there was something about heartbreak
that just aged her
physically, it showed in the
creases in the corner of her
eyes — smile lines
and sometimes,
she would look at
the back of her hand
and see unfamiliar veins,
small splatters of freckles,
and wrinkles that were
never there before
emotionally, she felt
the retardation of her responses
to emotional stimuli
her laughter to a joke lagged,
the tears came late,
sometimes they
never came at all
but she felt it most
spiritually,
suddenly came the realization
and the feeling of her
seven past lives
weighing her own soul down
who knew it would take
one heartbreak to
unearth the pain
of past love?
lifting many years’ worth of
heartbreak and hurt
in every thing she did,
she grew so tired that
at night,
instead of resisting
sleep paralysis,
she’d have evening tea
with the sleep demon,
cackling loudly at the
gossip exchanged
Jan 21, 2019
Jan 21, 2019 at 11:14 AM UTC
here she goes again,
a devotee on her knees
at the peak of the full moon,
past midnight yet
way before witching hour
it’s the third time that month
that the girl kneels before Her,
weeping at the altar of Aphrodite,
feeling the full weight of past loves
on her fragile spine,
almost as heavy as the past lives
she was forced to carry through her youth
she was so young,
but her lamentations rang
millenniums before her
oh, Aphrodite
she wept
how many more innocent roses
do i rob of blooming?
how many more candles
left burning?
how many more full moons
do i watch waning?
the words overlapped in
deafening incoherence
but the clarity of pain
rang above the noise
of mumbled syllables
it was clear enough
that Aphrodite –
the cold goddess –
wept a tear
for She has allowed
this girl’s heart
the sweetness of infatuation,
only to drown that out
with the inevitability of disenchantment
Jan 27, 2018
Jan 27, 2018 at 3:16 AM UTC
i’ve always wondered how you were made,
not in the shallow, human concept
of Conception and Birth
more on how you were
really Made
frankly, i have no idea but
i do have a fine guess
i envision a goddess
dressed in a robe made of
stardust and ****** tears,
resting upon the crescent moon
as she watched over humanity
for some reason,
she loved your mother
very much
she watched her through
lovers, heartbreaks, hardships
she wept
whenever your mother cried,
and made constellations
whenever she smiled
she loved your mother so much
that she gave the gift of You
made with the same material
as the stars, as the full moon,
as the gems she buried
beneath our earth
and i guess
the goddess loved me too
because she gave me
the miracle of meeting you
Jan 27, 2018
Jan 27, 2018 at 3:05 AM UTC
they say that everything around us,
all the beautiful things –
the dainty flowers that scatter the earth,
the light of the sun crashing against tall trees,
the mysteries of the depth of the ocean,
the soft hum of the strong wind,
the stars that are so surreal that
I still have a hard time comprehending
how something so magnificent could possibly exist
in the very universe I am in–
are created by one god
but when i look at you,
i just stop and think
****
a million gods must have made you
Jan 27, 2018
Jan 27, 2018 at 2:59 AM UTC
a painting of
Mother and Child
with heavier influences
of a pieta;
for in this one,
the mother holds her child
dead in her arms
but it is no grown Messiah –
it’s a drugged up teenager,
supposedly deserving
to be the centerpiece
of a demented madonna
Jan 27, 2018
Jan 27, 2018 at 2:55 AM UTC
this is what La Sol wants us to see:
the image of the Ninita,
dressed in a white linen dress,
eyes squinting as the
orange rays hit her caramel eyes
fingers covered in the
viscosity of the mango
she was devouring
but it was the dim of La Luna
that showed us who Ninita really is:
eyes squinting as the
red fluorescent hit her painted eyes,
fingers reaching for
the dirt of gold,
oh the pains of being Devoured
Jan 27, 2018
Jan 27, 2018 at 2:54 AM UTC
you loved me
yet we didn’t work out
you loved me
but we never lasted
you loved me
and it was what made
the end so painful
you loved me
and i’m sorry that
i could not love you
as much as i would like to
tell you my excuses,
i would not because
i know that after all this ****
it’s not what you want to hear
and i know you want me to say that
at some point in our time together
i loved you too,
even if it was just a bit
but then,
i would be lying
i’m sorry for us to end like this
and i’m sorry if i seem harsh;
i just want to stop lying to you
even if it’s a little too late
because this letter is not to
make me nor you feel better,
