tainara - Hello Poetry

I shut them up. The feelings. I tell them to keep quiet so I can pretend they're not here. And they do, they are silent. But it should make me feel good and it doesn't. I just feel nothing until I feel everything together. There are days and weeks and months of nothing. Of ignoring the pain in my heart hoping it'll go away if I pretend it's not there; of holding back tears when they threaten to fall, until my head hurts with the effort; of telling myself it's all alright and I'm actualy okay; of being numb and empty. As I supress the bad feelings, I also supress the good ones. I feel absolutely nothing. And then, out of a sudden, resulting usually of too much time alone and overthinking, the feelings can't be controled any longer. And I cry, and it hurts like hell. The feelings scream and kick and fight because they don't wan to be silenced again. And there's this voice inside my head mocking me and telling me they'll always be there even if I pretend they're not. I know, it doesn't matter what I do, they'll win anyway. But I shut them up again. I may not win, but I keep fighting. I have to. One day, I hope, they'll be gone for good. And then I'll enjoy the silence.

0

Apr 24, 2017

Apr 24, 2017 at 2:28 AM UTC

they're screaming now.

I shut them up. The feelings. I tell them to keep quiet so I can pretend they're not here. And they do, they are silent. But it should make me feel good and it doesn't. I just feel nothing until I feel everything together. There are days and weeks and months of nothing. Of ignoring the pain in my heart hoping it'll go away if I pretend it's not there; of holding back tears when they threaten to fall, until my head hurts with the effort; of telling myself it's all alright and I'm actualy okay; of being numb and empty. As I supress the bad feelings, I also supress the good ones. I feel absolutely nothing. And then, out of a sudden, resulting usually of too much time alone and overthinking, the feelings can't be controled any longer. And I cry, and it hurts like hell. The feelings scream and kick and fight because they don't wan to be silenced again. And there's this voice inside my head mocking me and telling me they'll always be there even if I pretend they're not. I know, it doesn't matter what I do, they'll win anyway. But I shut them up again. I may not win, but I keep fighting. I have to. One day, I hope, they'll be gone for good. And then I'll enjoy the silence.

25

I hate being a writer because it makes me see poetry in everything. I have no peace inside my mind. I turn everything I hear and see and feel into stories and poems and it drives me insane to have all this inside me. I pour feelings, I bleed words. Pain becomes beauty and I see it everywhere. I see it in the sky, in white walls, in my kitchen sink. I close my eyes and I still see it. It haunts me. It hunts me. It screams in the silence, it’s there when I’m alone. It’s in my dreams and nightmares and in my insomnia. It doesn’t leave me. It’s everywhere because it’s inside me. It is me. I am poetry.

0

Apr 10, 2017

Apr 10, 2017 at 4:57 AM UTC

to write is a curse

I hate being a writer because it makes me see poetry in everything. I have no peace inside my mind. I turn everything I hear and see and feel into stories and poems and it drives me insane to have all this inside me. I pour feelings, I bleed words. Pain becomes beauty and I see it everywhere. I see it in the sky, in white walls, in my kitchen sink. I close my eyes and I still see it. It haunts me. It hunts me. It screams in the silence, it’s there when I’m alone. It’s in my dreams and nightmares and in my insomnia. It doesn’t leave me. It’s everywhere because it’s inside me. It is me. I am poetry.

1

it’s hard to write about everything i’m feeling ‘cause it means i have to feel it and that’s something i try so hard every single day not to do i can’t let myself feel this empty i can’t let myself feel this lost i can’t let myself feel this scared

0

Apr 10, 2017

Apr 10, 2017 at 4:26 AM UTC

Untitled

it’s hard to write about everything i’m feeling ‘cause it means i have to feel it and that’s something i try so hard every single day not to do i can’t let myself feel this empty i can’t let myself feel this lost i can’t let myself feel this scared

8

A new love is not the cure to a broken heart. It is morphine. It numbs the pain while it breaks your heart to even smaller pieces. And that's a never ending cycle. That never stops. Never. You'll only heal alone.

0

Jan 8, 2017

Jan 8, 2017 at 1:45 AM UTC

.

A new love is not the cure to a broken heart. It is morphine. It numbs the pain while it breaks your heart to even smaller pieces. And that's a never ending cycle. That never stops. Never. You'll only heal alone.

4

Eu tenho o problema (ou talvez a sorte imensa) de simplesmente desgostar. De uma hora para outra, deixo de sentir o que sentia, olho para o rosto de uma pessoa que antes me causava borboletas e meu coração não bate nem mais rápido, nem mais lento, muito menos pula uma batida. O que antes me fazia sentir como se estivesse olhando diretamente para dentro de uma supernova, agora mais parece fitar um muro inacabado. Não me ficam marcas, dores, nem muita saudade; não da pessoa em si, ao menos: a única falta que sinto é de sentir.

0

Oct 23, 2016

Oct 23, 2016 at 12:22 AM UTC

Desencanto

Eu tenho o problema (ou talvez a sorte imensa) de simplesmente desgostar. De uma hora para outra, deixo de sentir o que sentia, olho para o rosto de uma pessoa que antes me causava borboletas e meu coração não bate nem mais rápido, nem mais lento, muito menos pula uma batida. O que antes me fazia sentir como se estivesse olhando diretamente para dentro de uma supernova, agora mais parece fitar um muro inacabado. Não me ficam marcas, dores, nem muita saudade; não da pessoa em si, ao menos: a única falta que sinto é de sentir.

1

i call myself a stargazer and i call your face a night sky

0

Apr 17, 2016

Apr 17, 2016 at 12:22 AM UTC

Untitled