sometimes i wish i didn't exist
other times i wish you didn't exist
all the other times in between im in a weird void thats oddly pretty fulfilling and i really couldnt give less of a ****
Aug 20, 2016
Aug 20, 2016 at 9:54 PM UTC
i really hope my gut is wrong
i know my gut is right though
i wish something like hope didn't exist
its too fallible fickle im falling
Aug 20, 2016
Aug 20, 2016 at 9:52 PM UTC
ive always been told to make sure i dont rely on people
i need to make sure i rely in myself
i need to make sure i can take care of what i need to do
and cast aside what's irrelevant
and i completely agree
and ive slowly started to condition myself to do so
i hope im successful
its kind of hard though now
when advice with good intentions backfires like that
i dont rely on people, yes, that is true
but i have problems trusting people when they trust me
i dont know how to stop concealing because when i finally want to open these pages i cant seem to break through its spine
i cant seem to figure out the right things to say until after the brass shells have dropped to the floor
success ***** for once
Aug 20, 2016
Aug 20, 2016 at 9:48 PM UTC
my love,
continue with your unfiltered commentary,
ask your questions that pierce my heart because you know that i'm lying to you
ignore that i'm bleeding
just as i've ignored you as you have already bled to your death.
life no longer flows through your veins
as affection never really flowed through mine.
May 27, 2016
May 27, 2016 at 12:14 AM UTC
"On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur."
Mais, à mon avis, quand j'ai vu quelquechose avec mon cœur,
Quand j'ai décidé
ou j'ai entendu
Les choses devinnent malheureux pour moi.
Pourquoi je choisirais quelquechose
ou quelqu'un
que voulait me blesser?
May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 10:02 PM UTC
I've read so many things to try to comprehend the way I'm feeling.
Years of research.
Decades of those prior to me.
This extraterrestrial rush of chemicals flowing from different parts of my brain
It doesn't feel right.
I hate it.
I am concrete.
Earth.
Grounded.
Why must these things keep trying to pull me away from the soil in which I was born from and will return to?
From dust to dust.
Ashes to ashes.
I can't fall down.
Everything is ephemeral.
Me.
These figments of my imagination that claw away at me.
These thoughts that keep whirring,
grinding the gears inside the factories polluting even the most miniscule crevices of my mind.
But this is slowly warping my earth
My dust
My ashes
To mud.
Water.
Air.
The molecules change.
Atoms vibrate sporadically.
Dust to dust.
Ashes to ashes.
Fall down.
May 24, 2016
May 24, 2016 at 9:45 PM UTC
It's not feeling in general that people should be worried about.
It's those fleeting waves of extremity, the mortifying thoughts that finally burst out to convey
That people should fear.
Apr 16, 2016
Apr 16, 2016 at 12:41 AM UTC
Hey, slow it down.
What have I done?
I've messed up yet again.
There might have been a time
When I would give myself away
Those nights when I would leave you right before you fell asleep
And come back to see you wake up
But then, I wasn't really seeing, now was I?
My eyes were replaced with different lenses
That I scratched and clawed at but could not break.
Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
Those lenses have long since fallen
Lubricated by melancholic tears
Lulled by the waves of irony that I still tried to hold onto
Because you were there
That one cay by this shipwreck of a human
It's me I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
'Cause you're doing it perfectly
I can't wrap my head around why you've stayed.
But you did.
You're still here.
And I'm honestly so indebted to you
Because you somehow see something worthwhile in this petty excuse of a person.
And--
God.
You're absolutely perfect.
Feb 20, 2016
Feb 20, 2016 at 3:53 PM UTC
I'm in a constant state of being subtly nervous for no apparent reason.
Feb 20, 2016
Feb 20, 2016 at 12:07 AM UTC