I have a lot of love to give to you,
but I am scared my love will suffocate you.
How am I supposed to love you gently
when I cannot love myself?
All the unhealed scars wake me up late at night.
All the scream, the chase, and the dead.
All the blood, sweat, and tears.
All of it just to prove that my love is sick and twisted.
Like the past that still haunting me.
People always say
you cannot love anyone if you cannot love yourself
But what if some part of me
the unwanted, the hard to love, the liability
Want to love you dearly
Want to prove that I am capable of loving you
Even when I cannot love myself.
I love you
I know I do
I know it is selfish
I know it
We both know it
but I cannot help myself to stop loving you
I love you
but my love will hurt you.
I love you
and my love will bring you harm.
So I keep it all to myself.
So it can no longer hurt you.
Jan 28
Jan 28, 2026 at 11:18 AM UTC
What are you?
They asked.
I am who I am.
I answered.
But you are very difference from us.
They pointed out.
Yes, I know.
I admitted.
You are queer and weird.
They said.
Yes, I am queer, and I am weird but nothing wrong with me!
I shouted back.
They were kids and so was I.
Why the world is so cruel to me?
I am different.
I am queer.
But nothing wrong with that.
NOTHING WRONG WITH ME
FOR BEING WHO I AM
I am not what they defined me.
I am who I am, and I am queer.
Jul 1, 2025
Jul 1, 2025 at 12:55 PM UTC
Just forgive him
He is too old now
She said
We do not know how many days he has left
I can forgive him, and so can you
She said
But momma—
We are not the same, don’t we?
You can forgive him for the sake of your late mother.
But I am not.
I am who I am.
I forgave him too many times.
I forgave him for my whole life—
For you sake
And your belief in karma.
But there is a limit to what I can forgive him.
Don’t you think?
That your righteousness killing me slowly?
Don’t you know I forgave him before?
Momma, I am not as forgiving and loving as you.
The man who was supposed to protect me, you, and your momma.
He was, is, and will still be the evil of the story I told.
Momma!
See!
Me—the only plant you ever grow
Grow with
The hatred that was nourished by your venom.
Ha! Ma!
You see it now?
This plant is never growing in ecstasy like you expected
But Momma, don’t you ever worry about it.
It will grow as it should be— bruised and broken.
The plant of forgiveness is what I am supposed to be.
But I cannot be what you want me to be
So I ended up being the plant of resentment.
Jun 9, 2025
Jun 9, 2025 at 6:35 AM UTC
Crush are the sounds of my heart—
When you are tearing it apart.
Crush are the sounds of my tear—
When you are not being near.
Crush are the sounds of my voice—
When you said I am here just to fill the void.
How could you love me?
Is this just an act of kindness?
When someone who should love me
Only love me if I am being good enough for them?
Am I good enough for your love?
Am I worth your love, time, and kindness?
Darling I—
Who are you?
How could you love me?
Someone that broken beyond repair?
Can you see it now?
The despair I hold on to myself
Like the sound of someone crush the wildflower beneath their foot with hatred.
Crush
May 11, 2025
May 11, 2025 at 12:13 AM UTC
I will be back.
She spoke.
Where have you been?
Where did you go?
I wonder.
Mommy, where is my sister?
Daddy, when is she coming back home?
I asked.
Do you know my sister?
She has a name.
I can’t remember it!
What does she look like?
The officers asked.
I’m sorry
I can’t remember
her pretty face.
But she’s kind and sweet— the
best sister on earth!
She said she went to work.
But she never comes back home.
Can I stay with you? I’m scared
you going to leave me
Like she did.
Hey! Sister!
You said you went to work!
Why did it take you so long?
Why is your pulse not beating anymore?
Why your skin looks pale?
Why are you laying there
In that scary chamber?
Mar 6, 2025
Mar 6, 2025 at 10:30 AM UTC
Please stay
even you do not love me anymore.
Please stay
because your presence eases my pain.
Please stay
till the day I can love myself.
Please stay
for me
a little bit longer
even my love is too much to bear.
Please my love
Just stay
Stay with me
Stay.
Mar 6, 2025
Mar 6, 2025 at 10:22 AM UTC
I am a stray dog.
I am little and hungry.
I am little and angry at the world.
I am scared and fragile.
Where did my mother go?
Mother, I am hungry.
Mother, I am scared.
Mother, I am cold.
Mother, where did you go?
Mother, have you abandoned me?