it’s about the truth
and this is the truth
i was lenient and unappreciative
and i was (and am)
a fool for not making you feel loved
when all you did was love me
but then again,
you loved me too much
and gave all of your heart
to someone who didn’t want it
in the first place,
without realizing
that you needed it
to live
and i’m sorry you had to wonder
all this time about my feelings
that it led you to the point
where you plucked all your petals
and ended up with nothing
i hope one day
someone would love you
as much as you loved me,
love you so much
that you’d never pick off
your petals in a
guessing game of love,
so much that you’d
always have fresh roses
Mar 18, 2017
Mar 18, 2017 at 5:26 AM UTC
do you remember how we decided
to write our fate on the constellations,
how each end met each end with
no spaces between them
i was mistaken to think
that these bonds would last for eternities
because now, i’m met by the truth
and it’s telling me that
the images of our constellations have faded
my stars make up another image from yours,
they no longer flow together like
a seamless blanket over the sky
it is as if you’re attempting to
defy the laws of physics by
trying not to gravitate toward me
but no matter how far you get,
no matter how weak my pull may seem
i still feel the laws of attraction working
because you’re still pulling me to you
and i don’t know what to do
i’ve tried not to notice you anymore
but how could i when no star
could outshine you,
no comet could shoot as fast
as you made my heart beat,
when none of the phases of the moon
could compare to your face?
it’s incredulous to think that in a universe
as large and vast and encompassing as ours,
where there are several earth-like planets
and identical galaxies and similar asteroids
and possibly tens of billions of life forms,
that there could only be one you
it’s unfair how you could be
so special to me whilst
i seem to be replaceable to you
nevertheless
one day, i hope you find
some new stars for you to bind with
and i know that no matter how much
shooting stars i wish upon,
i’d never be a part of your galaxy again
Mar 18, 2017
Mar 18, 2017 at 5:24 AM UTC
to the first girl i loved;
it still pains me to refer to you as that - the girl i loved first. i feel like so much pain lies in a single phrase; it's such a thing of the past yet there's something so infinite about it
there are so many things i wish i knew from the start like how a simple string of words like the first ones of this letter could hollow me out even more,
like how the pain of you leaving me was so indescribable yet so vivid and striking,
like how love can be so fulfilling yet be so incredibly, indefinitely, and intensely emptying,
like how hard it is to relearn how to sleep, and that when i do learn it, relearn the art of not dreaming about you,
however, i felt like there was something so inevitable about us that it was too obvious to ignore
there is no denying that between two lovers, there will always be one who ends up giving too much, emptying themselves to fill the other, the one who ends up loving more
i knew from the start that i was going to be the one who ended up losing my heart to a girl who wouldn't let me into hers
i'm sorry i expected, i'm sorry i gave you something you never really wanted
________
to you;
i'm sorry that i can't bring myself to reply to your letters
it's not that i'm selfish or that i'm ignoring you; i just don't want to inflict you more pain when pain was all i ever gave to you
it is true, i guess, that you loved me more but i'm sorry you're left with that mindset. i wish i could tell you that one day, you'd find your equilibrium and that i'm sorry it wasn't me.
Aug 8, 2016
Aug 8, 2016 at 12:51 PM UTC
i am so small,
devoured by
my depression
if i were a flower,
i'd be shrivelled,
on the brink
of being nothing
but soil and dirt
and one day,
i met a boy
who promised
to water me
i promised him
that if he did,
i would grow
and he watered me
day after day,
showered me
abundantly
everyday,
i'd tell him
that i am better,
i have grown
taller
but he'd grab
my wrist,
measure me
with the ruler
i've created
on my arm
and see that
i've remained
small and
have gotten
even smaller
he cried and
showered me
with the love in
his salt tears
he cried to me
telling me that
he feared the day
that i would shrink
into nothing,
into death
he watered me
more than before
and his water
was too much
i was flooded,
drowning in
the water
that was supposed
to give me life
Feb 17, 2015
Feb 17, 2015 at 8:11 AM UTC