syrduav - Hello Poetry

I hate myself. Ah, what a shocking revelation. Another day, another shipwreck, Like I ever had a map to calmer waters. I hate myself. A song stuck on repeat, An anthem my mind refuses to rewrite, A weight pressing against my ribs, unyielding. I hate myself. And here comes the grand finale: The urge to tighten, to silence, As if choking on air could quiet the waves. I hate myself. So much that even my reflection looks away, So much that even my shadow hesitates to follow. So much, and yet, I am still here. But you are here. Somehow still standing, A survivor of a war no one sees, A heartbeat that refuses surrender. You are here. Your chest is tight, your hands are shaking, Your mind swings between stay and run, But at least you still feel, right? You are here. Breathe. Or let your body do it for you. It knows how to stay afloat, Even when your mind is begging to sink. You are here. And you deserve better. Not because it’s poetic, But because no storm lasts forever. You are here. And so am I. So tell me, do we drown, or do we learn to swim?

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Feb 15, 2025

Feb 15, 2025 at 6:51 AM UTC

The Storm That Wears My Name

I hate myself. Ah, what a shocking revelation. Another day, another shipwreck, Like I ever had a map to calmer waters. I hate myself. A song stuck on repeat, An anthem my mind refuses to rewrite, A weight pressing against my ribs, unyielding. I hate myself. And here comes the grand finale: The urge to tighten, to silence, As if choking on air could quiet the waves. I hate myself. So much that even my reflection looks away, So much that even my shadow hesitates to follow. So much, and yet, I am still here. But you are here. Somehow still standing, A survivor of a war no one sees, A heartbeat that refuses surrender. You are here. Your chest is tight, your hands are shaking, Your mind swings between stay and run, But at least you still feel, right? You are here. Breathe. Or let your body do it for you. It knows how to stay afloat, Even when your mind is begging to sink. You are here. And you deserve better. Not because it’s poetic, But because no storm lasts forever. You are here. And so am I. So tell me, do we drown, or do we learn to swim?

35

Anxious Anxious Anxious Anxious Anxious My heart is racing My body is shaking My mind is spinning I am drowning How’s this ending? Liar; Imposter; Loser; Nobody; Failure. Again. Repeat. Self-sabotage. Borderline. Tired.

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Mar 24, 2022

Mar 24, 2022 at 12:42 AM UTC

Anxious

Anxious Anxious Anxious Anxious Anxious My heart is racing My body is shaking My mind is spinning I am drowning How’s this ending? Liar; Imposter; Loser; Nobody; Failure. Again. Repeat. Self-sabotage. Borderline. Tired.

20

Told my feelings were fake Laughed at for crying Brutalized for refusing Depicted as anomalous This is my "home" I exploded, caught a breath as I felt the silencing Crossed volatile environments Misunderstood ephemeral friends Bullied, ostracized Experienced injustice This is school I performed, in the illusion of shutting silencing Living my curiosity Knowledge is my strength Reflexivity makes me grow Embracing my difference This is my refuge I introspected, in the freedom of their paralyzed silencing Meet mind-like people Discovered my emotions Explored my preferences Dug my family history This is my travel I free-fell, as in my trust I hit structural silencing Communicating humbly Nourishing healthy relationships Trusting my positions Affirming my autonomy This is my womanhood Becoming a mother, I urge to gather the pieces for her freedom

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Feb 19, 2019

Feb 19, 2019 at 6:13 PM UTC

Invalidated; a quest to freedom

Told my feelings were fake Laughed at for crying Brutalized for refusing Depicted as anomalous This is my "home" I exploded, caught a breath as I felt the silencing Crossed volatile environments Misunderstood ephemeral friends Bullied, ostracized Experienced injustice This is school I performed, in the illusion of shutting silencing Living my curiosity Knowledge is my strength Reflexivity makes me grow Embracing my difference This is my refuge I introspected, in the freedom of their paralyzed silencing Meet mind-like people Discovered my emotions Explored my preferences Dug my family history This is my travel I free-fell, as in my trust I hit structural silencing Communicating humbly Nourishing healthy relationships Trusting my positions Affirming my autonomy This is my womanhood Becoming a mother, I urge to gather the pieces for her freedom

30

I feel jailed in my own body socially forced to conceive emotionally sick hurt within Scared to transmit pain in this age of depression reminding my ancestors' culpability; will I also hurt my descendant? Struggling to finish a phd in this age of precarity thinking it might push me; Or, will I fail it all?

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Aug 3, 2018

Aug 3, 2018 at 4:46 PM UTC

Now, pregnant:

I feel jailed in my own body socially forced to conceive emotionally sick hurt within Scared to transmit pain in this age of depression reminding my ancestors' culpability; will I also hurt my descendant? Struggling to finish a phd in this age of precarity thinking it might push me; Or, will I fail it all?

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