opened my heart once
after keeping everything in
years and years
filled to the brim
and now i'm spilled, entirely
maybe nobody
can be fully prepared
when the cracks in my heart
can no longer bear
all of its weight
the dam finally breaks
and i am the flood that drowns them
i am spilled, entirely
you see
victims of a flood
have the choice to leave
and i will be left here, still
caught in all the debris
spilled, entirely
Feb 25, 2024
Feb 25, 2024 at 8:18 AM UTC
one of my biggest fears,
the thing that i dare not touch—
hope
and yet, somehow
my fists are bloodied,
my grip bruising
i did deign to hope
held it between my hands:
the fragility of wanting
do not let them see me
here, vulnerable, soft
on my knees
praying or begging,
i may not know
all i know is this:
i have found hope
and it is cruel to me
but i am not letting go
Dec 31, 2023
Dec 31, 2023 at 12:48 PM UTC
it is tiring
always carrying
the world on your shoulders
tell me
honestly
how can you breathe
drowning in your sea of sadness
how long will it take
for you to see
the sun never rises
because you stay in your darkness
because you've only discovered
it is easier to be angry
than it is to be hurt
how does it feel now
realizing the heaviness in you
is what's weighing you down
because it is tiring
always carrying
what you think is the world on your shoulders
lay it all down
let it all go
Dec 2, 2023
Dec 2, 2023 at 3:14 PM UTC
i have the terrible gift of foresight
seeing the future before it happens
the ability to bend time
when i look closely in the mirror
you know what they always say
'with great power, comes great responsibility'
but my power is destructive
i have already built ruins
before the foundation is laid
it is a terrible habit
sneaking glances at the ending
i would have gone blind
stopping everything from changing
hindsight offers no comfort
when i already know the end
i've seen it myself
because i played a hand in it
Dec 2, 2023
Dec 2, 2023 at 2:36 PM UTC
No other thing in this uncertain world
Tastes sweeter and surer
Than your name on my lips
A grace, undeserved
Bestowed upon me
For all the times you've held me
And I do not know what I did
In this life, or another
To be blessed by the heavens
Unsure if I was chosen somehow
Or by some stroke of luck
Came out from misfortunes
Given the sweetest grace
I am still somehow in doubt
If I am worthy
But deemed so by your touch
Igniting everything in me
And I am alive, living finally
Maybe it is true
That mercy changes you
Because now I have been renewed
And if this is a mistake
Against the world and all of nature
Then it is one I am willing to make
You have been named after fate
But in my mind
I call you sweeter things
You say that you cannot see it
And maybe so, maybe it is me
Because lately I have been realizing
I am the one who is lucky
Sep 2, 2022
Sep 2, 2022 at 1:54 PM UTC
here i am again
reaching for hands
i am commanded not to hold
dreaming of just
a whisper of your touch
and again i ache
a hollow space in your shape
haunting everywhere i go
i try not to search for you
dreading my impending doom
the moment i catch
even a glimpse of your ghost
mocking my mortality
and yet possessing all of me
and god help me
because i cannot help it
a willing captive
fully at your mercy
and i am afraid for my being
because even ensnared
i wish not to escape you
blinded by your light
i mistake you for heaven
i am waiting at your gates
saying all the prayers
begging you will bless me
with an eternity of your love
if only i were worthy
and here i weep
because what use is all this
i see you and i sigh
keep myself at arm's length
because it is not enough
and it will always be like this
i'm too much of a romantic
to see things clearly
Apr 17, 2022
Apr 17, 2022 at 10:03 AM UTC
do you remember when we talked
about the capacity of our hearts
how it can be bigger
than our own bodies
capable of swallowing
entire galaxies
like a sun
exploding, burning
devouring everything
in its wake
when we wondered, desperately
where to keep all this love
inside of us
threatening to spill
everywhere
anywhere it could go
if it had a place to stay
and welcome it home
when we recounted histories
of loves lost and found
of foolishness and folly
of hearts breaking
with the magnitude of earthquakes
shattering into the debris
of our memories
only resurfacing if
they are dug up
with tender hands
when revelations were spoken
recognizing all the mistakes
naming all of the hurt
one by one
and saying,
"i've known you"
and it is beautiful
all of it, the whole of it
some sort of sobriety
after what feels like a lifetime
under the drunken influence
of our hearts
in another universe
there would be versions
of ourselves
who have chosen
to be content.
but here,
here
our hearts are bigger
than our bodies
and they can break
with the magnitude of earthquakes
and in our stubbornness
we will choose to hurt,
to ache, to yearn
and yet
we will always dive heart-first.
Oct 5, 2021
Oct 5, 2021 at 8:51 AM UTC
i'm beginning to think i'm more hurt than i've allowed myself to feel.
Oct 10, 2020
Oct 10, 2020 at 2:08 PM UTC
there seems to be no words anymore.
whether beautiful or painful,
they have all become a blur—
smudged ink on paper.
what feels like my own handwriting
i can no longer recognize.
when did i write this?
poetry—
i used to believe
was what saved me.
but what happens
when i run out of words?
and yet still remember
how "love" was spelled so similarly
to your name
that i could never have told
the difference?
i cannot hold a pen anymore
without wishing
it was your hand in its place.
but it's empty,
this page.
and yet,
somehow—
i'm still bled dry in the end.
Oct 10, 2020
Oct 10, 2020 at 1:58 PM UTC
i have saved a place
for you in my heart
and it may need
a bit of dusting
because my heart
was never clean
and it has long since
been empty
the day you walked away
but please know
that i have saved a place
for you in my heart
tell me when you're ready
because if i'm honest
you've been welcome
from the start
Jul 9, 2020
Jul 9, 2020 at 2:08 PM UTC