I settle on a seat distant from the world and my life
Here I observe the souls of those overcome with strife
Settling on a bench sheltered with fallen flowers
from the shivers of trees recovering from nighttime terrors
Red plaid shorts damp beneath me
A book sprawled open on my lap watching with pure envy
as my eyes trace a phrase my mind is quickly trapped in
"its the truth even if it didn't happen"
I experience the sun blaze its rays down onto my thighs
Drawing crimson marks with my nails, I analyze
There's a strange sense of comfort in the burning sensation
The fear of not knowing what to expect consumes my self isolation
The unknown lingers in my mind, crimson now engrossed
I can always trust that the sunlight will never stop sizzling sunburnt skin
So instead of cursing the pain, I find it sublime
for it is the most secure I've felt in a long time
Dec 6, 2023
Dec 6, 2023 at 9:53 AM UTC
sometimes being with him feels like im drowning
waves in my stomach crashing
the tides rise and fall in my chest
cause of death: i was obsessed
wept too many tears
caused myself to drown in a planet of my own fears
Dec 6, 2023
Dec 6, 2023 at 9:33 AM UTC
Girl is alone
Girl stays up hours imagining what her future husband acts like
And how life may be with him
Girl meets boy
Girl creates his personality in her mind
Wonders what she can take from him
Girl sets her standards so high up boy can’t reach
So Girl gets bored and moves on
Her mind is a factory working to craft the perfect man
Nothing is right
Until
Girl meets girl
Spends hours talking to girl
Girl would never want to change anything about girl
When the world falls apart around them
Everything is okay
When Girl loves girl
May 29, 2022
May 29, 2022 at 2:11 PM UTC
i feel like im playing an intense game
of mental tennis
in my mind
i serve
"i think i might be a lesbian"
the ball comes hurling back twice as hard
i didnt expect it
"you cant be a lesb*an, your family would completely reject you"
i miss
15 love
they serve
"youve had crushes on boys before"
I hit
"but i only liked the boy i made up in my mind, he was a silhouette of a boy who had feminine qualities"
they hit back
"you have to like boys. its whats right"
30 love
I forfeit
May 24, 2022
May 24, 2022 at 9:33 PM UTC
I'm grateful for my mind
But most of the time I wish I could think like everyone else
Not having to always feel the need to be more mature
or look at the bright side of things
Everyone tells me I'm "mature for my age"
So I keep exhausting myself
Wishing I could cut the rope to the tug of war competition in my head
The back and forth of wanting to wallow with the moon but knowing that sunshine will wash away the worry
I want to live without being concerned about what my future self will think of me
I want to be a selfish ignorant teen
But I care too much about how I am perceived to others
And I need adult validation to function
Apr 12, 2022
Apr 12, 2022 at 10:03 PM UTC
I choose an area where I can watch from afar
Sit on a bench covered in the clouds light tears from the morning
My red plaid shorts damp beneath me
A book sprawled on my lap, eyes tracing the outline of the sentence I can't stop re reading
"it's the truth even if it didn't happen"
I experience the sun blazing down on my thighs
I trace the red marks on my strawberry skin with my nails
Finding a strange sense of comfort in the burning sensation
A sense of knowing that no matter what
One can always expect the sun to burn
I don't like the thought of not knowing what to expect
the isolation in the unknown
I can trust that the sun will never stop sizzling my skin
And although it hurts, it's the safest I've felt in a while
Apr 12, 2022
Apr 12, 2022 at 9:43 PM UTC
There she sat in front of me with her red lipstick on and a smile that showed off her pearly white teeth that always seemed to light up a room
but something was off
Was it the sweetness I felt, disappearing when I looked at her?
Only the tingling on my tongue after eating too many sour candies was left as I saw her smile slowly curve down each day I saw her
She had a lot of sour moments now that I look back.
I miss the fresh peppermint laughs we shared
what's left now is a silhouette
a wrapper of what we could have been
and now as I sit here looking through her
I begin to crack from the way she makes me feel
She doesn't know
She'll never know about the red stripes she left on me
can a shattered candy cane be put back together?
it might seem impossible
some parts may be lost
but with some time
I'll be back on my feet again
and she'll move on to someone sweeter
maybe a gumdrop this time
Without losing her
I would never have found my marshmallows friends who I know I can always fall back on their soft embrace
They will be there supporting me till my expiration date
Feb 19, 2021
Feb 19, 2021 at 12:24 PM UTC
There she sat in front of me with her beautiful smile that always seemed to light up the room
but somethings missing
Is it the sweetness I felt when I looked at her
or the fresh peppermint laughs we shared
now as I sit here
I shatter from the way she makes me feel
She doesn't know
She'll never know about the red stripes she left on me
can a shattered candy cane be put back together?
it might seem impossible
some parts may be lost
but with some time
I'll be back on my feet again
and she'll move on to someone sweeter
maybe a gumdrop this time
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019 at 9:44 PM UTC
I'm an idiot for not realizing how much I loved you
and now I'm too late
May 28, 2019
May 28, 2019 at 6:27 PM UTC
Clock strikes midnight and I’m ready to leave
Never really could stay in the same place for more than nine months
Growing up
I was a zebra in a room full of lions
Still am
With long spider legs
And birthmarks sprinkled around my face and body
My big beautiful dad hands
Shy personality
I stick out like a sore thumb
Living a lonely little kid life
I learned to love
I don’t want others to feel the way I did
Instead of floating around my brothers who treated me like a ghost
I went off to play with my mom
Failed once again
packed my bags and moved onto my cat
She hissed and scratched
I cried
No one wanted me
I searched for my people
Looking high and low
Using everyone else’s personality but my own
I found them for a while
Until the wind whistled
And decided it’s time to blew them away
Jumping from person to person
Finding good in them
I was told I was wrong
So I kept to myself and became the sad girl no one wants to be friends with
Rolling her eyes and dismissing everything people say
Wondering in the corner
Why people don’t like her
I’m ready to leave
Trapped inside five years of the same cycle
I’m ready to shed my skin
Leave my old life behind
And start fresh
I’m not afraid of the future
For me, change is like water
I don’t drink as much as I want to
But I’ll die without it.
Mar 13, 2019
Mar 13, 2019 at 9:03 PM UTC