My body was supposed to change.
My life was supposed to change.
My room was supposed to change.
But it didn't.
Instead, my heart did.
My heart took what my body couldn't.
I never got to plan the announcement.
I never got to go to the appointments.
I never got to feel your kicks.
I never got to feel your heartbeats.
Instead, no one knows the silence that fills my ears.
The ringing noise every time I look at the calendar.
Every time I realize that you would've been here any day.
The room I would've decorated,
but didn't.
the name I would've picked out,
but didn't.
I am not ashamed of you, bean.
I am ashamed of my body failing you.
Mar 19
Mar 19, 2026 at 1:34 PM UTC
You were the warm breeze,
that hugged my skin.
You were the stillness,
Too my raging shore.
the salty floods you once steadied,
Now rise without your shore.
You were the warm breeze,
the calm breeze.
Now I don't know what the breeze feels like.
the warm nights,
flushed against your skin.
now cold, and empty.
long, and dreary.
counting the time.
From the moment I last called you mine.
The bed remembers you,
But so do I.
the sheets you once preferred.
longing to hear you say they need to be washed again.
But longing is a door
That is no longer open to you.
Mar 19
Mar 19, 2026 at 1:15 PM UTC
I'll stay silent for you.
Maybe then it will end,
Maybe then i wont wash your hands off.
haunted by the park.
haunted by your voice.
haunted by your touch.
counting the stars wondering if it will ever end.
Feb 27
Feb 27, 2026 at 9:39 PM UTC
I am still here,
Everyone has left while I am
stuck in the field.
The grass remembers the shape of my body,
bent and broken into it.
The earth pressed cold against my back
like it was trying to swallow what happened whole.
glass blades bent,
stars spinning around.
The sky didnt blink.
The moon didn't move.
You walked away
while I was left to bleed,
left counting constellations
So I wouldn't count what you were doing to me.
blood pooling.
thicker than molasses.
sticky between the roots and dirt,
like the ground itself was trying to hold me there.
I screamed into the soil
because no one else would listen.
My voice is buried deeper
than the footprints left behind.
and then the worst part-
not the grass,
not the weight of you,
not even the silence after-
but her.
my bestfriend.
My almost sister.
Taking my story in her hands
and twisting it until it fits her comfort.
She said I caused it.
said I lied.
handed my pain to my own brother
like it was gossip instead of blood.
Now I bleed in two places:
from what you did
and from what she said.
The field is empty now.
But I am still here.
They can say what they want.
They can rewrite the night.
They can bury it under rumors.
and call it something softer.
I remember the stars spinning.
I remember the grass bending.
I remember the way my body froze
When it learned it was no longer safe.
And I am still here.
not because it didn't break me.
But because it didn't end me.
Feb 27
Feb 27, 2026 at 9:37 PM UTC
No one knows what you did.
But the moon knows.
But the grass blades
bent beneath me knows.
You knew my answer,
It just wasnt the one
You wanted to keep.
So you changed it-
reshaped it in my own mouth
Until I questioned what I'd said.
No one is in the field anymore.
But I am.
not physically, but mentally.
every night. everyday.
keeping the deceitful decisions
close to heart.
holding the weary memories.
till I couldn't anymore.
So I spoke.
The moon knows,
but so does my family.
The moon knows,
but so do my friends.
The moon knows,
but so does my boyfriend.
The moon knows,
but so does your girlfriend.
The moon knows,
but so does my therapist.
The moon knows,
but so does the court.
The moon doesn't know alone.
You don't silence me anymore.
Feb 27
Feb 27, 2026 at 9:14 PM UTC