If you were there, I would have not bit the dust
If you were there, everything would have been okay
If you were there, then life would not ****
If you were there, I would not be alone here
If you were here, I’d smile
If you were here, there would be sunshine
If you were here, they wouldn’t be
If you were here, the ridicule would stop
If you were here, there would be no need to cry
If I didn’t cry, they wouldn’t know that I hurt
If I didn’t cry, no one would mock me
If I didn’t cry, my heart would burst from my chest
If I didn’t cry, I would disintegrate right at your feet
If I didn't cry, nothing would matter
If nothing mattered, life would be so much easier
If nothing mattered, my hurt would stop
If nothing mattered, my heart would stop bleeding
If nothing mattered, my life would not be shattering on the floor
If nothing mattered, you would still be by my side…
Oct 6, 2012
Oct 6, 2012 at 2:41 AM UTC
Falling…
I was falling.
It was blurry and Dark.
Reaching for the edges, your hand was there.
I grabbed a hold as you were pulled back…
The love in your eyes tore the sadness from my soul and bathed me in a warm light.
You rescued my dying heart
Restored the light in my dull, saddened eyes
Reaching down, you grasped me tight
Holding on for both our lives
Then it was there
The darkened barrier that split us apart
Slicing my heart in half
The blade neither of us saw coming
The very same blade that cut out my heart and ate it for breakfast
I gave up hope
I continued plummeting towards the dark abyss hurtling towards me
I hit the bottom
Broke every bone in my body, but still I wouldn't die
Waiting for someone to finish me off I pictured you
But no image gave you justice
No memories absolved my heart’s yearning
Every breath was a struggle
Till the fight was no longer worth the trouble
With eyes closed I waited for Death
Death scooped me up and held me close
Death kissed my lips and I opened my eyes
You stared back at me as I numbly touched your face
Alive
Again you brought back the sun
You are my light
You carried me off, back to the light of day
Away from my fears
Away from my doubt
You loved me strong and fell asleep with me tight
One question was on my mind
How
Your reply was a simple one.
“I couldn't let Death be holding my woman.”
I looked deep in your eyes and you kissed me again,
Whispering against my ear,
“Because I love you.”
Oct 6, 2012
Oct 6, 2012 at 2:31 AM UTC
Riding on the swell
Of the rising pain in my body
I catch one glimpse of your face
I am lonely
I am confused
I am hurt
You are gone
You have been taken
You are in the comfort of your home
And I am abandoned
Alone in this world of hurt
A world full of creatures born and bred to cause strife
To harm
To ****
To make each other bleed
I am riding this swell
Of ever rising agony
Trying to extract the shrapnel of a shattered heart
Out of my splintering organs
Bleeding to death is an option
There is not any point in being here
Alone
By myself
No one to love
No one to be loved by
This turmoil of emotions gives me not a reprieve,
But a mind numbing truth
This is the end
The end of Us
Therefore the end of me
The end of Me
Nothing matters in this ocean of never healing brokenness
The one place where the searing heat of your gaze
Cannot reach me
Where I most need it to
The one place where your touch
Brings no respite
When I need the comfort of your embrace
The place where Your memory haunts me
It haunts me when I need to use it as a buoy
To save my life
This is the ocean in which the smell of you
Cannot wash the tainted waters of my hurt, from my lungs
In this ocean of utter and complete despair
Your kiss cannot put the breath back into my body
My love, my life, you have become the death of me
Oct 6, 2012
Oct 6, 2012 at 2:27 AM UTC
Wonderful, glorious, Stars
The Stars in my eyes
Reflecting my love
Love she stole
Love that was not hers to take
She stole it
Grabbing my heart, my love
Ripping it to shreds because of a mistake.
Trust?
For fools.
Love?
No longer mine.
Stars?
