viktoria - Hello Poetry

The way your eyes crawl back to the same dream you put to sleep. Their faces don't matter but the way they hurt you hurts just the same. At dawn, you open your eyes but the dreamers are still holding your hand. He might fill you up each night but the hole still sits just below your sternum.

0

Jan 15, 2013

Jan 15, 2013 at 11:33 AM UTC

hole

The way your eyes crawl back to the same dream you put to sleep. Their faces don't matter but the way they hurt you hurts just the same. At dawn, you open your eyes but the dreamers are still holding your hand. He might fill you up each night but the hole still sits just below your sternum.

8

Insomnia is when the Stars keep you up because they're singing too loud. It's the ****** enigma of the ineptitude to suspend your consciousness. It's Gods gift to everyone but you, displacing them out of the realm of which you fear. It's how you discover that the monsters aren't under your bed, in your closet, or outside your bedroom door. You discover that they float in your bloodstream and sleep in the pit of your throat - and you can always find them in your reflection when you're brushing your teeth.

0

Nov 12, 2012

Nov 12, 2012 at 10:05 PM UTC

The Insomniacs Relpy

Insomnia is when the Stars keep you up because they're singing too loud. It's the ****** enigma of the ineptitude to suspend your consciousness. It's Gods gift to everyone but you, displacing them out of the realm of which you fear. It's how you discover that the monsters aren't under your bed, in your closet, or outside your bedroom door. You discover that they float in your bloodstream and sleep in the pit of your throat - and you can always find them in your reflection when you're brushing your teeth.

19

I was comfortable. Perfectly content, in my own little bubble - held up so high in your hands. I was warm and protected. I was safe. You looked in your hands and watched me dance and sing, you watched me laugh and play and enjoy life, surrounded by the glass wall of the bubble. But I was losing oxygen. I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating more and more, I was trying to get out... You began to play. Tossing the glass bubble up and down and from hand to hand - disrupting the peace. It made my stomach upset, like I was on this crazy roller coaster that didn't have an emergency stop button. And the butterflies in my tummy are going frantic and coming up my throat and it hurts. I was scared. Afraid of your anger - it came so quickly. Your thunder shook me from the inside out. I was a little girl. Hiding under the covers, shivering, afraid of the storm. Yes, you cared for me you cared tremendously for me, but you weren’t careful. You let me go. You pulled my out of my safe bubble, and I helplessly watched it fall and heard it shatter upon the floor. I was enclosed in your first and you let me slip through your strong grip. I wasn’t ready. You let me fall when I wasn’t ready to jump. And as I began to fall and fall fast, I desperately reached for something to hold – anything to grab on to but I wasn’t strong enough. And at times you reached back down for me and I held on tight. You hung me from your gentle fingertips, dangling me from above the broken glass. I was slipping away. You were lazy, bored, too tired of holding me up and as you let your gentle hand drop, I started falling again. Again and again and again. It all happened so fast and unexpected. I kept falling and I was falling too fast. I couldn’t slow down. I just kept falling. Falling until I hit the ground. And boy, did I hit it hard. Landing upon the broken glass that fell before me. I was numb. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. You let me fall when I wasn’t ready, you threw me back into the world alone – I just laid there in still silence in the pieces of the mess we made. I was lost. Cold, vulnerable, confused. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. I closed my eyes and isolated myself in the unconsciousness of sleep – of dreams. I stopped falling. But life didn’t stop. It flew right past me. People walked by, people stared. People asked, people tried to reach but I was running. I lived in my world of fantasy, of dreams and wishes, of lollipops and daisies and cute puppies that frolicked. I woke up. I slowly lifted my bruised and broken body from the cold ground, the air still moist from my tears, but I didn’t cry. I couldn’t. I surrounded myself with the people close to me. I moved through each day with them, I made sure to never be alone. I hid. I was hiding from the silence. I was running away from the silence in fear. Fear of being alone because that’s when it catches up to you and the pain finds you and latches on to every inch of your skin and ***** the life out of you. I was running in circles. Making myself dizzy and worn out but it would never stop chasing me. The pain, the hurt, the truth never stops following you until you face it. So I did. I looked straight into the eye of fear. And I began to heal. The process was slow but it progressed and gave me my strength back. My strength came up through the surface of my cold and broken body. The open wound was sewn together but the scares are still there. The barrier you once broke down was built back up again, this time stronger. And then you came back, reaching for me. I couldn’t. I couldn’t look at this helpless young creature that hurt me like this and turn my back on them. I ran back. I surrendered to you, I helplessly allow you to push me in circles and shove me to the ground. You continued to push me so low that I couldn’t feel anything again. I was numb again. Yet I ran back to what I had known for months. I was out of breath and I fell back into the place I found comfort and I was back standing in the pile of broken glass on the floor. I fell to my knees – I sat there in the midst of the mess and I frantically tried to clean it up but there was too much, I needed help. I looked to my left, my right, and all around me. I looked for the one who was supposed to always be by my side, who was supposed to help. I found myself alone - trying to put back together the pieces and fix what I didn’t break. I looked back down at the mess I was sitting in, and I saw my ****** arms and ****** hands and ****** fingertips. It was tearing me apart, cutting me deep. I was hurting myself trying to put it all back together – hurting myself more than I was fixing it. This isn’t my mess to clean – I can no longer hurt myself trying to fix what I didn’t break. I left the broken mess the way I found it, maybe even worse. I didn’t give up. I simply turned my back on what I learned I couldn’t help. I forced myself back to my feet and started to move forward. I dragged myself. I see the edge in the distance and I want to get there and you won’t let me. I’m trying to run, trying to escape but you won’t let me get away. But it’s not because you care, it’s not because you love me – you won’t let me go because you’re selfish. You want my comfort; you want me all to yourself that even I can’t have me. You want the faith of me never leaving. Well – I gave you my word, my promise. You chewed it up and spit it back out at me. But you want control. You’re trying to hold me in your tight grip and I’m starting to suffocate again. I want out – I want to breathe again. You’re finally pushing me closer and closer to the edge and I’m about to fall off. I’m scared again. I’m scared to stand on the edge and look back at all that I’ve known for so long. I’m scared to jump – and leave behind what I once found safe. It’s frightening and I’m building up the strength. I am ready. I am ready to turn my back on all I’ve ever known. I am ready to fall. Fall into the unknown. I am ready for the butterflies to flutter all about in my tummy as I fall fast again. I am ready for the thrill of not knowing where I am going to land. So push me. I am standing here, on the edge looking down, waiting for one last push.

