memories lay repressed beneath my consciousness
they lie dusty
Nov 3, 2021
Nov 3, 2021 at 6:08 PM UTC
The fortress upholding your faith collapses
A darkness barrages it’s way inside
Your thoughts become thundering drums
Your skin trembles as the sound resonates
A fight for control and a loss to selfishness
There’s a war raging between deception and actuality
ignorance becomes sweet
And the facts increasingly bitter
What it has to offer is captivating and misleading
Weak eyes are now covered with a thick film
Empty stares, empty words, and empty actions are the result
You’re a modern day Mona Lisa with these smiles
What were you thinking?
You became disoriented in the moments
Your illusions depict happiness
Those lies sustain you, quenching an insatiable thirst
desires burn brighter than reason
Questions never feel answered because the truth is suppressed
Those rants in the mirror are meaningless if your actions are dormant
The person shouting back is someone You can’t recall
submerged by what could be and loving the idea of dreams
A decision against faith with delusions of grandeur waste you away
You realize you need help
laying down with streaming tears and an open heart, you whisper a prayer
You find a piece of who you are and make your solution exist
You leave, You reject, and you cry until you cant cry anymore
You set the darkness on fire behind a glass door and see how inhuman it is
When the ashes have drifted away, You feel unbalanced
You couldn’t remember how to live with faith in something better
You lost what you wanted and miss what you don’t need
You were led astray and are finding your way back again
Committing yourself to God rather than sin is your first step
Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018 at 12:41 AM UTC
What is your value?
What motivates you?
Do you not have a clue?
I was in that position too
I lost myself
In the desires of impulsiveness
Putting my dignity at the back of a shelf
Allowing my heart to explore a primitive wilderness
I wanted it
I was okay with any outcome
I needed it
It'd have only been some
I began to make my first step
To fulfill my temptations
The most important thing I've kept
Was lost in a place better not to mention
The ups and downs of it all
was diving my mind to the pit of the insane
My self security became three inches tall
The situation had provided no gain
I hadn't ever felt this affliction
Not even my patterned past
Could compare to the confused affection
Every moment I had felt like a task
That's when everything ended
Five months later I was still in pain
I had decided to put a complete end
To every access of the memories stained
I now need my time to heal
to learn self-respect, self-love, and control
I wish there was a backspace for how I feel
This no contact is taking it's toll
I dont expect it to break from the other side
My drug doesn't need me
I couldv'e drowned in all the tears cried
I am young, dumb, and have chosen to let the past be
Mar 29, 2018
Mar 29, 2018 at 11:11 AM UTC
I’m dying
You’re dying
we’re all dying
Take that in
Let it marinate
Let it remind you there is an end
Oct 21, 2017
Oct 21, 2017 at 7:55 AM UTC
Please let me go
It’s not something I can end
I started this, and can’t stop
I take one look and bathe myself
With your purity
I am an unholy being
Craving the good in this world
******* the marrow from your bones
To get every ounce from you
I’m caught in a fiery love
Torn between leaving you for dead
Or staying with you
Slowly taking with regret
Nothing gets better than seeing you happy
Looking into those brown depths of love
How is it that my unholy self
is the only one that notices it?
That you're everything a person hopes to be
You remind me I’m a monster
But when your lips open
They whisper, “do your worse”
You challenge my deadly voices
Believing you love me endlessly
What a fool
You don’t have any idea what I’ve done
Don’t let me drain you of good
Hold strong and let me go
If you really loved me
You’d let me go
Oct 21, 2017
Oct 21, 2017 at 7:51 AM UTC
“You’re a terrible person”
No I’m not
“ You’re so stupid”
Stop it
“ Nobody likes you”
But... they do
“Why would they want something broken?”
I..am..not..broken
“He’s too good for you”
Tell me something I don’t know
“You’re not supposed to hear us sweetie, you’re crazy”
...........
“Exactly, just end it now, end it all”
“Stab us out of your head”
“Watch us pour out of your wrists”
“Jump off the ledge, silence us”
“Choke us out, grip your throat and squuueeeezzzee”
“End it, you have nothing to live for”
Well it’s just another day to having to listen to you guys and I am stronger than you think.
Oct 20, 2017
Oct 20, 2017 at 1:55 PM UTC
I don’t know what you see
I took you in selfishly
I used you without need
I threw you out blindly
Yet, you came back
Held me and whispered, “forever”
You took me in your arms
More cautious then before
Insisting I’m above any girl you’ve met
Despite what everyone says, you want me
I love you so much, I’ll be better
I’ll make you the first thing I do right
I’ll cherish you and understand
I will not give up and always be there
I’ll make sure I’ll ignore those suicidal thoughts
I’ll live for you my love
I’ll wake up and ignore the pills
I’ll walk with my head up
You’re something worth living for
Someone worth waking up for
You’re the cure to these deadly thoughts
Oct 20, 2017
Oct 20, 2017 at 1:43 PM UTC
I smiled looking into your dark eyes
laughed as you fumbled around unknown territory
and kissed, as you blushed embarrassed
Of the way your breath grew unsteady with wandering hands
I've seen you in my dreams
gazing at me with a hungry fire
providing promises
that made my heart skip beats
I held your handsome face in my small hands
Your body laid against mine for warmth
Snuggling closer as though you can meld into me
We'd whisper our thoughts for the future
I'd want a big house in the mountains
You'd want two sons
I'd have time to travel and dance
You'd have a career of building and engineering
I wanted you to be mine forever
You said the same
I had to hide you from everyone
for us to be together
Distance and time made you weary
I struggled with my grip on you
Your eyes would find another resting place
My heart would devolve into the empty void again
Your hand suddenly left mine
My lips lost its tilting smile
Your heart sauntered away
Finally, mine left a gaping hole
Sep 23, 2017
Sep 23, 2017 at 11:52 AM UTC
I'm standing across the room
Looking at you
Looking at me
Looking at you
Standing across the room
Jun 2, 2017
Jun 2, 2017 at 8:51 PM UTC