i don’t think i could ever process the fact of losing you.
abandonment issues are one thing,
but you’re getting older,
and i’m getting sadder.
i can’t stand the thought of waking up one day without being able to tell you a joke,
or get told to “be safe.”
i can’t stand the thought of not being able to say back “promise.”
we’ve seen each other at our worst,
and maybe that’s because you raised me,
but i feel like it’s more.
i know how you tick,
i know how you work,
i know how you love me.
i could never process the fact of losing you.
not because death scares me,
but because you are everything to me,
and i can never lose that.
Sep 27, 2021
Sep 27, 2021 at 11:50 PM UTC
i pick at my skin it a desperate attempt to pull the anxiety out.
if it could ooze out every pore and tear,
maybe i wouldn’t be shaking,
fueled with the rage and fear panic attacks hold.
i pick at my body to rip at the insecurity.
scars are a sign of my fragile self image,
makeup is the mask i use to forget.
a thick black line tracing my eyelids;
a heavy layer of powder masking the blushing of my cheeks.
i pick at my mind to understand what this diagnosis means to me.
i pick and i pick and pick at every idea and thought of this hell the universe has placed me in.
i tear and rip at them until my mind is as numb as my skin.
i pick until i can pretend i can understand.
Sep 15, 2021
Sep 15, 2021 at 1:00 AM UTC
i’m still heartbroken,
lost without the person i turned to when my world was upside down.
but you proved that you stopped caring,
just like everyone else before you.
i know i am difficult,
a mess that’s so broken you kept getting cut on the pieces.
you promised me you would be there through thick and thin,
but now here i am becoming a narcissist writing about the pain you’ve caused.
Aug 14, 2021
Aug 14, 2021 at 11:39 AM UTC
it’s starting to be just you.
i’m not so tired anymore.
Feb 23, 2021
Feb 23, 2021 at 12:24 AM UTC
i hope it hurts you,
seeing me with him,
a photo popping up on your snapchat feed.
i know you miss me,
and i know you want to try again,
and maybe i do too,
but i like the power it gives me to make you hurt.
Oct 28, 2020
Oct 28, 2020 at 9:11 PM UTC
my eyes sparkle in the sun & my presence brings a smile to your face,
i’ve learned to accept that i’m worth so much more than i think.
Oct 28, 2020
Oct 28, 2020 at 9:10 PM UTC
can it be night again,
where your hand is stumbling through the dark trying to take a grasp of mine,
and even though the dark blinds you,
your fingers lace through mine,
and i feel safe.
Dec 7, 2019
Dec 7, 2019 at 10:18 PM UTC
you made me think not being called beautiful by someone who’s supposed to think i am was normal it wasn’t normal
Dec 7, 2019
Dec 7, 2019 at 10:17 PM UTC
i’ve barely slept,
i’m running on adderal and self loathing,
a mix that has kept me alive for far too long.
i’ve barely slept,
i want you to kiss me until our lips are bruised and touch me hard enough that traces of your fingertips can still be seen on my skin.
i’ve barely slept,
i miss the feeling of someone’s mouth on my neck,
the feeling of gentle kisses starting at my collarbone and falling lower and lower and lower.
i’ve barely slept,
i’m running on adderal and self loathing,
when what i really need is to find my relief in you.
Oct 30, 2019
Oct 30, 2019 at 9:01 PM UTC
i just want you to feel the same way that poetry makes me feel.
whole, alive, confident.
poetry makes me scream the truth,
and i want you to want to be honest,
scream truthful words from the tops of the highest buildings,
or whisper your deepest secrets into my ear.
i just want you to feel the same way that poetry makes me feel.
wanted.
Oct 21, 2019
Oct 21, 2019 at 8:31 PM UTC