How easy would it be to drown?
in the murky water
of a long abandoned river
To swim down down down
Until you can’t hold your breath any more
And when you try to swim up
You don’t make it in time
It was an accident of course.
You’re not crazy. You’re not.
How easy would it be to step?
Into a busy road
right into oncoming traffic
To step close close closer
And forget to look both ways
You didn’t see the car coming
You didn’t hear it
It was an accident of course.
You’re not crazy. You’re not.
Apr 23, 2025
Apr 23, 2025 at 2:09 AM UTC
Hurry grab the phone
she’s fading fast
He’s started cpr
but he won’t last
My legs are frozen
solid I can’t move
Hazy lights and colors
Flashing through the room
Sirens screaming
speeding up the street
My aunt comes running fast
and yells at me
I cannot say a word
my lips are sealed
Don’t know if its fake
or if it’s real
On the porch
it just crashes down
Hazmat suits
wheel the gurney out
False confidence
and rosaries
They pray to god
They’re begging please
I’m feeling violent
I cannot breathe
Is this the end…
I feel relieved
Mar 1, 2025
Mar 1, 2025 at 3:17 AM UTC
Im not perfect. Yes.. I know
I'm still scared of letting go
all the pain that's in the past
Makes it hard for joy to last
Take my hand and say im fine
I just need a bit more time
You say it might hurt right now
But you know I'll make it through somehow
Why do you lie to me
Say i never need to hide
Why do you cry for me
When It starts to hurt inside
I'm not broken im just bent
this ain't hurt words can prevent
Look me right inside the eyes
And keep on saying pretty lies
Eyes get dark I moved too quick
Show me food and I'll feel sick
Body aches and dizzy spells
Can't fix me im too unwell
Six different kinds of pills
The kind of pain that can ****
You say if only I try
But I think it's best you say goodbye
Why do you lie to me
Say that I will be alright
Why do you cry for me
When I can't fall asleep at night
I'm not heartless im just scared
That when I wake you won't be there
But I will take off my disguise
If you stop saying pretty lies
Heartache and a pounding head
Wasting away inside my bed
I mess up and push away
All the friends I'm scared won't stay
I use sleep as an escape
And hate the way my body's shaped
You say you'll stay when it hurts to breathe
But when things get too hard you leave
So please don't lie to me
Say that you will never leave
I know you cry for me
When I say I don't believe
That I'm worth the effort it takes
To fix the bruises and the breaks
But if you tell me one more time
I might believe your pretty lies
Dec 22, 2021
Dec 22, 2021 at 1:14 AM UTC
I'm sick of my own mind
tired of being sad all the time
tired of never being able to sleep
and when I do it's never enough
One of these days I'm afraid
I'll lay down and never get up
they give me meds but they barely work
and angry words only make it worse
I'd tell the truth but I'm too afraid
that those once kind eyes will fill with hate
I'm trying so hard I swear I am
but I'm too broken for you to understand
there's lines on my thighs that aren't easily explained
and I find it easy to ignore the hunger pains
I'm starving but I can't make myself eat
I hate myself but love watching myself bleed
I say that I'm fine and put on a smile
But really I've been broken for quite a while
What the hell is wrong with me?
Mar 19, 2021
Mar 19, 2021 at 12:23 PM UTC
I'm so tired
I just want to sleep
is it really a bad thing
To want to sleep
and sleep
And quite possibly
Never wake up?
To just close my eyes
And surrender
To the overwhelming fatigue
and weight of my eyelids
And stay in the darkness
Forever?
Feb 18, 2021
Feb 18, 2021 at 11:41 PM UTC
headaches
almost daily
get up too fast
i'm dizzy
Stomach growls
I'm not hungry
but I swear I'm fine
popping pills
To fix my head
it's getting harder
To leave my bed
all my demons
Want me dead
but I swear I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I think...
