I'm so sorry if
most of this
doesn't come out
how I want it to.
But it's almost been a year
and I so need you to hear
what I'm feeling,
so here goes nothing.
You know you're always in my head
and I could always go to church,
but you deserve my confession instead.
I never want another pair of hands to hold me
like you hold me.
And I don't ever want to laugh
the way I do with with you
with someone new.
I want the stupid fights
and sleepless nights
where we just stay up talking about nothing,
because to me that's everything.
Because to me, you are everything.
I want to share your bed
where we can both share what's in our head.
And make a home that's just for us,
God I need you to hear all this because
I love you more than anything
and no matter what tomorrow brings,
I'll still love you
more than anything.
Feb 20, 2021
Feb 20, 2021 at 12:00 PM UTC
Lucky in love was never something
I considered myself,
before you.
Even when I spent two years
engaged to someone
who I thought was "the one".
Even when I swore I
couldn't live without
my first boyfriend.
And then came you.
Suddenly, everyone I thought I
had ever loved just
disappeared.
Because there you were,
making something click in
my heart.
A switch turning on a spotlight.
A sigh of relief.
It was just you,
exactly how you are.
Somehow I think it was
always you.
Feb 16, 2021
Feb 16, 2021 at 1:18 PM UTC
If I were a poet,
I could eloquently tell you
just how much
you mean to me.
Not with big, fancy words,
but beautiful ones,
the kind that would
perfectly describe you.
If I were a poet,
I could publish your worth.
Late night coffee shop walls
would sing their love for you,
and strangers would bond
over your perfection.
If I were a poet,
the world would see you
exactly as I see you,
and I'll fall in love
over and over again,
as many times
as you're read.
Dec 29, 2020
Dec 29, 2020 at 7:10 PM UTC
I used to be stupid.
I would cash in my
pride like arcade tickets,
only able to pick from
the cheapest of prizes.
Selling my dignity on the weekends
like a reoccurring flea market.
Never made a dime and
more was taken
than I ever had
to offer, but ****
I sure had his attention
so I figured I'd stay broke.
It wasn't until after I
had become his preferred
choice of currency
that I realized how
broke I was.
But you can't take somebody
to court and demand they
return what they stole
from you
when you know the judge
won't find any evidence.
I stayed silent
when my case was thrown out
and my request for a
restraining order against my feelings
was denied.
So **** it, I fired my lawyer
and defended myself.
I never needed a courtroom
to settle things anyway.
It was a quiet victory,
but I hope to god
it was screaming in your head.
Dec 27, 2020
Dec 27, 2020 at 9:55 PM UTC
Like the tides need the moon,
I need you so naturally.
A flower cannot bloom without sunlight
and water,
and you broke through the clouds
above my head,
became a waterfall.
You are the warmth of late spring
when you hold me.
A cool rain on a hot summer day
when you kiss me.
The first breath of the air of a crisp fall morning
when I look at you.
You are my perfect day
every day.
My very own piece of natures' raw beauty,
and God, how beautiful you are.
Aug 14, 2020
Aug 14, 2020 at 10:19 PM UTC
The first time I said the words
"I love you",
was not the first time I told you I loved you.
The very first time
was when you had come home from work.
I didn't hear from you
for a couple of hours.
Not entirely unusual, but you know me,
I'm a worrier.
You finally texted me and after a brief exchange of words,
you asked me to call you.
Of course I did without hesitation; calling you had become
my favorite part of every day.
You told me you had been crying.
Really crying.
I remember the feeling in my stomach,
the immediate urge to run to where
you were,
to wage a war against whatever it was
that had caused you that much pain.
To hold you.
Verbally, I've never been good with words.
I wanted to say so much.
I could have said it then.
After a drawn out pause, I told you
"I want to take care of you".
Maybe you knew,
maybe you didn't.
I think my heart knew before I did
that I loved you.
But I meant it then, more than anything.
Still do.
Jul 22, 2020
Jul 22, 2020 at 9:31 PM UTC
4:30 a.m.
I wake up to a text.
She says "I miss you".
Heart says "I miss you more than anything".
Pride goes back to sleep.
Heart opens the text again at 11, then 2,
then 8 at night.
Pride responds the next day.
Pride says "I hope you're well."
Heart says "I want to see you. I want to be us again."
Pride slowly starts to remove you
from all my social media.
Heart keeps the cards you gave me,
and the ring.
Pride keeps them in a box hidden
under my bed.
Pride stops talking about you.
Heart aches to hear from you
so I have a reason to
talk about you.
Pride makes a face at the
word "love".
Heart wants to know real love.
Heart pleads with
wanting hands for affection,
for attention.
Pride locks Heart in a
steel cage for
protection, for
my safety.
Pride says, "This is for your own good".
Heart weeps.
Pride is worn on my sleeve,
pulled down to
cover the bracelet you gave me.
Pride says, "This is good enough".
Apr 8, 2020
Apr 8, 2020 at 8:43 PM UTC
I breathe you in
like smoke.
You settle in my lungs,
my veins,
my soul.
I touch you
and I see things
no one else has seen.
You raise your feathered wings
and wrap me
in ecstasy.
You wipe away the rust
that covers me
from years spent living
in my own rain.
Every kiss is never
enough.
Every look is always too
short.
You've brought down the Heavens
and made a home for just us.
I pick the feathers from my hair
and make a crown fit for a Queen.
I will spend the rest of my life
learning to fly
by your side.
Oct 18, 2019
Oct 18, 2019 at 8:04 PM UTC
Ugly is
safe.
Ugly is
not getting whistled at
on the street.
Ugly is
being ignored by
the wandering hands
of the drunk man
next to me on
his bar stool.
Ugly is
"yeah, she's a really great friend,
but not really girlfriend material".
Ugly is
5 a.m. tears and
7 a.m. bloodshot eyes.
Ugly is
quiet and
small.
Never speaking up.
Desperate for
the worst kind of attention.
Ugly is
loving you
and hating
myself.
Sep 2, 2019
Sep 2, 2019 at 9:21 PM UTC
Fat.
The word falls from your lips
like venom.
I know your throat burns every time
you say it.
I see the tears you try to brush off.
Fat.
Because what could be worse, right?
You could be mean,
or selfish,
or violent.
But no, you had to be
Fat.
If only you knew the years I've spent
learning to love every single inch of me,
teaching myself that "fat" is not a
curse word.
Years spent undoing long nights
that I've stayed awake,
sobbing,
praying to every god I knew
that I could wake up and be
skinny.
You tell me I am beautiful.
You promise me
that you have eyes for
no one else.
But I know your eyes lust for
thin.
May 31, 2019
May 31, 2019 at 8:19 PM UTC