I was the anomaly.
the reason she couldn’t have
a white picket fence,
two kids with straight a’s,
a loving husband.
I was the reason
life kept going to ****
Feb 10, 2022
Feb 10, 2022 at 5:19 PM UTC
really hot days
remind me of my home
the one across the sea
with mangos ripe on the vine
and yellowed grass
if I close my eyes,
i can almost taste the dust in the air
feel the warm embrace of my family members
that i miss so dearly
smell the petrichor off the hot cement floor after a fresh monsoon rain
time zones apart feel like worlds apart
and they are
when your family is dying
and there is no way to comfort your aunt
because her husband is taking his last breaths
there was no chance for her to say goodbye
to her father, to her husband,
both lay in hospitals
continents apart
isolated, but not unloved
both gone, not even a month apart
the borders have been closed for i don’t even know how long
there is no physical way for us, let alone her own children, to be present
all we do is wait
most of my memories are spent on
drinking chai on the veranda
or dancing in the rain with Papa
playing holi with pails of water mixed with “gulal” and water pistols.
seeing the smiles of all my family members,
together once again.
really hot days
remind me of my home
smoke from the wildfires mimics the smog in the air
the sun - a red ball in the grey sky
if i shut my eyes real tight
i can still get a glimpse of us on the rooftop, celebrating life.
Jan 7, 2022
Jan 7, 2022 at 11:15 PM UTC
You can not wish someone into existence.
You can not hope or pray or cry
someone into something they are not.
You can not sit there and wait for eternity,
For a glimpse,
Even just a glimmer,
Of who they used to be.
Before their demons capsized them.
The life raft splintered.
They floundered (alone)
Sunk to the bottom of their desires.
You can not scream or shout or talk someone into change.
To put down
the bottle, the needle, the blade,
You can not force someone into abstinence.
You can not beg for sobriety.
All you can do is;
Pack you bags,
Change your number
Get on a plane,
Let your mom and dad know your safe,
and
Run.
Jun 13, 2021
Jun 13, 2021 at 9:48 PM UTC
He has constellations on his back
A galaxy of freckles and moles.
They map out our journey,
Star-crossed lovers forever.
He talks about the night sky.
Black holes and satellites and Jupiter’s various moons.
Awe glows on his face
His eyes dance.
Stardust covers every inch of him.
He speaks in theoretics and “what if’s”
A nebula waiting -
He does not realize,
He is the universe
The universe is him.
Jan 4, 2021
Jan 4, 2021 at 1:54 AM UTC
When I talk about you
People always say to me
“At least he wasn’t the one that got away”
But you are.
Oct 31, 2020
Oct 31, 2020 at 9:41 PM UTC
Sometimes
The only thing keeping us alive
Is who will find our body
At the end of it
Sep 17, 2020
Sep 17, 2020 at 3:30 AM UTC
My body still searches for you
In a sea of bedsheets and stuffed animals.
I try to mimic the warmth of your arms around me.
I, once again, fail miserably...
Just like I did when you packed up and left.
My hands sleepily clasp at nothingness.
I am half asleep,
Just at the stage before waking up,
Desperately trying to find any semblance of you.
I was always told my insomnia was the reason for my lack of rest.
But what do we call it when I can not fall asleep without you beside me?
May 21, 2020
May 21, 2020 at 3:03 AM UTC
Do you want to **** yourself,
or are you just bored?
Apr 25, 2020
Apr 25, 2020 at 4:57 AM UTC
A half burnt smoke never tastes the same
As an un-lit cigarette.
It’s the same with love.
We can never tumble back in time to;
Happy nights nuzzling in bed,
Clandestine kisses on the dock at midnight,
Drinking in glorious sunsets and city lights.
As if we could ever pretend that the world was perfect.
We can never dance back into;
Long car rides to Victoria,
Drunk laughs in the rain,
Late night cuddles on the couch
Playing video games to our hearts content.
In all honesty, I don’t need to live in the past
I like smoking full cigarettes to make them last.
Apr 15, 2020
Apr 15, 2020 at 8:55 PM UTC