I am a human being.
Sometimes I feel I have to
Reiterate
The fact
That I am human.
The other night I woke up
At three thirty four
To be exact.
From a nightmare
Of irrational fears,
And hallucinations.
I laid in bed
In fear
Of my own sanity.
Yet,
As I laid there,
Shaking,
I realized.
I was alone.
It was almost four in the morning,
And I had no one to call.
My best friend?
She has problems of her own.
My boyfriend?
In a different time zone,
Three thousand, seven hundred, and sixty-eight miles
From home.
I was completely,
And utterly,
Alone
With
My
Demon
Thoughts.
Feb 20, 2014
Feb 20, 2014 at 2:54 PM UTC
And I don’t know why
I feel so alone.
Here I’d thought I’d
Be right at home.
But instead I’m crying,
Lost in my mind.
My thoughts turning
To your devilish kind.
Friends who don’t care,
Of my greatest feats.
Why would it matter,
That I’m one of the elites?
I run, I perform, I work,
And I Dream.
But that doesn’t matter,
To any, it seems.
Instead I seclude,
Retreating to my room.
A forlorn look to
My friends with gloom.
I’m alone.
Unneeded. Unwanted.
And Unacknowledged.
Instead of being praised,
I’m being discouraged.
Why should I try to do so well,
When all I receive is a change in subject?
I thought maybe this year,
I’d earn some respect.
Yet, I cry, I sob,
I fall, I hurt.
Lost in the cowardly
Refusal to assert.
I accept that I’m alone,
Though it brings me to tears.
That’s all I’m good for,
Just another set of ears.
So leave me behind,
A pair of eyes in the dust;
It’s not like there’s anyone else
To trust.
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 10:43 AM UTC
As I sit,
In the room with these,
Savages of social activity,
I see how the system works.
It starts with the gossip,
Then the shaming,
Every snide comment at
Someone’s expense.
Then, back to
“Normal”
Conversation.
“Have you seen this video?”
“Oh, it’s hilarious.”
“Wait, who texted who?”
“She’s doing Him?”
“What are we having for lunch today?”
They speak as if insults are normal!
Ratchet
Loser
****
*******
*****
I really don’t want to
Hear this anymore.
Can you stop?
Or is your tiny brain
Programmed
To speak that way?
“Oh god,
Look at her.
She’s so,
Insert insult here.”
You’re all the same.
Different face,
Same brain.
You
Hipsters of the modern day
Can go jump,
Because your version of
Philosophy
Is matching underwear
And ******* your “friend’s”
boyfriend behind their back.
Do I want to sit with you?
No.
Why in the hell,
Did you even ask?
Aug 19, 2013
Aug 19, 2013 at 12:06 PM UTC
Denial.
The first stage of loss.
“No, they’re not gone.
Why would they be?
They’ll be home when
I get there,
Won’t they?”
Anger.
Two on our list.
“Don’t you dare tell me
That they aren’t here!
You know they are!
Shut up!
Stop!”
Bargaining.
Three.
“What if I had done
Something different?
What if I turned left
Instead of right?
What if...”
Depression.
Number four.
“Leave me alone.
No.
I really don’t
Want to
Talk
About it.”
Acceptance.
The last.
“It took so long,
But now I know
That they are
In a better place.
I have loved,
And lost.”
Aug 19, 2013
Aug 19, 2013 at 10:31 AM UTC
"I'm sorry."
No.
I don't think you are.
I tell you my pain,
Let you into my life,
And all you have to say,
Is "Sorry"?
No.
I don't think you are.
When I am sitting here,
Alone in my room,
Trying to cope,
Trying not to set the blame on me,
And all you can say,
Is "Sorry"?
No.
I don't think you are.
When my parents fight,
When money is tight,
When I try my hardest to put on a smile,
And all you can say,
Is "Sorry"?
No,
I don't think you are.
Aug 7, 2013
Aug 7, 2013 at 9:10 PM UTC
I rush outside;
Curses and shouts
Reach my ear.
****
******
Freak.
*****
I don’t know
Anything anymore.
These demons follow,
They tear at me,
And in the end,
I die.
Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 10:36 AM UTC
Today
Today I cried.
I tried,
But I couldn’t die.
Pills, pain,
Over, and over
And over again.
Now I’m stuck
In this white-walled hell.
Needles in my skin,
IVs in my veins,
Pumping liquids
And medicines;
Evil preservation of
The human cadaver.
Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 10:35 AM UTC
Dear me,
One day, you’ll see,
That a small meal makes a victory.
But until then,
Again and again,
You’ll keep purging,
And pinching,
And dreaming;
That one day,
You’ll be just as skinny,
As you wish you could be.
Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 10:34 AM UTC
A soul is calibrated to one’s self;
Nothing else can be as honed.
Although phantasmal in sense,
A spirit feels foreign
In a container unknown.
I was trapped,
Succumb to rigmarole,
Living a life that was not my own.
Fortune was not in my eyes;
A posthumous glare
Certainly shone.
I was deceived,
By he who I thought
Was known.
Although it seemed,
This body has grown,
On me,
A victim of con I was,
And I had become
Longing, and alone.
Mar 12, 2013
Mar 12, 2013 at 3:46 PM UTC
One
Single
Sentence,
Said off hand,
Yet,
It
Took
Hold,
Caressing,
No,
Smothering.
“Maybe,
You just weren’t
Paying
Much
Attention,
In the first place.”
“He
Obviously
Likes you.”
One
Single
Phrase,
Tearing away,
At
My
Heart.
“No, don’t be sorry.”
But obviously,
I
Should
Be.
The small scuffle,
Of
Our
Love.
“I love you.”
“I
Love
You
Too.”
Mar 12, 2013
Mar 12, 2013 at 3:45 PM UTC