Strange how sanity
looks so very different
from the outside
Oct 9, 2015
Oct 9, 2015 at 2:05 PM UTC
There was a child once
full of barely hidden laughter and mischief
emotions endlessly poured out and back in
like a tide tasting a new shore for the first time
Where is that child i wonder
there was a traveler once
thirsting for the experience and life seen all around
headfirst diving into the world accepting
fearing nothing and witnessed with wide eyes
where is that traveler i wonder
there was a husband once
overflowing with found shining love
joy swamping easily the baseless fear of loss
proven in horrible perfection in a moment
where is that husband i wonder
there was a father once
completely enamored of a tiny squalling form
filled with a something that could not be defined
until it was gone drained and replaced with horror
where is that father i wonder
there was a lover once
coupled a shy temerity with a respectful tenderness
opening to possible love as a flower to sun
bruised and rejected on occasion though ever hopeful
where is that lover i wonder
there was a soldier once
who stood up with passion for those who could not
heart on the sleeve and thunder on the brow
viewing the world as a problem to be fixed
where is that soldier i wonder
there was a fighter once
who smiled sadly as he fought and killed in the name of money
laughing at the jokes his companions made in desperate tones
as they hid the slowly acidic thoughtful fear of being the bad guys
where is that fighter i wonder
there was a man once
betrayed and broken by this world and his choices
looking back across the memories that swirl and sift
ashes and dust that are all the remains of a once laughing child
and i don't need wonder where that man is.
Sep 16, 2015
Sep 16, 2015 at 10:01 AM UTC
Affection is
a place of warmth and safety
where joy and fun collide
in an idea of future
Love is
unremitting emotion erupting
boiling flames of possible pain
a wondrous burning heat
Fear is
knowing you'll die alone and forgotten
discovered as a corpse years later
when neighbours complain about the mail
Joy is
being lost in a single moment
the unexpected laugh of being alive
a passing radiant smile
Depression is
a black tar bog
dragging you down
where even screams are drowned
Loneliness is
the unfortunate idea that
if i don't smile now
i won't get another chance
Happiness is
finding that memory
that will make me laugh
no matter the situation
Horror is
waking from my dreams
to find they're not real
and having to face this world
Self loathing is
the constant critique
and lists of all my faults
running through my head
Relief is
knowing it is only a few hours
i can sleep again
and lose myself in dreaming
Frustration is
when my head hits the pillow
and eyes drift close
but the mind will not let go
Strength is
waking up a normal unremarkable person
seeing all the pain the day will bring
and trying to make sure someone else will smile
Hope is
that there is someone out there
that i might meet today
that can make me smile
Bravery is
looking in the mirror standing tall
to brace my shoulders against this life
and making sure i make someone laugh today.
Aug 22, 2015
Aug 22, 2015 at 11:13 AM UTC
Spine on earth to see
sunlight watching back at me
lives and loves are fleeting
as breeze through unfurled leaves
a trunk may scar in storm
to heal and grow toward life
a tree never dies
whispers in the wind
even though it falls
to feeds growth anew
as joy must breed sorrow
peace born from war
to suffer is to live
for it is not life.
Aug 9, 2015
Aug 9, 2015 at 8:39 AM UTC
And here you see the forlorn man
facing backwards along his span of years
critiquing each time of neglect
confronting past decisions with a sneer
lamenting the decades of regret
should have been more
could have been better
held on too tight with grasping claw
let go that which he ignored
mistakes strangling forward thought
so trapped and caught at last
before the end already stopped
endlessly cycling through the past
standing stationary on the road of life
face down in mud on the verge
screaming at others, not this way!
ignored perhaps pitied
if thought of at all
even in his own mind
for he is forlorn.
Aug 3, 2015
Aug 3, 2015 at 11:56 PM UTC
Walking wandering waiting watched
aimless within a maze of desire and fear
can't let go can't let go can't let go
won't survive to allow someone in
walls stretching to the sky ever building
as foundation shakes and crumbles
wings torn and tattered fly and fall in but one direction
Bending begging bleeding broken
gripped by certainty and fore knowing
can't hold on can't hold on can't hold on
nothing remains to sacrifice for
empty shell beneath painted mask
burning for reflection be become reality
face cracked and flaking
echoes bounce endless
Fighting fleeing falling failed
last gasp escapes twisted prison
can't get up can't get up can't get up
useless scrabble of crippled fingers
a coarse rejection in abject denial
for respite for a chance for a life
movement fades no more mask
a grimace replaced with a smile
And empty eyes stare forever.
Jul 22, 2015
Jul 22, 2015 at 4:20 AM UTC
Screaming for freedom in virulent anger
hoping anothers control will hold us back
dying of thirst surrounded by water
stubbornness set in the shaking of heads
somebody told us, somebody knows
who this was the crowd doesn't care
the strength of numbers is that of invisibility
if all are responsible none of us are
give us safety they cry in desperate denial
punish the bad ones and leave us alone
give others the orders tell them what to do
though leave me alone as i'm ever so good!
let there be laws to hold me in comfort
build up some walls for it's us against them
did i break a law in stagnated laziness?
there is a good excuse, a valid exception
crying and whining for protection from others
unwilling to see we are all one
for we are humans
and the cake must be had
only if we can eat it as well.
Jun 7, 2015
Jun 7, 2015 at 6:21 PM UTC
Why cannot here be peace
on this many colored world there could be
where the circles of pain and hate
burn ever moving into victims
freezing hearts from loving movement
to the stillness of the never born
the unsmiling grip of payment
where shrieking heard cry
they owe for what they did
though righteously deny the fee that comes
breathing vilely above ignorant heads
feeding of words that know no better
cursed to echo what went before
for the circle only knows this
here past is the future
there future the past
and without breaking the endless spinning
change shan't be able
we all cry for a hero to change our ways
though to step forward is too much
though when they come
as one treat them as have been treated
and expect them to be better
hope they will be better
beg them to be better
while we tear them screaming
down to equality
in the dark and pain
from where escape only exists
in the fragmented dream of peace.
Jun 6, 2015
Jun 6, 2015 at 1:24 AM UTC
The goats were wrong
the grass never changes
the building up of hope and dreams
creates the need
for fulfillment
when the curtain is drawn
the show has finished
was it successful in its goal
or fall short leaving
avid disappointment
May 15, 2015
May 15, 2015 at 1:34 AM UTC