what to do when you’re ugly but have good chemistry
1. think about all the good talks
2. find him in the crowd
3. watch him find you in a crowd and perhaps snicker
4. lick elbow to elbow (if he allows)
5. walk behind him hoping he’ll hear the carefully placed quiet footsteps you’ve laid out
6. smile dearly when you don’t completely hear him
7. love him even after a clear disappointment
8. stop searching for him
9. cry about it talk about it laugh about it
10. it’s you you are okay and you were okay even before
11. it’s okay for him to like you and not say and it’s okay for him to not like you and say
12. find out results (probs by day forty)
13. don’t **** yourself figuring it out
Sep 10, 2024
Sep 10, 2024 at 3:55 PM UTC
To have a body is so strange.
And to know each curve, and hate each one
hurts.
She doesn't love who I am.
It makes me so mad that I can't like the people I like because of the way I look.
If I looked at the stars with her I wouldn't really notice them because I'd be concentrating on the way my fat rolls over my skirt and how to be witty and hilarious but also pose in an attractive way.
I can't see in the dark and neither can you.
Maybe I need someone with night vision, someone unreal.
But this universe we’ve built where we know each other- past friends… will never again exist.
Sep 9, 2024
Sep 9, 2024 at 9:11 PM UTC
A simple beach bikini And my life is over They seem to see how my chest hangs over my stomach And how my stomach hangs over my pants Since I wear them to so low Drinks! My friends eyes looked into by the dj She’s so pretty isn’t she Isn’t she Isn’t she ISN’T SHE Swim down my neck for a chance at possible pleasure Belief is a spectrum I wish to someday not notice others Damaging to an everyday ego if you happen to catch on
Tap on the shoulder Tap on the shoulder for a beautiful girl Gracious turn and a glorious bite of the lip I’m flawed I should be pleased she can **** Isn’t that much Twenty years old Birthday last week Can’t claim a kiss Can’t claim a touch I should’ve come over I should’ve come over But you frightened me WHY DID YOU FRIGHTEN ME If I had gotten there and looked like this Looked this way Could the door be shut and the front light turned off Chop off my ear and give it to my father He only gets one Drop off half my brain while you’re at it Overhead He’d be sickened by the gently anxious hopeful yet dehumanizing drunkly thought upon thoughts in the club On top of my friend and the dj
Sobs exiting the bottom of my bedroom door “I just don’t have anything to wear” Speciality suits me Texas is where you’re from Lovely boy who found his way into my locker If he had known I’d probably not care so much about that bikini I never got my fathers nose And yet And yet I wish for his hope.
Sep 5, 2024
Sep 5, 2024 at 6:33 PM UTC
I've always believed boys were best I started counting first kisses collecting them I’d have enough tickets to buy a brand new stuffed giraffe at the arcade I curled my face loosely over the toilet bowl sobs of empathy and hurt attached themselves to scrambled eggs I find it,,, I find it amusing that body keeps the score
I remember the scent of my brother’s football jersey how my mother washed it every night I’m treated like a man its this mad little crisis I asked boy to borrow his jeans he was mortified why would he ever want to look like me we never spoke about the jeans again maybe we would have if I had to tie a little shoelace around the waistband
I don't wish to be held and whispered to I look inside him speaking to the butler I’ve never had that this thing he spoke about without difficulty was a matter so unfamiliar I tumble in dreams trying to succeed in touch
please touch me touch me,,, if you want … no one wakes up thinking of me it may remain that way for a considerable time I am not looking for a kiss I’m looking to have what the others have a hand held on the subway Could that feel normal to me… ever… ever touch me I’ll cry maybe melt maybe crawl out that I am no one to someone I thought I was this special creation your special creation is there possible room for my belief no ones washing my football jersey.
Sep 5, 2024
Sep 5, 2024 at 2:17 AM UTC
Your father written all over you And I don't even know you yet Let's participate in a high-speed chase to the swimming pool And pretend my chest stayed in my triangle bikini Washed yesterday! I’m wearing a bikini In front of a boy I've only touched the finger tips of
On accident I could pose and POSE and pose With every lick of a mollar Through all my years of fiction I've never gnawed on the open house As I tap dance across the breakfast table And eat ice cream from your hand Which is totally absurd and completely senseless
And somehow quite redundant
I've had a dream about this
I've had a
And you're in your boxers And I’m not spiteful I don’t look like you
I’d do again
Would you- ?
I’ll leave in 15
Sep 4, 2024
Sep 4, 2024 at 3:02 AM UTC
To the emotionally estranged,
I’ve never known what was good for me All I’ve ever known was how to tie my shoes and binge eat captain crunch You place your finger tips all over my stomach Padding each piece of lymph Do you ever want to curl like those little pillbugs? It seems like I haven’t seen one of those since you watched me eat dirt, and grass, and I’ve perhaps tried a dandelion But I don’t think you knew I’ve tied your shoes before My big tooth fell out on the driveway We searched for a minute, maybe two I tasted blood in my mouth for the first time It was like the early smell of gasoline I appreciated it And I said so I walked down the steps and turned the corner Your eyes lit up to see the seven year old wearing tights, long socks, a dress underneath a sweater and a thrifted vest, as well as a lost fedora found in the attic I pulled down the decrepit stairs and you heard the whine of bothered steps yelling up the stairs “what are you doing” Feathered Fedora shall be lost again The school’s Saint Patricks leprechaun stole it Or so you say to avoid the bi polar of it all The hospital was a new thing for me You took me, I sat silent in the passenger seat We played the radio (we never played the radio) I didn’t know if I should’ve apologized or something for having premarital *** But I don’t think it would’ve bothered you too much You’d be glad a boy liked me! Well, he didn’t like me like that I don’t know why he chose me that ***** ****** night You bought me a sweater from Michaels afterwards, it said something like “I believe in unicorns and Santa” It was on sale since it was January I won’t let you hold me, and how it needles you Wake I sang at her wake An Adele original I did it for me And you But also me Everyone’s tears dried by the time we reached the restaurant I wonder how they fixed the smash in her head while eating eggplant parm Mortisions are magical Some crimes I’ll never forget Asked why I don’t talk to him or text or call or like We will sit in this diner and recline in the giant booth that’s too big for the fragility of your body You pray for me Stop praying for me I take up much time I don't have the right virtues for all that Don’t overindulge in god Track me home at two am Make sure I’m safe I’ll keep tying your shoes, at the graduation, at the barbeque, at the talent show anywhere I’d fly home to tie your shoes if you asked me to if you wanted me to if you'd let me-
With a sort of deteriorating eternal love,
Angel
Sep 4, 2024
Sep 4, 2024 at 2:39 AM UTC