0

Dec 5, 2011

Dec 5, 2011 at 12:47 AM UTC

painful comfort

I was comfortable. Perfectly content, in my own little bubble - held up so high in your hands. I was warm and protected. I was safe. You looked in your hands and watched me dance and sing, you watched me laugh and play and enjoy life, surrounded by the glass wall of the bubble. But I was losing oxygen. I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating more and more, I was trying to get out... You began to play. Tossing the glass bubble up and down and from hand to hand - disrupting the peace. It made my stomach upset, like I was on this crazy roller coaster that didn't have an emergency stop button. And the butterflies in my tummy are going frantic and coming up my throat and it hurts. I was scared. Afraid of your anger - it came so quickly. Your thunder shook me from the inside out. I was a little girl. Hiding under the covers, shivering, afraid of the storm. Yes, you cared for me you cared tremendously for me, but you weren’t careful. You let me go. You pulled my out of my safe bubble, and I helplessly watched it fall and heard it shatter upon the floor. I was enclosed in your first and you let me slip through your strong grip. I wasn’t ready. You let me fall when I wasn’t ready to jump. And as I began to fall and fall fast, I desperately reached for something to hold – anything to grab on to but I wasn’t strong enough. And at times you reached back down for me and I held on tight. You hung me from your gentle fingertips, dangling me from above the broken glass. I was slipping away. You were lazy, bored, too tired of holding me up and as you let your gentle hand drop, I started falling again. Again and again and again. It all happened so fast and unexpected. I kept falling and I was falling too fast. I couldn’t slow down. I just kept falling. Falling until I hit the ground. And boy, did I hit it hard. Landing upon the broken glass that fell before me. I was numb. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. You let me fall when I wasn’t ready, you threw me back into the world alone – I just laid there in still silence in the pieces of the mess we made. I was lost. Cold, vulnerable, confused. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. I closed my eyes and isolated myself in the unconsciousness of sleep – of dreams. I stopped falling. But life didn’t stop. It flew right past me. People walked by, people stared. People asked, people tried to reach but I was running. I lived in my world of fantasy, of dreams and wishes, of lollipops and daisies and cute puppies that frolicked. I woke up. I slowly lifted my bruised and broken body from the cold ground, the air still moist from my tears, but I didn’t cry. I couldn’t. I surrounded myself with the people close to me. I moved through each day with them, I made sure to never be alone. I hid. I was hiding from the silence. I was running away from the silence in fear. Fear of being alone because that’s when it catches up to you and the pain finds you and latches on to every inch of your skin and ***** the life out of you. I was running in circles. Making myself dizzy and worn out but it would never stop chasing me. The pain, the hurt, the truth never stops following you until you face it. So I did. I looked straight into the eye of fear. And I began to heal. The process was slow but it progressed and gave me my strength back. My strength came up through the surface of my cold and broken body. The open wound was sewn together but the scares are still there. The barrier you once broke down was built back up again, this time stronger. And then you came back, reaching for me. I couldn’t. I couldn’t look at this helpless young creature that hurt me like this and turn my back on them. I ran back. I surrendered to you, I helplessly allow you to push me in circles and shove me to the ground. You continued to push me so low that I couldn’t feel anything again. I was numb again. Yet I ran back to what I had known for months. I was out of breath and I fell back into the place I found comfort and I was back standing in the pile of broken glass on the floor. I fell to my knees – I sat there in