Black holes ******* the abyss of where my heart was
******* it back into myself
Filling my soul with shards of glass
My Stars have gone
Disappeared
Transformed to the malicious Holes
Holes that obliterate any light
My Star was taken
My love frozen by the Black Hole
Sep 15, 2012
Sep 15, 2012 at 1:52 AM UTC
As I close my eyes a single image is brought forth
Your smiling face is branded into my mind
From so many years ago
The last smile that was imparted from your lips and carried on by your features
The last smile that I could smile back to
None could take the pain away like you
None could compare to the relief that came from your smile
And you
Not even knowing the effect that you bring forth
Having no insight to my mind
The mind and heart that yearned for you, wanting to reach out and take your hand and never let go
Smiled on
Then the time for staring and hoping for your smile to land forever on me ended
Until that moment when you took the leap, the chance
After so many years you smile again
Knowing it is my doing, I smile too
Nothing can take away this smile
Nothing in the world
An unstoppable force would be stopped
The sea would stand still
Volcanoes would not dare to erupt
All would be silent
The wolves would stop baying
The winds would cease to weave around the world
Every living thing would find their heart broken
The heart of the one you love would stop beating
If anything were to separate us
But...
Nothing can
Nothing will
Your smile rescues me and chases away these thoughts
Distance now means the most closeness later
Your smile rescues me
For Dan- I love you Danny
Jul 2, 2012
Jul 2, 2012 at 11:53 PM UTC
Crossing my mind like a bitter taste
You infiltrate the better workings of my thought process
Imbedding a sick idea
One that compels me to do things
Things no sane person would ever consider
Touching my skin like a slimy algae covered stick
You tempt me and beguile me
With sick twisted fantasies
Scenes where terribly gruesome acts accompany mixed feelings
Breathing on me like a fat gorilla
You disgustingly grasp and ***** my limbs
Making my stomach churn with bile
But you never see this
Your sick ideas
Your twisted fantasies
Your disgusting groping
All build a fire inside
Not one borne of passion
But born of loathing
Your actions have been dealt with
Your person thrown in the hell of all hells
Yet new ideas form
New fantasies form
As sick and twisted as ever
Each one with you as the center star
These have changed
You are the star
You are the spectacle
The spectacle strapped to the chair
The ****** beaten spectacle that begs for my mercy
As I deliver you blow for blow what you dealt me
All I can imagine
All I can fantasize
The only thing that keeps me alive
That keeps this heart beating
Is the delicious thought of you dead
Six feet below the ground
Cold and rotting with no one to miss you
Jun 16, 2012
Jun 16, 2012 at 11:44 PM UTC
So far away from her
But right there in her mind
Miles away... always miles away...
Bitter divisions come between them
Trying to pry them apart
Sending every obstacle
To rip them from each others embraces
Nothing changes between them
even as they are miles away... always miles away
He lays in bed remembering the feel of her hair on his skin
The man Thinks about the distance between them
She's miles away... she's always miles away
They're always miles away
The bitter divisions still impede upon their relationship
trying, desperately, to cause a rift
But they are miles away.
The miles between make the reunion sweeter
She cries and he screams
Only wanting each other...
But they are miles away.... always miles away
In the end... the endless miles **** them both
But they died and soared through the sky in each others arms
Jun 16, 2012
Jun 16, 2012 at 4:15 PM UTC
Red...
It burns like a flame in my chest
Devouring all other emotion
But still accompanied by tears
Massacring any other thoughts I can conceive
Break. Smash. Destroy. Scream. Cry.
The only actions that can satisfy the red fury..
The red flame that refuses to be doused
Pain lances my chest, tearing up any resistance to not causing myself more pain
The impact of my knuckles on the wall jolts me from my stupor
...But not out of my rage
Decimating everything the red rage burns through
Through my consciousness
Through my barriers
Mindless words tumble from my throat
Ripped free of my mouth
Flung out like the red lava exploding from the maw of a volcano
Nothing can satisfy the volcano alive within me
Nothing can suppress the anger
The hurt
The sadness
The slits on her wrists gush deep crimson blood
Pooling around her feet
My feet
Running down her arms
My arms
Red refuses to leave, consuming me
All is hopeless as Red drains my life
Jun 16, 2012
Jun 16, 2012 at 3:18 PM UTC