I just want to be numb again. I just want to be numb again. I just want to be. I want to be. I don't want to be. I don't. I just. **** it. I don't want to be anymore. I don't. I don't. I want the easy way out. I want to chase life's exit door. I want to push and shove life's exit door. I want to exit. I want an exit. Please. I just want to leave. I've never been good at staying. I learned from my father. My biggest fear. I'm just like him. I want to leave. I need to leave. What's the point of staying? That's always been so foreign to me. What's it like to stay anyway? It doesn't matter though. I'm glad at leaving. Well not so good apparently because I've been trying to leave since I was a kid. Since middle school actually. I guess I'm exactly like my father. Always leaving but never man enough.
Aug 15, 2016
Aug 15, 2016 at 10:24 PM UTC
I'm free. I don't miss you anymore and I no longer have you in the form of the ache in my chest. It feels so good not to miss you. After ten months of hell, I came out alive. I don't regret the three years of life we shared, but I'm glad that all the agony is over. You don't know how good it feels to finally write about you without crying. You don't know how good it feels not to miss you, how good it feels to go the entire day without thinking about you. I had this constant hope that you would come back and that very hope ended up destroying me, but it's done; it's over. I can finally say your name without wincing. It feels so **** good to finally be free. You were my first love and you helped shape me into the woman I want to become, but it's a relief to have gotten through those dreadful ten months. You may never know the hurt you put me through, but I hope that you never come across such misery. I've decided to write my farewell so it can act as a symbol of ending a chapter I once hoped to never end. I have loved you with such intensity, and perhaps I always will, but I am no longer in love with you. It was not what I wanted at first, but it was what I had to do. I am thankful for the impact you made in my life. You came when I needed you most. I cherish what we had, but it is time to bid you goodbye. I will always wish you nothing but happiness and, as cliche as this sounds, you will always have a special place in my heart. Thank you for the love you gave and thank you for the pain you (unintentionally) caused. I have loved you, Christophe Andrew Brandon Rithmisto, but it's time I don't.
Aug 27, 2015
Aug 27, 2015 at 1:09 AM UTC
I will love you through the pain.
I will love you through the silence.
I will love you even across galaxies.
But to what cost?
How destroyed do I have to be for you to come back?
How drunk do I have to get until the hole in my chest disappears?
How high do I have to get until you're lost in the smoke?
But even then,
I will love you through the pain.
I will love you through the silence.
I will love you even across galaxies.
But shouldn't it have gotten easier?
Shouldn't I have been able to hear our songs without crying?
Shouldn't I have been able to hear your name without wincing?
Shouldn't I have been okay after eleven months of one sided conversations?
But even then,
I will love you through my pain.
I will love you despite your silence.
I will love you even across the galaxies placed between us.
I will love you because I do not know how to stop.
Jul 31, 2015
Jul 31, 2015 at 1:23 AM UTC
8 months have passed and I still miss you. It's getting easier though. Our song played today and I didn't cry. Should I be worried?
Jun 15, 2015
Jun 15, 2015 at 12:43 AM UTC
I'm still missing you. I often wonder if I miss you because I really do or because that's what I've become accustomed to. It's all I've done for 8 months. Maybe missing you is my hobby. Maybe it's time I do something else.
Jun 11, 2015
Jun 11, 2015 at 3:10 AM UTC
Let the ocean be your metaphor.
Let the waves symbolize your nature.
There's still so much more to you than we know.
The depths of your soul are what I want to explore.
There's just so much majesty within your shores.
May 14, 2015
May 14, 2015 at 11:50 PM UTC
Your skies don't have to be so grey. Your lips shouldn't tremble the way the clouds do every time they're about to give way. Darling, you don't have to be so lonesome anymore.
May 14, 2015
May 14, 2015 at 11:41 PM UTC
One sided conversations cause you won't reply but it's been six months of silence so I guess that's fine
Apr 23, 2015
Apr 23, 2015 at 1:20 AM UTC
Message sent. Message sent. Message sent.
Frustration begins to rise and desperation begins to reek.
You can scroll up or you can scroll down, but all you'll find is one sided conversations.
Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 2:51 PM UTC
You always thought you weren't worth it, but I always knew you were.
Apr 6, 2015
Apr 6, 2015 at 7:10 PM UTC