My sweet baby. I prayed for you.
From the moment I could write I always wanted a girl.
The letters I would write started with;
Dear Gabby,
It’s Oct 15 and im peeing on a stick. It’s really as a joke but the longer the clock ticks to the end of the three minutes the thicker the second line gets.
Dear Gabby,
My beautiful baby girl. I found out your gender today. It’s what I’ve always prayed for. A mini me. I know it’s early but I’ve already picked out your middle name. Grace.
Dear Gabbi,
I’ve decided to spell your name gabbi. It means God is my strength in Hebrew. I’ve had so much morning sickness lately and all I want is hot Cheetos and sprite! I can’t wait to meet you baby.
Dear Gabbi,
I’ve always wanted you for so long but baby how can I protect you from him if I can’t even protect myself.
Dear gabbi,
Don’t worry sweetie mommy will figure it out. I’ve been taking pictures because I swear my stomach is already showing. My dad (your grandfather) is going to help us out.
Gabbi,
It’s Dec 21 and I’ve felt my first flutter kicks in the car. It’s almost as if you knew. I am so sorry baby. Mommy just couldn’t bring you into a world where evil was tied to you. I hate myself more than anything.
To my daughter I never knew,
It’s been a year since I found out I was going to be a mom. A year of mourning what could’ve been. Life has been lonely ever since you left and I dream of your face everyday. The evil is gone but he took part of my soul and you along with him. My sweet baby. The one I prayed for.
To my daughter I never knew.
Oct 11, 2023
Oct 11, 2023 at 1:55 AM UTC
I am
I am 5 yrs old making memories of waves crashing over my head and wondering why does mommy cry so much
why is mommy mean
I am 10 yrs old with my bestfriend in the whole wide world and hoping my dad will be outside to pick me up from school
why is daddy gone
I am 15 yrs old waiting for my crush to ask me to homecoming and realizing I’ll be a better parent than mine were
why couldn’t they make me normal
I am 21 years old dealing with the trauma from a man who hurt me to hurt himself and mourning a daughter I never knew
why will no one love me
I am 23 years old knowing why mommy cry’s and was mean, why daddy never was outside and was gone, why I thought I’d be a better parent and wasn’t normal, why I was mourning a stranger and no one would love me.
I am
Oct 11, 2023
Oct 11, 2023 at 1:21 AM UTC
his words were so comforting
you are my happiness
my love
my wife
he spoke so gently like words of honey
caressing my body
my heart
my soul
never leave me he says
and ill never leave you
his words were so infinite
you are so beautiful
gorgeous
dazzling
he spoke so confident like words of promise
touching our life
our future
our forever
I will only want you he says
you make me happy
Oct 9, 2022
Oct 9, 2022 at 12:47 AM UTC
i use the knife he got me for everything.
it lays in my bed in place of him when he’s gone.
i twirl it for him through the phone
i pose with it in the pictures he begs me for
i use the knife he got me for everything.
even as he drifts away I use the knife he got me for everything.
i look at as the moonlight hits it like a flash picture in the night.
i use it to practice different knife tricks so he’ll think I’m cool
i use the knife he got me for everything.
i use the knife he got me for everything now that he’s gone.
i hear it calling my name as a command in place of him calling my name with love
it cresses my body with prickly kisses where his lips used to trail.
it spills out crimson in place of the tears he caused when he left
it stays in the hand he used to hold when my body goes numb and cold.
I used the knife he got me for everything.
Sep 12, 2022
Sep 12, 2022 at 8:51 PM UTC
life hasn't been the same
since you left
I started selling pieces of myself
just to find that feeling you used to give me
I get close to every guy who reminds me of you
the way you laughed
cried
loved
but to them I'm only a body
****
nobody
and to me they'll never be you
Sep 14, 2021
Sep 14, 2021 at 12:16 AM UTC
I feel alone
forgotten
abused
unwanted
unloved
maybe I should have never said anything
if i said i wanted you back would you say yes?
or is it too late
or maybe i just don't wanna be alone
do you?
have you moved on?
i want the best for you
even though you never wished me the same
why can't what we had stay between us?
why was i so greedy for love?
for someone to love me?
be there for me?
i just wanna forget everything and disappear
because in the end
i will always be alone
forgotten
abused
unwanted
unloved
Nov 4, 2017
Nov 4, 2017 at 11:47 PM UTC
"He never loved me"
Never at all
Though he said those words over and over it didn't mean a thing
She told him over and over please don't leave my little life
Just tell me you love me
because love you is so different from I Love You
"He never loved me"
and when he left she had no energy for any tears
You see the energy she had put in for him was the last thing she had
"He never loved me"
Is what she said as she felt the warmth of her blood spilling on her leg
"He never loved me"
As she slowly drifted in and out till out was the end
The angel of death swoops in and wraps his arms around her
"He never loved me"
She tells death.
"No not at all"
She's now in a place were she waits for him to come
To come to a place where they will live forever
"He never loved me but I loved him"
Mar 12, 2017
Mar 12, 2017 at 11:55 AM UTC
Feelings are becoming hard to understand
With you I felt everything
When I was around you it was like a breath of fresh air
Now its like i'm slowly suffocating without you
Now that you have left
I don't know what I thought you saw in me when you said forever
Because forever just isn't forever
And I swear I knew that but as long as I was with you I didn't care
You were my life my soul my everything
So what do I do when your gone
Feelings are becoming hard to understand
Now that I dont feel a thing
The numbness I feel takes the place of you
What was I supposed to do?
When you left you took my real forever and left the empty promises of our forever
Mar 12, 2017
Mar 12, 2017 at 11:38 AM UTC
She felt herself f
a
l
l
i
n
g
deep into the dark
where NO ONE
could find her
all
alone
with no one to s
a
v
e
her
What. is hap
pening
to me?
soon alone NOT TO BE FOUnd
she felt a peace
r
ise in her
Is. THIS death ?
OR
MAYBE .JUST ANOTHER life
but SOON she was falling again-before she
left
she said one thing
maybe i’ll b
e
……
and THEn she was gone
Jan 30, 2015
Jan 30, 2015 at 3:42 PM UTC