You died today-
and by passing-you took with you
any chance I had at getting an apology
but I guess that chance was gone
when your brain was overtaken by the cancer
I knew when I saw you 15 years ago
at your grandson's baseball game-
that I would never get an apology
you didn't even recognize me-
I was your "daughter" at one time
many years ago-
I wanted to tell you then
how you had helped shape my life-
how it took me many years
of drugs-of alcohol-of feeling
like it was all my fault-many years of
failed relationships-broken marriages
years of running from and running to-
the little girl inside me that you broke
that you wounded with your drunken
late night visits to my room
How even when I knew it was not my fault
I still felt guilty-and I still struggle with that-
always taking the blame or
feeling guilt over everything-
never feeling good enough-
never feeling worthy of love-
I remember you pulling me and sis
from our beds in the dead of night-
to drag us to the front door to show mom-
that maybe she got away from the beating
that night but you would show her-
you threatened to set the house on fire-
with me, sis and you in it-
She in the front yard
with all the neighbors looking on-
was screaming for you to let us go-
that the police were coming-
and I remember thinking
at that tender age of 8-
Please just set it on fire
so I don't have to go through this anymore-
That day at the game-I looked at you
and felt sorry for you-your mind was
just beginning to go-and I saw in your eyes
that you weren't even there-and that maybe you
never really had ever been all there-
I guess-that was when I forgave you
Even without that apology
Feb 5, 2018
Feb 5, 2018 at 10:34 PM UTC
I know my love isn't easy-
It's not wrapped in a neat little box-
Or tied with a sparkly bow-
No-my love is fire-
It's Lightening and Thunder-
It will eat you alive-
My love will grab your soul-
and hold it tight-
But I promise you this-
You will never want to let it go-
Because-
Let's face it-people like us-
Are always drawn to the flame-
Feb 5, 2018
Feb 5, 2018 at 9:44 PM UTC
Forever the Other
Forever the Option
Never the Only
Never the Forever
Feb 2, 2018
Feb 2, 2018 at 9:06 AM UTC
Tangled-that's what I remember-
Being tangled in emotions-
Desire-bliss-need-tangled up in you-
Your arms-your legs-your kisses-
You breathe in-I breathe out-
I inhale you-You exhale me-
Me tangled up in your eyes-
You tangled up in my hair-
What a glorious thing-
To be tangled up-
In our Love
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 10:08 PM UTC
with my pen -- my intent
written on parchment-
The man I needed-desired-
my power was at it's peak
I had to do this now
each one was specific-
learned from the past
what I needed-what I didn't
what would feed my soul
what would feed my desire
the man who would know
what to say - what to do
where to touch-how to calm-
he would be everything-
no other before could be-
the one who could bring me
to my knees-
while lifting me up-
the one who could quench
my thirst-my hunger for
something I could not
put into words
only he would understand-
The candle burned bright
as I finished writing the
last line-
He will love me beyond measure
body-soul and mind-
I folded the parchment
placed it into a tiny little box
hidden from sight-forgotten for years
until
You came into my life so familiar-
the words you spoke
the way you touched
my body-soul-and mind-
so perfectly you-so perfect for me-
can this be true-can it be real
when I wrote the words
by candles light-
I conjured my man-my soul's mate-
the man in the box-
you turned out to be
more than I imagined-
all that I desired was also your desire-
sets my mind to wonder-
who conjured who
Jan 20, 2018
Jan 20, 2018 at 2:58 PM UTC
We mix together so smoothly-
like Jack and Coke-such a sweet taste
and oh how that slow burn-makes me dizzy-hot
Our bodies fit together like pieces of a puzzle
separately the picture isn't clear-
but what a breathtakingly beautiful scene-
when those pieces are together
Your words when written randomly on paper-
cannot reveal your thoughts-
but when strung together in sentences-
become your soul- forever a part of me
tattooed on my skin
Nov 9, 2017
Nov 9, 2017 at 6:20 AM UTC
I just can't do this
This-living the unhappy life
Never knowing who you will be
When I get home
This roller coaster of emotions
Is tearing me apart
I know I made a promise a vow
But my God! So did you
And every thing I told you that hurt me
You did it and expected me to take
It
I'm just done.
Take your half *** promises
Take you words without action
Take your anger, your rage, your criticism,
Take you veiled insults, your arrogance,
And please please take the memories of us-
The happy ones from when we first started
Because those are the ones I can't keep
Sep 12, 2017
Sep 12, 2017 at 5:57 AM UTC
I know you-
Our souls
are old friends-
having arrived together
on this planet
many years ago.
Soon after-they parted-
each having a task-
a journey to make-
a journey filled with
love, joy, anger, defeat,
triumph, births and deaths.
And always
an under current-
a feeling similar
to a magnetic
frequency moving each
closer to the other.
And always-there-
a longing-
for something-
more-
and then-
there WE were
face to face-
and THEY-
soul to soul
finally-
reunited-and it was
right and good
and felt like
home-like before
arrival to
this planet.
The remainder of
this journey will be
made together
You and I
Sep 2, 2017
Sep 2, 2017 at 11:04 PM UTC