you were raised with a silver spoon placed in your mouth
you had it ripped out and thrown around, so you learned to grab it and fight to get it no matter the amount of thrashing you needed to do to get it
I was raised to lick the scraps of love off the sharp side of a knife
you love parts of me
fractions that you pick and choose but never the entire spoonful
I am cough syrup on your silver spoon
sweet but an underlying bitterness that you can't stand
I wish you loved me in my entirety
Mar 24, 2024
Mar 24, 2024 at 4:10 AM UTC
I want to tell you about my day
I want to tell you that I went to see my old house and I felt this sickening nostalgia as my mom and I drove down the road that my dad left us on
the same road we chased after him on 13 some years ago
I want to tell you that today I looked in the mirror and didn't even recognize my reflection, all I saw was this girl looking back at me that I didn't even recognize, nor liked
I want to tell you that I miss you but I'm starting to miss myself more, how I feel like you're attempting to control the tings that composed my very being before I met you
I want to tell you that I don't think you understand life or people as much as you think you do
I don't think you care about me the same way that you used to
I want to tell you that I feel like I'm rotting and wasting away but don't have the strength anymore to get up and do anything about it
I want to tell you that I don't think I'm as extroverted as I used to be, being around people for longer than a few hours makes me physically exhausted enough to faint
I want to tell you that love is not control, love is attending a thousand funerals of who someone used to be and loving each person they become without trying to change that
I want to tell you I made the front page of a poetry website I've been writing on for 5 years and I'm proud of myself for creating something I think is worthwhile even if you don't
I want to read you my poetry but I know you well enough to know you won't appreciate the thoughts I have, writing them off as some heavy self destructive woman who's too emotional sometimes or not emotional enough at others
I want to read you my poetry and have you truly listen
Mar 24, 2024
Mar 24, 2024 at 4:07 AM UTC
one by one i’ll pull my teeth from my mouth
i am so full of rage
i want to be soft despite that
i’ll put them in a jar
to remind myself
harsh words come from a harsh mouth
without my teeth
maybe i’ll be softer
Jun 4, 2023
Jun 4, 2023 at 5:42 AM UTC
your voice is my lullaby
your body my blanket
your hands on my thighs
i’m a hopeless romantic
i’m tossing and turning
i lay here alone
hoping and praying
that you’ll maybe phone
this twin size bed
i happen to call my own
feels so much more empty
this space deemed the unknown
Jun 4, 2023
Jun 4, 2023 at 5:41 AM UTC
late at night
alone in my bed
i no longer use my strength to hold myself together
instead i hold your shirt.
Jun 4, 2023
Jun 4, 2023 at 5:40 AM UTC
i will write poetry for myself
admiring all the imperfections
just like people do with art
Nov 7, 2022
Nov 7, 2022 at 11:45 PM UTC
when i write about other people
frantically scribbling words on a page
to express love
or hate
or something at all
why can't i write the same way for myself
the intense verses and elaborate wording
all used to express a feeling that no combination of words will
ever explain
perhaps if i stare in the mirror long enough
my body will begin to feel like my own,
my face won't distort to a disfigured mess
i'll learn to love my long golden hair
my eyes that look like the earth from outer space
the soft jawline i've always hated
asymmetry embodied
maybe then i'll realize that even scribbles are beautiful too.
Nov 7, 2022
Nov 7, 2022 at 11:40 PM UTC
when i wrote about you
i wrote in floods of passion
tears dripping and smearing the ink on my pages
ruining the art i made all about you
just like you ruined me
Nov 7, 2022
Nov 7, 2022 at 11:29 PM UTC
i saw you in my dreams again
i saw your instagram with yellowed film pictures
pictures of you and your family and your dog
and pictures of me
of us
together
i thought i was over you
Feb 25, 2022
Feb 25, 2022 at 5:20 AM UTC
i've heard people say
"the one thing worse than sadness is indifference"
the people who say that
haven't spent the late nights
curled up sobbing on the bathroom floor
shuddering with each breath,
quietly screaming for strength
"oh god let me make it through tonight"
people who say that haven't played russian roulette
with themselves
gambling their lives for pieces of hope that may never show
people who say
that indifference is worse than sadness
couldn't be more wrong
i'd rather feel nothing than the weight of what i can't control crushing the life out of me
Jan 24, 2022
Jan 24, 2022 at 6:05 AM UTC