that's all this life with you has brought me.
bitter disappointment.
I used to look up to you,
believe in you.
they say the only man a girl can trust is her dad,
so what am I left with?
how can I trust the man who's only left me with a hole in my heart?
I can only look up to the sky and ask God for help.
Aug 8, 2017
Aug 8, 2017 at 1:08 PM UTC
There are days where I allow myself to miss you.
I let my heart open up to the days that our love was the strongest,
And I allow myself to miss it.
I have to.
When it all gets too much it's like I'm a wooden wall holding back a tsunami.
I let myself cry, just enough for it to be okay.
Sometimes I miss you.
Sometimes I wish I could see you,
Or hear from you.
But it's only sometimes.
Because in the midst of the few happy memories,
There are still those that haunt me.
Those memories are what keep me strong enough.
Once upon a time I loved you.
Now that love is only a lesson.
A lesson about what love should not feel like.
So when I feel like I want to miss you,
I remember what it's like to be happy now that I'm alone.
I remember what it's like to be free.
To breathe.
Aug 7, 2017
Aug 7, 2017 at 12:19 AM UTC
The revival of my heart was not merely due to the kindness and love of another;
The revival of my heart came when I finally discovered how to love myself and rip away the things, people, who were tearing away at my soul.
Your revival should feel this way.
Like you're so high and no one can bring you down.
Like you can follow your dreams and not feel like you're being pulled back.
Like you can breathe in the fresh air around you and finally see the beauty in the life around you.
Like you can finally trust yourself and love again.
My revival feels like that.
Finally, I'm free and it's no thanks to anyone but myself.
Finally, I am falling in love with someone who deserves it.
Finally, I love myself and am following my dreams.
Finally, I feel alive.
Jun 26, 2017
Jun 26, 2017 at 4:21 AM UTC
"everything's okay,"
I say to myself.
when my life is full of people,
people who give me love,
attention,
everything's okay.
I feel full,
hopeful.
I never let myself feel the pain that slithers like a snake and wraps itself around my heart.
the minute I'm alone,
I feel the tendrils of darkness begin to enclose around me.
suffocating me
leaving me with nothing
not even a shred of light
and sometimes,
just sometimes,
it's enough to want to make me disappear forever
even though there's not much of me left
May 7, 2017
May 7, 2017 at 9:32 PM UTC
Take a step back girl.
You're way too close to fall over the edge.
Not again.
Distance yourself
A million miles away from the danger ahead.
You're surrounded
by legions of demons
Ready to take you
As soon as you fall.
As soon as you get
Too close.
Apr 30, 2017
Apr 30, 2017 at 2:07 AM UTC
Here I am again sitting in bed wide eyed at 12:44 am.
Thinking, thinking
How did I let this go so far?
How could I have let someone have so much power over me to the point where I look back...
and don't even recognize myself.
Who was that girl who wrote those posts from years ago?
So blinded by love so poisonous it haunts her to this day.
Love so toxic it still irritates the skin.
But I'd like to thank you for getting me here where I am today.
I can see what was wrong with my life now that I'm no longer blinded by your tricks.
But most of all thank you for ruining the romantic part of me.
The part that let people in so easily.
I still feel remnants of your poison in my blood and it's enough to bring me to my knees in fear.
Fear of falling in love.
But, you have taught me that love is also weakness so in a way, thank you.
Four years
I made a fool of myself.
Four years
I chased after your love.
Four years
I never got it.
Four years later
Turns out I don't need it.
So Thank you
For setting me
Free.
Mar 29, 2017
Mar 29, 2017 at 1:52 AM UTC
The love I have for you
Is the strongest you could ever have.
You see,
I waited what seemed like an eternity
For you to come around to love me.
Even when you played my heart,
Just like you play the piano,
I still was there for you.
Call me stupid if you'd like.
But to this day,
I don't feel like the love you have for me
Is equal to the love I have for you.
You see mine is stronger,
Deeper,
True,
And the most fair.
But all you've taught me is
Love is unfair.
And I'll never have someone love me the way I love you.
Tell me if that's fair.
Oct 31, 2015
Oct 31, 2015 at 12:02 AM UTC
The absence of you,
Is so noticeable in the house,
You could say it's the elephant in the room.
The joy you brought with your laughter echoes soundlessly in our ears as only the ghost of it is left to hear.
The awkwardness that was so tangible in you still leaves me feeling awkward at times.
I still imagine you out there in Oklahoma as you were two years ago.
Should you have stayed there?
Would you still be here if you hadn't come back?
So many questions no one will ever have the answers for.
I miss you're breathtaking hugs that could probably crack someone's ribs if they weren't prepared for it.
I miss the scent of your cologne as you prepared for dates with women that never deserved you unwavering attention.
They can all go to hell.
I miss watching cartoons with you and YouTube videos and just laughing together.
I miss playing Borderlands with you.
I can't play it anymore because I have no idea what's going on and I never did; I always followed your lead.
You were my hero in many ways.
You were there for me when mom and dad yelled at me for not eating my food.
You'd come to my rescue and bring me zebra cakes.
You were there after the many heartbreaks I suffered.
Why aren't you here for the biggest of them all?
I miss you so much.
You were the best brother I could have asked for.
Now it's just me and Stacey.
You're little sisters still needed you.
Why did you have to go?
Oct 20, 2015
Oct 20, 2015 at 12:43 AM UTC
To every story, there's an ending.
To every fairy tale, there's a happily ever after.
To our story, there's just pain
Anger
Tears
Betrayal
That was us.
Me and my one true love.
Our story could move hearts.
But it's ending only shattered mine.
"Goodbye my lover.
You have been the one for me."
Aug 16, 2015
Aug 16, 2015 at 1:45 AM UTC
From it's caged heart the bird will sing
Reality makes it fall back into silence
Even though it has everything
Even everything is not what it thought it would be
~
Making the most of its life it will always sing
Even though it's heart will forever be anything but free
Jun 28, 2015
Jun 28, 2015 at 12:21 AM UTC