Feb 18, 2021
Feb 18, 2021 at 2:24 AM UTC
Is it my fault or isn't it not
i dont't know.. i just can't get rid of this thought
even before it was said unto the air
the thought would follow me everywhere
maybe I could've been a better daughter
maybe I could've tried a little harder
to pull myself together and make her proud
or kept my mouth shut and been less loud
maybe if I hadn't been so annoying
then everyone here could still be enjoying
the gift that was her wonderful presence
but as it is her being gone represents
what a failure I am, I wasn't good enough
I didn't try hard enough to keep up
I couldn't be selfless and pull myself out
of the depression that's constantly dragging me down
so I piled even more on top of her shoulder
and now it's my fault that she won't get older..
or isn't it?
i don't know anymore I'm losing it....
this battle I'm fighting within myself
cause I'm still too scared to ask for help
I mean.. they know the basics of the problems
and they think they've figured out how to solve them
but there's this voice within me I'm scared to make known
I fear they won't understand that it's not really my own
it tells me troublesome and worrisome things
the more I force it out, the louder it sings
" no matter what you do you'll never be enough!
don't you think it's time that you just give up?
No-one would care if you just disappeared..."
and on and on it goes, voicing all the things I've feared
I'm just a bundle of crazy irrational thoughts
that scratch and poison my heart as it rots
stupid and ugly things that don't make sense
like: I don't deserve those clothes, I'm just a waste of expense...
and a small part of me knows they're not true
but a bigger part of me's tired of pushing through
like when my mood drops and it's hard to even eat
my stomach feels nauseous and my heart quickens its beat
my mind feels raw and my feelings are sensitive
even if the insults you give really aren't inventive
the smallest word you speak still cuts me deep
it's gotten to the point where I don't get enough sleep
I mean I sleep for hours & hours and yet when I wake
my eyes are still droopy and my whole body aches...
and I know I should say something about it
but I'm just too scared that they'll all just doubt it
I'm not making this up, it's all truth I swear
there's just too many monsters that scream "they won't care!"
it's a constant battle between reality and fiction
and I really feel that words aren't an accurate description
it's hard to focus and hard to concentrate
there's too many thoughts inside of my brain
it's complete and utter chaos morning and night
'till I run out of energy and start losing the fight
and I don't know what to do anymore...
so I guess this is my cry for help?
Nov 20, 2020
Nov 20, 2020 at 9:38 AM UTC
what if i cut too deep
and your heart begins to bleed
cuz I couldn't take it
so I thought I had to leave
what if you're losing sleep
cuz I'm not around
to give you something
something to dream about
what if I forget
the promise that I made?...
what if I'm not ok?
I'm breaking down
I'm freaking out
I'm losing control
of myself now
and I just don't know what to do...
why does this happen when I think of you?...
Oct 26, 2020
Oct 26, 2020 at 7:06 PM UTC
Today I looked in the mirror
and I didn't recognize
the face staring back at me
with its cold and tired eyes
purple bags and messy hair
didn't sleep too well last night
lying eyes wide open in my bed
with no ******* end in sight...
now my demons chase me in the dark
running through my ****** up head
screaming out the hurtful things
that some of you have said
no matter how much I try
I can't rid them from my mind
so i scream and scream but nothing comes out...
and it all just feels like...
I wanna live
but I wanna die
I'm trapped again
inside my mind
Just give a sec
I'll be alright
Just give me a minute
and I'll be fine
but if you really know me...
then you know I'm lying...
tossing and turning in my sheets
can't seem to catch my breath
sweat is pouring down my back
but I'm still as cold as death
close my eyes and count to ten
try to calm my thoughts
i left my heart wide open again
and i guess this was the cost
i hurt myself again tonight
tho i said i wouldn't
tried to make myself drop the knife...
but i just couldn't
and my parents won't stop yelling
they're fighting cuz of me
tho I know that I'm not worth it
i just wish that I could breathe...
and it all just feels like...
and it all just feels like...
I wanna live
but I wanna die
I'm trapped again
inside my mind
Just give a sec
I'll be alright
Just give me a minute
and I'll be fine
but if you really know me...
then you know I'm lying...
im not alright
i wanna be fine
just wish i could
shut off my mind
and get to the point
where i cross the line
and im okay again...
but will that ever happen?
and it all just feels like...
and it all just feels like...
I wanna live
but I wanna die
I'm trapped again
inside my mind
Just give a sec
I'll be alright
Just give me a minute
and I'll be fine
but if you really know me...
then you know I'm lying...
yeah thats what it feels like
Sep 18, 2020
Sep 18, 2020 at 1:58 PM UTC