Mother, please help me.
Mother, please come back.
Mother, I am hungry.
Mother, I am scared.
Mother, I am cold.
Mother, they're chasing me.
Mother, they're hitting me.
Mother, mother, mother.
I am hurt. I am scared. I am fragile.
Oh, mother, to be loved, to be seen, to be heard, to be
treated the way I deserved.
Oh, mother, they give me food!
Oh, mother, I am full for the first time in my life!
Oh, mother, why is my belly hurting?
Oh, mother, why is my lung fuming?
Oh, mother, why is my breath waving?
Oh, mother, why I cannot see anymore?
Oh, mother, the same hands that pet me are hitting me.
Oh, mother, the hands that I thought gave me food took
my soul away.
Oh, mother, what did I do to deserve all of this?
I just existed.
Mar 6, 2025
Mar 6, 2025 at 10:20 AM UTC
As someone who was born in chaos.
I did not know what it meant to be loved.
So when I met you.
As delusional as I am.
As broken as I am.
As naive as I am.
I thought that our relationship was real.
I thought that your love was real
even though you do not exist.
Loving you could not bring me any harm.
I have to admit that I was wrong.
Loving you is hurting me
even if it is not something you intended to do.
Loving you has suffocated me
because as much as I hate to admit
I know that someday
I have to let you go.
I have to let myself free.
I cannot desperately live in the thought that
Someday you will exist.
Someday I can love you openly.
Someday our love will be normalized.
Because as much as I loved to be with you.
I cannot cling to my unrealistic hopes
Forever
I am sorry that at the end of the day.
I am only human.
I am sorry that at the end of the day.
I am selfish.
I am sorry that at the end of the day.
I want something you cannot give.
Mar 6, 2025
Mar 6, 2025 at 10:14 AM UTC
I am twenty-three.
But I feel like my life stopped when I was seventeen.
Or even worse when I was much younger.
The people who hurt me
Seem to forget what they had done.
While I am staying there.
At that moment.
For a long, long time.
And maybe
I will never leave at all.
Is it my fault?
Do you think it was my fault too?
Do you think I am the one to blame?
For everything that happened to me?
Is it the consequence
Of the recklessness.
Or there is no one else to blame?
So, you blamed me.
But I was a child.
How could you?
How dare you?
Did that to me?
People were cruel and
No one was there to save me,
Cared for me,
Or loved me.
Seventeen feels like yesterday.
It was the hardest time in my life.
The time that I thought that
End up in Acheron.
End up in the river of the woe.
Is greater than living.
I will not say that time will heal
All your wounds and traumas.
But some day,
You are going to live with it
Eventually.
With a calming heart and gentle soul.
That was breaking beyond repair.
Or with the rage that you never show.
Or the wrong they did that you will never
Forgive.
Life is just the way it is.
You cannot change what is done.
You cannot change how people treated you.
You cannot change how you felt.
Neither do I.
Aren’t we the strongest in
Our family.
My sweet little girl.
Who has been lonely
For her whole life.
You are not what they say.
You are not how people treat you.
You were a child.
Happy Birthday to us,
My beloved friend.
Mar 6, 2025
Mar 6, 2025 at 10:09 AM UTC
Oh, my sweet child.
Time passed,
When you are growing up too fast.
People always say
You are a talented child.
You are emotionally mature.
You are wonderful,
quiet child.
But who knows?
Deep down what you have been craving
For your whole life?
Am I good enough, Mother?
Am I good enough, Father?
Am I good enough, Grandpa?
Am I good enough, Grandma?
Why have you left me here?
Scared and fragile?
Like a helpless stray dog during the storm.
Neglected and broken?
Like a hatchling that broke its wings.
Am I unwanted, Mother?
Am I unwanted, Father?
Am I unwanted, Grandpa?
Am I unwanted, Grandma?
Why don’t you love me?
Why don’t you love me?
Why don’t you love me?
Why don’t you love me?
Why don’t you care for me?
Why don’t you care for me?
Why don’t you care for me?
Why don’t you care for me?
Why did you leave me?
Faced with the cruelness
of the neighbors?
Faced with the harsh words,
Guilty and shame?
Why did you let them treat me like that?
Like an unwanted child.
Like a burden of this
Whole world.
Independence from your distance.
Is it a gift or a curse?
Am I a gift or a burden?
I am a neglected child.
Mar 6, 2025
Mar 6, 2025 at 10:02 AM UTC