i want to manipulate you like you have manipulated me
i no longer want to destroy such evil
i simply want to turn the tables
i want to restore balance
and give myself room to breathe
because lord knows i'd be a better tyrant than you
i'm on my villain arc (setting boundaries)
biting at the hand that feeds me
because I was supposed to be the baby!
you were supposed to baby me!
when all i did was baby you!
i wanted to be your baby
i wanted to be your baby so bad
but look at what you do to babies
i am no alchemist
i cannot turn monster into human
simply, i can keep it under control
a muzzle to the rabid dog
your words bite into my heart
as i bite into your arm
if it bleeds, i wonder
if you'll think when you stare at the wound
Jul 20, 2022
Jul 20, 2022 at 1:51 AM UTC
jasmine green tea
the flowers smell so sweet
she put soap in my mouth
she wants to wash it out
i let the aroma lie to me
Jul 18, 2022
Jul 18, 2022 at 6:14 PM UTC
shoot for the stars, they say
sky's the limit
well now it's my limit
now I shoot myself until I see stars
supernova catastrophic
the lightshow is spectacular
what?
I did what you wanted me to
Dec 1, 2021
Dec 1, 2021 at 8:47 PM UTC
i always thought
i'd be alone
i always thought
all i'd ever have
was the pillow on my bed
in which i'd grasp onto
so tightly
frantically searching
for warmth
i cried
i cried so, so much
i never knew
that i could be loved back
that i'd ever receive such a thing
i never knew
that i was worth it
that i'd ever deserve such a thing
yet here you are, my love
i have found warmth
i have found the embrace of a thousand laughters
and a single little kiss on your cheek
my sun,
my moon,
my galaxy of a myriad of stars,
i no longer clasp onto the pillow in despair
but a soft, calming imagination
waiting for the day
you'd finally be there
Feb 9, 2021
Feb 9, 2021 at 12:35 AM UTC
it's over.
we did it.
school is finally dead.
you sleep at 4
and wake up at 3
paradise, as paradisiacal as it can be
just why, though
why am i still unhappy?
Jul 6, 2020
Jul 6, 2020 at 5:46 PM UTC