the midst of the mess and I frantically tried to clean it up but there was too much, I needed help. I looked to my left, my right, and all around me. I looked for the one who was supposed to always be by my side, who was supposed to help. I found myself alone - trying to put back together the pieces and fix what I didn’t break. I looked back down at the mess I was sitting in, and I saw my ****** arms and ****** hands and ****** fingertips. It was tearing me apart, cutting me deep. I was hurting myself trying to put it all back together – hurting myself more than I was fixing it. This isn’t my mess to clean – I can no longer hurt myself trying to fix what I didn’t break. I left the broken mess the way I found it, maybe even worse. I didn’t give up. I simply turned my back on what I learned I couldn’t help. I forced myself back to my feet and started to move forward. I dragged myself. I see the edge in the distance and I want to get there and you won’t let me. I’m trying to run, trying to escape but you won’t let me get away. But it’s not because you care, it’s not because you love me – you won’t let me go because you’re selfish. You want my comfort; you want me all to yourself that even I can’t have me. You want the faith of me never leaving. Well – I gave you my word, my promise. You chewed it up and spit it back out at me. But you want control. You’re trying to hold me in your tight grip and I’m starting to suffocate again. I want out – I want to breathe again. You’re finally pushing me closer and closer to the edge and I’m about to fall off. I’m scared again. I’m scared to stand on the edge and look back at all that I’ve known for so long. I’m scared to jump – and leave behind what I once found safe. It’s frightening and I’m building up the strength. I am ready. I am ready to turn my back on all I’ve ever known. I am ready to fall. Fall into the unknown. I am ready for the butterflies to flutter all about in my tummy as I fall fast again. I am ready for the thrill of not knowing where I am going to land. So push me. I am standing here, on the edge looking down, waiting for one last push.

70

Eyes open toes are tingling. Under layers and layers of clothing and quilts my body still trembles. Get up, look out. the world is lost in white. White and grey. No birds sing a morning melody. No creatures scurry around. All sign of life, gone. Empty. Trees cold, bare, and scrawny. Their hunger aching for the sun. Beating hearts huddle together deep inside Earth's body for warmth. Waiting for the light to awaken them. Icy breath breathes down my neck, tremors shiver down my spine to my toes. I am exhausted form a sleepless slumber. Every inch of my body aches for warmth as it is draped in soft fleece blankets. I fold myself up in quilts yet my limbs still shake. The emptiness is unbearable, a block of ice deep in my gut. Emotions travel through my veins, trembling. I force myself to lift my hazy eyes up to look for one last time. As a hint of movement is heard through the naked twigs, a sparkle reflects off the snow, Earth beings to filled with life again and a bit of hope is found.

0

Dec 5, 2011

Dec 5, 2011 at 12:16 AM UTC

empty season

Eyes open toes are tingling. Under layers and layers of clothing and quilts my body still trembles. Get up, look out. the world is lost in white. White and grey. No birds sing a morning melody. No creatures scurry around. All sign of life, gone. Empty. Trees cold, bare, and scrawny. Their hunger aching for the sun. Beating hearts huddle together deep inside Earth's body for warmth. Waiting for the light to awaken them. Icy breath breathes down my neck, tremors shiver down my spine to my toes. I am exhausted form a sleepless slumber. Every inch of my body aches for warmth as it is draped in soft fleece blankets. I fold myself up in quilts yet my limbs still shake. The emptiness is unbearable, a block of ice deep in my gut. Emotions travel through my veins, trembling. I force myself to lift my hazy eyes up to look for one last time. As a hint of movement is heard through the naked twigs, a sparkle reflects off the snow, Earth beings to filled with life again and a bit of hope is found.

32

taste the tears of my scattered dreams dance in them, play. or sit back in your so called throne and watch me stumble my way through life tripping over my toes falling into the cracks in the sidewalk chewing bubble gum and blowing soap bubbles along the way, making a wish every time I catch one on my nose.

0

Dec 5, 2011

Dec 5, 2011 at 12:10 AM UTC

taste the tears

taste the tears of my scattered dreams dance in them, play. or sit back in your so called throne and watch me stumble my way through life tripping over my toes falling into the cracks in the sidewalk chewing bubble gum and blowing soap bubbles along the way, making a wish every time I catch one on my nose.

9

If it pleases you to play in the ashes from the love that you burn, light your fire. Ignite my bones. I'll rise up from the flame of the phoenix we created leaving the ashes we yearn to bathe in. Breathe me in, steal the wind from my left side conceal me from my own oxygen. Remind me how much i like the taste of air. Mismatch my insides and outsides when I inhale your bitter air because I can't find my own and trap me inside the strangeness of my existence because the careless mixture of of everything I want to know merely doesn't exist.

0

Dec 5, 2011

Dec 5, 2011 at 12:03 AM UTC

phoenix

If it pleases you to play in the ashes from the love that you burn, light your fire. Ignite my bones. I'll rise up from the flame of the phoenix we created leaving the ashes we yearn to bathe in. Breathe me in, steal the wind from my left side conceal me from my own oxygen. Remind me how much i like the taste of air. Mismatch my insides and outsides when I inhale your bitter air because I can't find my own and trap me inside the strangeness of my existence because the careless mixture of of everything I want to know merely doesn't exist.

13

the crickets have arthritis so we're stuck here in silence. no melody to lead us to our way no morning song to wake up the day. so the sun sleeps in for the first time in weeks and i wake up to darkness resting on my cheek. i untangle myself from under this blanket i turn to you and smile a soft whisper lost a cry that didn't make it. restless eyes fight the stupor through this obscure enigma. my mind’s overwhelmed my heart in a coma, I’m trying to sort myself out gather my words when a kiss, simplest of sparks turns into kinetic chaos launched to the basement of my heart. you stroke my face, a hidden tear you smudge i open my mouth to speak but you’re too quick to judge. so i bite my lip and lie next to you in silence, moonbeams highlighting the empty space inside us inside me. all because crickets have arthritis.

0

Aug 27, 2011

Aug 27, 2011 at 3:14 PM UTC

The Crickets Have Arthritis

the crickets have arthritis so we're stuck here in silence. no melody to lead us to our way no morning song to wake up the day. so the sun sleeps in for the first time in weeks and i wake up to darkness resting on my cheek. i untangle myself from under this blanket i turn to you and smile a soft whisper lost a cry that didn't make it. restless eyes fight the stupor through this obscure enigma. my mind’s overwhelmed my heart in a coma, I’m trying to sort myself out gather my words when a kiss, simplest of sparks turns into kinetic chaos launched to the basement of my heart. you stroke my face, a hidden tear you smudge i open my mouth to speak but you’re too quick to judge. so i bite my lip and lie next to you in silence, moonbeams highlighting the empty space inside us inside me. all because crickets have arthritis.

32

Sailboats race through the clouds leaving soft salty tears to tickle your ears as you descend into the abyss. When November takes his first breath and nibbles on your delicate skin, I hope the sun stretches her tender arms down to keep you safe as she rests above her kingdom. And when she swims across the sky to watch over me, the moon awaits you high above the heavens with eager eyes through open skies, abiding to catch your dreams. Remember to keep your helmet strapped tight while your wallpaper airplane carries you away. When you leave this part of the world don't forget to look down below as you float across the sky. For there I'll be Reaching though gentle fingertips and tiny toes waving you goodbye.

0

Aug 27, 2011

Aug 27, 2011 at 3:10 PM UTC

Untitled

Sailboats race through the clouds leaving soft salty tears to tickle your ears as you descend into the abyss. When November takes his first breath and nibbles on your delicate skin, I hope the sun stretches her tender arms down to keep you safe as she rests above her kingdom. And when she swims across the sky to watch over me, the moon awaits you high above the heavens with eager eyes through open skies, abiding to catch your dreams. Remember to keep your helmet strapped tight while your wallpaper airplane carries you away. When you leave this part of the world don't forget to look down below as you float across the sky. For there I'll be Reaching though gentle fingertips and tiny toes waving you goodbye.

23